The Achievement Junkie

"Do you love Skaryn?"

"I-I… Why...."

As if her brain malfunctioned, Kylon found herself unable to say a thing. She was certain at first, ready to denounce such a ridiculous claim without a second thought. Yet she couldn't. Kylon couldn't bring herself to admit a thing. In that single moment, Kylon fell back onto the couch and slunk against the backrest. Her eyes twitched, on the verge of inexplicable tears.

When Kylon's attendants were about to step forward and shout in place of their mistress, Perchet glanced at them and slowly waved his finger side to side. "Kylon… I'm being completely open with you. Do you believe me when I say that?... Kylon?"

"I… I believe you…" she struggled to speak, but she was unsure why.

"Then, can you be open with me? I want to help you."

"I… I-I…"

"Take a moment and breath. Just relax…" Perchet slowed his speech, trying to bring her tumultuous mind to a standstill. "What's on your mind? You can be open with me… Nothing you can tell me would be more disastrous of a secret than what I've shared with you. Right?"

"... R-right…" Nodding, Kylon did her best to realize why water was streaming down her face.

"I… I don't know anymore…"

"You don't know what?"

"... Anything…" mumbled Kylon. "Halmut… Skaryn… I don't know what to believe…"

"Is it because of your nightmares?" asked Perchet.

She began to nod but then shook her head. "Yes… No… I don't know…"

"How about we talk about it? The more you can verbalize, the more concrete some thoughts might become. Or it might have the opposite effect, letting you weed out what may be false," reasoned Perchet with a smile.

"Who was Skaryn to you?" Kylon asked, blinking and momentarily halting her tears.

"Skaryn was a man that few understood," Perchet stated. "He was far smarter than Halmut will ever admit, and his strength always troubled Halmut until Skaryn was mysteriously sealed away."

"Mysteriously?" Caught off guard by his phrasing, Kylon asked, "Why would it be mysterious?"

"Kylon, when has Halmut ever used a seal apart from that fight?"

"He…"

"Can you think of just one other time? I can't."

"Halmut… Didn't he… There was the time when…"

"There was no other time. Right?"

Kylon opened her mouth but again failed to respond. Her brain had shortcircuited yet again.

"Tell me about your nightmares," Perchet insisted, seeing that Kylon was completely unable to explain some of her thoughts.

"Yes… The nightmares…" Taking a deep breath, Kylon regathered herself. "Almost every night for the past century I've been… someone else…"

"How's that? You've been someone else in your dreams?"

The Storm Goddess nodded. "Yeah… But I've really been them, reliving the same day every night from a cruel, new perspective…"

"Now, I don't want to force you to speak about this, Kylon," Perchet added. "I understand that this is hard for you to admit, but don't you think it will feel better to get it off your chest?"

Taking another deep breath with her eyes closed, Kylon then opened her mouth and paused. "I…"

"Go on."

"I… Each night I relive the massacre of Kustram. But every time, those memories are lying to me. But they feel too real to be a lie… But they have to be a lie, or else…"

"Kylon… Kylon…" Perchet gently whispered and rubbed the woman's shrinking back, making her gasp at first and then slightly relax. "It's okay. Let it out."

The attendants in the room didn't know what to say. They had always wanted their mistress to come clean but they had never managed to get her to admit anything beyond them being nightmares about Kustram. Never had they seen their mistress so fragile… so torn with herself.

As Kylon was balling up on top of the couch, she sniffled. Still, she struggled to get words to properly form in her mind. No matter what she tried, Kylon felt like her mind was failing her, adding to the stress she already felt burdened with.

"So… Your nightmares contrast your memory?"

Kylon nodded robotically.

"Well… Then, what do you remember? You've met Skaryn and you've had private conversations with him, so what do you remember about him?" asked Perchet.

"I… I never spoke with him alone," admitted Kylon. "At least… I don't remember anything. I remember avoiding him."

"Then how did you avoid him?"

"I…"

Suddenly, the look on Kylon's face turned from torn to grim. It was the moment she understood that something was drastically wrong with her. And she had no clue what, making it worse.

"I… I don't know… But I always avoided him, because Skaryn was abusive and toxic to everyone…"

"Everyone?" Perchet tilted his head to the side. "Maybe you should ask Sillo for his opinion of Skaryn some time. I remember hearing that he and his sister have been tutored by Skaryn for a long time."

"Really? But… Skaryn is abusive and…"

"Then how is Skaryn abusive? Can you name an instance where he abused someone?" questioned Perchet.

Kylon nodded slowly but wasn't able to remember a single incident. She deeply felt that Skaryn was such a man yet Kylon was unable to imagine why or how she had reached that conclusion.

"So, tell me about the nightmares. Was Skaryn abusive to you there?"

"N… No…" admitted Kylon. "Skaryn had sav… He help…"

Again, the expression on Kylon's face grew grimmer as her mouth and mind failed to produce the thoughts she wanted. The more she dug around the top of Skaryn and the loss of Kustram, the more pained and tortured her mind felt. Just mentioning what took place in her mind was seemingly triggering her mind to shut down. But nothing was making sense!

"He what?"

"He… Skaryn… I don't know… I don't know!" Kylon shouted, feeling lost in her own mind, not recognizing if her memories were reality or fantasy or even her own. "I don't know! WHY DON'T I KNOW, PERCHET?!"

Whimpering, Kylon stopped her shouting and let her tears fall willingly. "Why don't I know… Why don't I remember anything…"