That Time I Got Reincarnated As An Abyssal Phoenix

".....Sigh, what exactly should I have done differently?"

I was currently sitting down on the some what broken wall that surrounded the fort that we had captured, I was also wearing my mask while looking up at the pitch black night sky. It was relatively peaceful and the only thing I could hear besides the wind blowing through my white hair was the sound of construction going on in the some what far off town.

However, despite the peaceful atmosphere I was not actually doing all that well, if you were to look into my eyes right now you would probably notice how dole and empty they looked. It had been three days since the battle we had with the Cultists and I was still tired, so very tired.

I had actually missed the final part of the battle but from what Fuyuko and Mika had told me it wasn't all that interesting. Apparently I had wiped out most of our enemies in my blind rampage with the remaining ones being taken out by my forces or just retreating, actually talking about my forces, there were some dead we had to bury afterwards.

I remembered back to the funeral that we had held for the many unfortunate dead we had to lay to rest, most of which were former slaves but of course some of my people had died as well. Most of the mutated slaves couldn't actually be buried in the end because they had started to dissolve in to black goo as soon as they died, it was probably some kind of failsafe put in by the Cultists to stop others from replicating them. In the end most of the people never got to put there loved ones to rest which only seem to fuel their hatred towards the cult.

I did try to save some of the less mutated ones, especially the children but it was all in vain. I ended up using high grade healing potions and several other methods that I came up with but nothing I did had much effect on them. I could partially fix their body's to some extent but I couldn't fix the damage that had been done to their minds. In the end most of them that could still think in some small way ended up killing themselves in their madness.

Of course the people that we had managed to save were thankful that I had at least tried to save their mutated loved ones. They were also more than willing to help out in the fight against the cult that had tortured and experimented on them for who knows how long. However, most of them were far to weak to actually help much right now, this was not just because they looked half starved to death but also the fact that the vast majority of them had very little experience when it came to this kind of thing. We had to move most of them here because we really couldn't expect them to continue living in that hell whole of a place.

Still though, I couldn't get over the fact that I had to bury dozens of my own creat-no, my own people, my own family. It was.... hard to say the least. I had thought that I was prepared for this, prepared to see there dead lifeless bodies but I guess I was wrong. Most of them were saved by the healing potions I had given out but not all of them had made it like I would have hoped. It's hard, really hard to think about... knowing that I brought them into existence only for them to die for me before they had the chance to even experienced life in any meaningful way, it makes me doubt every single one of my choices that lead me to this point.

(Am I doing the right thing here? What should I have done differently? Could I have saved them? Were their deaths my fault?) I asked question after question as I fell deeper into my own thoughts.

(I should be angry at myself for not being able to save them, I should be mad, pissed off even about their deaths but.... but for some reason I don't feel a thing. Is it because of my Clear mind skill, does it suppress all my negative emotions, even the ones that I would much rather keep? I mean I couldn't even cry for them at their burial, but why though? Why can't I feel anything at all?)

(Now that I think about it, I mean really think about it I don't even feel guilty about there deaths at all. I mean I do feel responsible for them, however, besides from that there is no actual deeper emotions there, I just feel..... hollow) I thought as I let out a long sigh of frustration.

"I can't even bring myself to look any of them in the eyes" I said with a small amount of sadness in my voice.

Ever since I had woken up for my little rampage I hadn't been able to look any of my creations in the eyes because I was ashamed of myself. After all, if it wasn't for my rage some how effecting them the way it did maybe less of them would have actually died in the end. So because of that I haven't really interacted with anyone for a while, in fact all I have really been doing with my spare time is going over what I could have done differently.

(Honestly if it wasn't for that mysterious voice it probably would have been much worse for me. Just who are they anyway? Also why exactly does there voice sound familiar to me, I know I've heard it before but where?)

(A/N. If your curious in what exactly I mean by that then just go back and look for any time I used { })

(I really hate the fact that I keep getting more questions with out any answers to them) I thought as I looked off into the distance were I could see several Abyssal creatures helping to rebuild the town next to the castle.

"Sigh, well at least the third group is getting started on setting up several defensive lines alongside our borders and hasn't reported any counter attacks from the cult yet, so that's good I gues-"

"Suu"

"Huh?" I turned around only to see the glowing green form of Mika.

"Oh Mika it's you.... didn't I say that I wanted to be alone"

"Yeah, you did say that, however, I just decided to ignore you" I ġrȯȧnėd a little as she walked over and leant forward on the wall next to me.

"Then why are you here?" I asked with a little more hostility then I really meant too.

"Because when a friend is hurting themselves like an idiot you don't just stand by and let it continue" she explained while rolling her eyes a little.

"Friends huh...."

(There was a time not that long ago when I never thought anyone would ever call me that) I thought with a sigh.

"Suu, you saved me from a life of suffering and enslavement, you built an army to help me fight against a cult full of crazy psychopaths, when you had no real reason to I might add and you also helped me save the lives of hundreds of other slaves like me as well. Not to mention the fact that you did all that in just over two weeks. So yeah we're friends, deal with it" that made me smile a little bit under my mask but it soon faded.

"....."

"Look, I kno-"

"Don't say that!" I hissed cutting her off before she could finish her sentence.

"And what exactly don't you want me to say?" She asked with a some what confused look.

"Don't say that you know what I'm going through because you don't, you don't have a damn clue what I'm going through. After all, have you ever given life and sentiance to something before then making it go to war for you with out giving it a fuċkɨnġ choice in the matter? No, I didn't think so"

"I wasn't going to say that" she rebutted.

"Oh really, then what were you going to say, please enlighten me" I said sarcastically.

"I was going to say I know what it's like to feel helpless, like you can't do anything to protect those around you. I know how it feels knowing you were to weak to save someone, you think about it every second of every moment. You go over it again and again and again trying to think of some way that you could have done something, anything..... but in the end it doesn't matter because you can't save everyone. All you can really do in the end is try your best to save as many as you can"

I had to admit she was making a good point there, however, I couldn't and wouldn't accept that because in this world with enough power you can do anything you want. But I don't know how to increase my own power right now, I mean I could steal more skills but I doubt any of the weaker Cultist have any powerful skills worth taking.

(So in the end that only leaves one option open for me now doesn't it. If I can't be there to protect them then I just have to make more powerful followers to do it in my stead but.... but is that really okay? Is it really a good idea for me to be playing god like this? AAAAAH, why am I having these kind of thoughts now? In the end I don't really have any other options, I mean I could try to become a demon lord or something like that but I have no idea how to actually do that kind of thing right now) I thought while rubbing my head in frustration.

(I could try freeing all the Puppets we managed to capture but I'd rather not turn them into monsters with out their permissi-)

"She is right you know" A male voice suddenly said from behind us.

Not recognizing the voice I turned around only to see a some what muscular yet frail looking, dark orange haired male elf. He was wearing old clothes made of animal skin, the same all the former slaves were wearing. I had taken out almost all of my supplies that I had stored up in the abyss and handed them out but there obviously wasn't enough for everyone. Thankfully however, the people who know how to craft and make clothes were willing to get to work once they have time to heal physically and mentally. I also noticed that he was missing his right arm and he had a very large burn mark on his face.

"And who are you?" I asked.

"My name is Kaen my dear"

"Kean wanted to make a request of you, that's one of the reasons I came here in the first place" Mika chimed in.

"A request?"

"Sigh, well I'll get right to the point shall I then. You see I was once a mercenary of sorts, well, that was until I was hired for a certain job, nothing difficult really, just acting as security for a shipping vessel. It was supposed to be easy.... that was until I ended up here, out of all of the crew of that ship as well as my two dear friends I am the only one standing here today.... everyone else got turned in to those monstrosities" he said with great sadness in his voice.

".....And your request?"

"Before that, I would like to thank you on behalf of everyone, not only for freeing us from that nightmare but also for putting our fellows out of their misery. I just hope they can find peace in their eternal slumber"

"You shouldn't thank me, you should thank the ones that lost their lives freeing you" I said while looking down at the ground.

"I already have"

"....."

"Now then on to my request, as you can see I am in no shape to fight, let alone claim my vengeance upon those cultist bastards for what they have done to me and my brothers in arms" he said after a moment of silence.

"That can be fix with healing potions, the low grade healing potions are being handed out and Fuyuko can heal any-"

"I am sorry to interrupt you my dear but that is not what I am asking of you. Even though I don't want to admit it, you see the problem is that even if I am healed fully I will still be too weak to help that much. What I am asking is that you give me the strength to avenge my fallen friends and in return I will follow you to my dying breath"

"Wait! You don't mean..." I quickly glanced over at Mika only to see her shrugging.

"Apparently someone let it slip that you can turn living and non living things into power monsters"

"If I may say my dear, I am not the only one who wish to ask this of you"

(Great, who's the idiot who gave out that information) I thought with a groan of annoyance.

"How many?" I asked while facepalming.

"All together about one hundred and twenty have asked so far, most of them are humans but some are elves. There's a mix in age, meaning there are some elderly and kids asking for it as well. Honestly, I'm not surprised about this out come, after all they just want to get stronger so that they can protect what little they have left, even if that means becoming monsters"

"Sigh"

"You know that if this happens you will not be an elf any more, also your appearance will probably change drastically as well"

"Hahaha, I can speak for everyone when I say that won't be a problem my dear, after all..... have you ever heard the screams of women and children as they are tortured and changed into nightmarish abominations, have you ever seen someone you love transformed into something that can only be described as truly sickening. My dear I would give anything and I mean anything, even my life for a chance to get revenge upon those fuċkɨnġ bastards, so becoming a monster is no problem for me in the slightest" he said immediately with no hesitation.

"I.... I don't know"

(I mean I do need stronger people to help me but... it just doesn't feel right) I thought while I looked back up at the night sky.

(Hmmm, I guess it is their choice and I do need stronger help if I'm going to protect everyone)

"Okay, fine then let's do it"

(A/N. You can thank Pepega123 for the cliffhanger, hehehehe)