The Alchemists

"Forgive me."

Those were the only words that came out of L's lips. She looked at London with regretful eyes.

"What are you apologizing for?" asked London, trying to confirm her intention. He agreed with L that they had severe communication problems and now he didn't want to guess the meaning of L's words anymore. He chose to immediately ask and confirm what she actually wanted to say.

"I'm sorry for not being able to trust you easily. I shouldn't have had such prejudice about you wanting to take Lily away from me ..." L. answered

"Hmm .. okay. I'm sorry too." London nodded. "I'm also sorry for my words last night calling you a used good. I was really angry because you chose someone else over me, after everything I have done for you. Your decision to enter a contract marriage with Danny Swann made me feel meaningless in your eyes. That hurts so badly... "

L shook her head, frantically. "I understand. I'm sorry. I panicked. I couldn't think straight because he threatened to expose my secret ..."

"That's the next thing that pisses me off so much," London raised his hand, giving the signal for L to let him speak. "Why don't you trust me to silence Danny Swann or anybody who wants to mess with you? Is it so embarrassing to ask for my help? Why do you always have to act like you are so strong and don't need anyone?"

"You've already helped me too much ... I can't keep bothering you." L held London's hand and slowly lowered it. She subconsciously rubbed the back of the hand uneasily. "I just don't want to depend on other people."

"I'm not just other people, L. I'm ..."

"How could I keep troubling you? We are only connected because of Lily. Besides, we are not in a relationship anymore. I know my place. There's no way I will continue to trouble you to solve all my problems ..."

London was silent. Two weeks ago, he had canceled their wedding plans because he was disappointed in L. In this case, L's words were true. The girl actually respected him by not trying to keep bothering him to help her. Although she had the reputation of being a golddigger, L had never once asked for anything from him. She even had always avoided bothering London.

Now London started to see from L's perspective, and he understood why the girl behaved in such a way. L really didn't want to trouble him and depend on him. While London actually felt offended because L did not want to ask for his help and, in return, made him feel inadequate and unneeded.

"So ... you never want me to help you because you don't want to bother me and don't want to depend on me ...? It is not because you don't consider me important in your life?" he asked, staring intently at L.

L nodded. Her face looked increasingly tired.

"I am grateful for everything you have done for me. Than you so much. I feel that every favor from you that I have acc.u.mulated in the past year had become such a massive debt that I will never be able to repay ..." The girl sighed sadly.

"L ... how many times do I have to tell you, I did it all because I love you. I just want to see you happy. I didn't do it to get anything back from you. It's not a debt." London took a deep breath. Talking with L always made him feel frustrated.

"I don't know what to say. You are so calculating and always think of everything as a debt that must be paid. I think that must be the reason why you finally agreed to marry me, right? Because you thought, accepting my proposal is your way to pay your debt to me.." London was utterly disappointed when he uttered his words. "A real man will not accept that the woman he loves only wants to marry him to pay her debts. You make me feel like I'm a sugar daddy who makes a woman marry me with my wealth."

L gasped at London's words. Her teary eyes stared at him sharply.

"How could you say that about me! I didn't accept your proposal to pay my debt to you ..." L immediately became emotional. "The reason why I took a long time to consider your proposal was because initially, I wanted to stay away from you ...

"At that time, my life was filled with revenge and I just wanted to find someone who could help me avenge my parents' death. You were still disguised as a poor man. After you disclosed your identity ... I've reconsidered my revenge ... I don't want my life to be controlled by bitterness because now I already have Lily.

"I did not immediately accept your proposal because I was afraid you were not serious with me ... We are not equals ... I was afraid you would change your mind and leave me after a few months. I was so worried that you only married me because of Lily ... That's why I needed some time to think.

"When I finally did accept your proposal ... I meant it with all my heart. But apparently my fear came true.. you could just cancel the wedding plans one-sidedly and I couldn't have a say on it ..." L's words sounded so bitter and sad.

"I canceled it because I finally realized that you don't actually love me, L. You always choose your career over Lily and me ..." London also became emotional. "I feel worthless. You prefer to make me your kept man and I can't even say anything in front of Kitaro about our relationship. Do you think it doesn't hurt me???"

"How could you say that I don't love you ...?" cried L. "Why do you think I'm here now? Many artists hide their marital status for privacy reasons, so why can't I hide mine? Do you want the whole world to know about Lily and make her life difficult?"

London frowned. "You ... you said you love me?"