The Black Swan Behind

115 It’s Not Like You!

Levi was silent for a moment as he looked at the food again, “Maybe once. I don’t want to remember it again.”

“Oh...” Emma nodded. From all of Levi’s stories, Emma could guess that he had an unpleasant childhood due to economic problems. It seemed that it made a bad impression on his heart, so Emma was reluctant to discuss it further. Then, she continued to avert her eyes at the food the man was holding, “Why are you just staring at it? Are you afraid I’ll poison you?”

Levi raised his face to look at the girl, “You ever planned it?”

“Only once,” She answered.

“I’m not surprised,” Levi mumbled.

Emma laughed then briefly pointed at the food in Levi’s hand, “Hurry up and eat. Do I need to feed you like a big baby?”

“You’re so noisy,” Levi replied by forking the food into his mouth. Then, he nodded slightly as he chewed. It was true that the Lasagne was tasty. But Levi’s tongue was used to delicious food because.. you already know.. his mother was very good at cooking.

“By the way, Levi.. I feel you suddenly became stiff after I left you in front of the booth for a while. Did something happen?” Emma asked casually. Now, she was chewing a piece of berry pie.

“Nothing. I’m just too lazy to hear your rambling.” He replied coldly.

.....

Emma snorted, “As if you’re just so much fun,” she replied sarcastically.

For several minutes, there was no chatter between them. The two of them were just busy with their respective meals. Usually, at times like this, Emma would play music to break the silence. But somehow she even cared about Levi, who said he didn’t like the noise from music, even though it was Emma’s own car.

‘Huft.. This time I will give in because he has taught me to ice skating.’ Emma thought to herself as she glanced at the man who was eating beside her.

Actually, if it looked closely, Levi had a beautiful face. It’s just that the look on his face looked fierce. What’s more, with those two long, slightly sharp eyebrows that made him look as if he was angry all the time. His two faded grey eyes lay deep inside, framed by slightly drooping eyelids in his eye sockets which, in fact, looked shady. But his white pale skin.. really described as if he was a drug addict.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Levi asked realizing that the girl beside him had been staring at him like a painting in an art exhibition.

“Could you maybe.. use drugs?” Emma asked frontally.

Levi looked at Emma with a straight face, then, continued eating, “You think I’m that stupid of destroying my own body?”

Emma nodded approvingly. Despite having such a physique, with the nature and family he had, it was very likely that Levi would not be using drugs. Emma could also judge that he was the type of person who loved himself too much.

“Oh, Levi. Actually.. Since you’re here with me, I just want to tell you one thing that I happen to be unable to tell people I know.” Emma said.

“That’s good.”

“What is good about it?” Emma asked confused.

“That you still think of me as a stranger. That way, we won’t burden each other.” He replied.

“Hem.. You have the point. That way, we can share stories freely with each other.” Emma rubbed her chin with her finger as she nodded.

“You got what I meant. Then, what’s the problem of yours?” Levi asked.

“Hmm.. Where should I start it, huh? Ah.. Let me start it with this,” Emma snapped her fingers, “So, I have a friend that I just met. Actually, we are not close at all. I happened to have a problem with him that made us fight. But, now the problem was solved. Now, the new problem for me is that I know a little more about that person’s life. I used to think of him as a very annoying person, but now I realize that his annoying attitude actually has a reason which is.. a good thing. Now, my problem with him has over, but.. it made me feel to have a heavy heart lately. I’m at a loss whether to forgive that person or not.” Emma explained with her face slowly becoming sad.

Levi nodded in understanding, “You mean you feel guilty for hating him for the first time?”

“Just a little...” Emma symbolized it by pointing her index finger close to her thumb with a small gap between them, “The wrong that person did to me was so great. It made me hate him so much.”

“Hmm..” Levi seemed to think. “Actually, as humans, do we have the right to judge something as wrong or right? Even if everyone says one thing is wrong, it doesn’t exactly mean it’s wrong. Who are we actually, to dare to judge fellow human beings?”

Emma narrowed her eyes, trying to understand what Levi was saying. Then, she muttered to herself, “Something wrong isn’t exactly wrong, and something right isn’t exactly right.”

Levi nodded. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, as if Emma’s story this time also bothered him, “Actually, Emma. Some people make mistakes but don’t realize it. That’s because they are doing what they think is right that closes their eyes to ended up doing it. Just like cancer treatment. You’re doing the therapy that has pretty bad side effects for your body under the reason of curing the cancer. You know that, but do it anyway to get better.”

Emma thought to herself, “Actually.. there’s still a lot that I’m confused about in this world. Feelings that I don’t understand.”

“I could guess it. You said you were a bird that just got out of the golden cage that had locked you in.” Levi said, “Then, do you feel guilty now for that person?” he chuckled to himself.

Emma looked at him sarcastically, before finally letting out a tired sigh, “I don’t know what I should be feeling. I’m even figuring out what my heart is saying. Isn’t it so weird that I burden myself around with other people’s lives?”

“It is weird. But it’s quite special because, in this world, it’s very rare for people to be willing to bother just thinking about other people’s lives. It looks like your life is very comfortable to allow you to do that, huh?” Levi laughed.

“If it’s all true, I definitely won’t complain as much as now. You don’t know the problems I face are so many.”

“Don’t simply measure the problem you’re having. You don’t know how big the problems a lot of people have out there.” He answered.

“Ah...” Emma rubbed her own face. “You always make me feel wrong.”

“You just have a lot to learn. It’s a good thing tho that you’re willing to think.” Levi replied with an amused face, “Does my opinion enough to cure the feeling that’s bothering you?” he asked.

“Pretty good. I’m happy to have a new perception.” Emma answered.

“A person’s mindset is influenced by two things. Insight and environment.” Levi explained by holding up his two fingers while counting them one by one, “You have lived comfortably since childhood and you have never seen anyone living in hardship. Therefore, the cruelty of the outside world will certainly surprise you.”

“You’re right. That’s what happened to me. I was... shocked.” Emma muttered as she nodded.

Suddenly, Levi’s phone rang. He quickly took the black thing out of his coat pocket and picked up the phone before glancing at Emma once. It seemed that the girl was still contemplating her feelings.

“Yeah? What’s wrong? Ok, just run it. I don’t want any delays.” He said to the person on the other line. Then, he hung it and put it back in his pocket, “I have to go. It’s getting very late.”

“Sounds like work. Is your office still calling at this hour?” Emma snorted in surprise.

Levi shrugged his shoulders, “I guess I’m quite important to them.”

“What a snob,” Emma hissed.

Levi chuckled then opened the car door handle, “Thanks for the food. It was delicious.”

“I’ve told ya..” Emma replied with a big smile.

Then, before the man pushed the car door wide open, Emma cleared her throat, “Levi,”

The man stopped his movement and turned to Emma who was looking at him meaningfully.

“I think I know the most appropriate nickname for our relationship.” She said.

“Hm?” Levi gave a questioning expression.

“Cyberspace.” Emma smiled widely.

“It means?” Levi asked.

Emma nodded, “Let’s just say we are two strangers who use anonymous accounts. That way, we are free to share our thoughts and problems, because we don’t really know each other in the real world. As you said, we won’t be a burden to each other. ”

Levi nodded with a thoughtful face, “That’s good too. Goodbye, then.”

“So...” Emma made Levi stop his movements again, “Does that mean we can still meet and share ideas again?” she continued in a low voice that sounded reluctant.

Levi thought for a moment then nodded slightly, “We’ll see.”

Emma smiled, “Thanks for your input. Safe driving,”

Levi couldn’t help but smile back. Then, he closed Emma’s car door and walked to his car which was parked a few meters in front of Emma’s.

“Thanks for giving me an excuse to ice skating again.” He mumbled to himself, then took a deep breath, “Hah.. It’s been a long time, huh? My legs got stiff just now.”

Then, he glanced at the red car that finally drove past him.

‘It’s late at night. Will she be all right?’ He thought to himself. Then, his eyebrows slowly frowned sharply because he just realized something wasn’t right. Levi immediately shook his head quickly to regain his senses.

“What are you thinking about other people for? It’s not like you, you bastard!” He mumbled to himself. Then, he opened the car door and sat behind the wheel.

While starting the car’s engine, Levi reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes and a gas lighter from inside. But something else startled him. He realized that his cigarette box was still quite full, only two pieces less. He remembered that the two pieces were the one he used when he got out of the car and the other one was when he had just met Emma. After that.. he didn’t even remember or even just felt like smoking.

“What is this?” He muttered. “Wait a minute..” suddenly, the thought of the moment when he and Emma were talking in her car crossed his mind, “Did I.. did I mention her name?”