The Black Swan Behind

133 Money Influence

Hearing Jonas’s question, which seemed to tease her, made Emma’s veins pop out of her temples.

“Why don’t you just answer right away, instead of being busy measuring what has changed in me?” Emma said sarcastically.

“Hmm.. As I said before, it’s very difficult to explain what love is. Even when you’ve felt it, you can’t necessarily describe it clearly. However, one thing that you could probably understand the most is comfort.” The deep-voiced man explained.

“Comfort?” Emma’s brows furrowed, “Do you know, Jonas? Here, I feel very comfortable with a lot of people. The friends that I have here make me comfortable. There’s no way that means I love them all, right? Haha.. ”

“Nope.. You are wrong, young lady. This comfort is very different from the comfort you feel with your best friend, or even with your own family. When you are with him, you will feel all the burdens you are feeling just evaporate. With him, you feel your heart always happy, no matter what he does. With him, you will never hesitate to spill everything inside your heart. And.. you will feel your attitude is different only towards him alone. You show a side of yourself that you even have never shown to your best friend. When you’re in love, it’s as if you’re losing your identity.” Jonas explained at length.

“Wow.. Is the power of love that terrible?” Emma was shrugging her shoulders as her skin felt goosebumps.

“Much more terrifying,” Jonas replied confidently. “Again, you’ll know when you feel it.”

“I guess I’d be afraid to feel it if the effect turns out to be that big,” Emma mumbled to herself, which Jonas could certainly hear.

“Hahaha.. Usually, the things you avoid would easier come to you.” Jonas said again.

.....

“Stop bothering me with those theories of yours, Jonas. Ah.. my soup is done. I’ll be going to eat.”

“Okay. Eat much, little lady,” Jonas replied. “Emma,” Suddenly, he called again as Emma almost touched the red button on her phone screen.

“Yes?”

“If... Maybe, you’ve had a case where you felt alone at a supposedly nice time. Don’t forget, you have friends now. Perhaps, you could try stepping out of your cage a bit and be the first to say hello to someone else.”

“My cage?” Emma repeated in a mumble.

“It’s a cage you made yourself. Not your father’s one that you always blame,” Jonas continued sarcastically.

***

Emma looked at the calendar perched on her desk. The table was behind the large bedroom window that led to the snow-covered courtyard. It seemed that the peak of winter was over for it was no longer snowing day and night as it had a few days ago. With a purple ink marker, Emma crossed out the number 31 on the last sheet of the calendar.

“Tomorrow is.. New year, isn’t it?” Emma mumbled by pressing her cheek against the table, “I even have to go through it alone.”

Then, Emma brought her face closer to the windowpane and breathed out her mouth on the cold surface causing steam to appear there. With her finger, she drew a symbol. It was a heart.

“What does love actually feel like? Would I not feel empty anymore with that?” She muttered to herself as she watched the steam gradually dissipate, being defeated by the cold outside.

Then, Emma turned to look at the weaker clock perched on the nightstand beside her bed. It was still ten in the morning. Yesterday, Emma had spent the whole day touring Handway City as a superhero, searching for villains who had returned rarely to be seen.

Actually, Emma felt confident that what had caused the crime rate to decline again was because she had appeared to wipe out the criminals. Emma couldn’t help but smile to herself from feeling too proud of her secret accomplishment. It was okay for her to feel lonely, as long as the pleasant feeling could still fill the empty blocks in her heart.

Emma suddenly remembered what Jonas had said last night.

‘Perhaps, you could try stepping out of your cage a bit and be the first to say hello to someone else.’

Actually, if she thought about it, Jonas had a point. During this time, Emma always resigned when she found herself alone and lonely, even though she had several people she knew. Whether university friends or acquaintances she found outside the campus. If she really felt lonely, why didn’t she try to go out to find someone to talk with?

Usually, Emma somehow met Levi Wargos when she needed a friend to share the burden with. However, the agreement they made left Emma having no way to meet him other than through accident. If she thought about it, somehow fate always brought them together. However, Emma never objected in her heart, even though she always expressed her distaste for their meeting through her mouth. Actually, it would be nice to have Levi as a friend she could meet when she was feeling homesick.

But, instead of pondering various useless things, Emma finally started to think and knew where she had to go. Excitedly, she put on her plaid coat and reached for her car key.

The car stopped at a tavern after a few hours of driving. Emma got out of her car and felt the cold air hit her body. She walked quickly towards the door with high hopes. Her hand slid the door open, but...

“Huh? Is the tavern closed? Oh.. of course. It’s New Year’s Eve, right?” She muttered to herself as soon as she realized that the door to the tavern in front of her couldn’t be moved.

Emma let out a long sigh before turning her back to return to the car. She jumped in surprise when she found an old woman with two green irises was standing behind her.

“Ah.. Did I surprise you?” Lilian asked with a slight laugh. Her old body was wrapped in a thick jacket with a large scarf covering his entire wrinkled neck up to her chin.

“Hahaha.. Yeah, I was a little surprised. I was thinking about having lunch here. But it seems your tavern is closed today, isn’t it?”

Lilian nodded, “Yes, we are indeed closed because today is New Year’s Eve.”

“I see. Then, I’ll excuse myself.” Emma answered, about to leave. But Lilian immediately blocked her.

“You want lunch, don’t you? How about you go inside? I’m almost done making the stew.” Lillian said.

“May I?” Emma asked as her face turned bright.

Lilian smiled gently when she saw the beautiful face shining. She nodded, “Of course, you can, dear. Please, come on in.”

Emma helped Lilian carry her shopping bags into the house. It turned out that the old woman was stopping by some groceries shops near her tavern, so she locked her house door.

Emma had been to the tavern twice, but didn’t know that its back was quite nice. After taking off her coat, Emma walked over to Lilian who was standing in front of the stove.

“This is my grandson’s favourite dish. We always cook it every New Year’s Eve. In the past, we could only put vegetables in it with very little meat, but now I can put a lot of meat in it.” Lilian smiled warmly as she spooned the stew into two bowls, and then handed one to Emma.

Emma took the white bowl and took it to the diner’s table. Lilian followed behind her, so the two of them sat at the same table.

“It’s good to eat this in the winter,” Lillian said.

“You’re right, it warms the body. Thank you for inviting me in,” Emma looked at the old woman with a gentle smile.

Lilian watched Emma who immediately ate her stew voraciously, “Is something bothering you, dear?” She could see from the young girl’s beautiful face. Her face looked somewhat sad, though she kept covering it with a smile.

Emma immediately looked at Lilian awkwardly, “W-what?”

“You look sad, my dear,”

“Am I..?” Emma rubbed the trunk of her neck while Lilian kept her warm gaze on her. “Is that very noticeable? I’m not sad actually. I just happened to be just a little lonely,”

“It’s New Year’s Eve. The time that we should spend with family, but you came here instead.” Lillian said.

“Incidentally, I don’t live with my family in this city. I’m a newcomer. Because of that, I don’t feel comfortable at home.” Emma replied.

“Ah.. So you live alone in this city?” Lilian rose her brows.

Actually, Emma was about to nod. Honestly, she wanted to complain about her loneliness to the right person. However, she kept thinking twice about doing that. Since childhood, a thought had been implanted in her subconscious that, we will never know what kind of devil is hiding behind someone’s sweet smile. What you can’t see doesn’t mean doesn’t exist.

Emma wanted to trust other people, but she couldn’t. There was a thing that was the priority for her to protect. That was her true identity. Maybe, the person she trusted the most, was the one who would destroy her life. It could happen.

Emma shook her head, “I live with my relatives. But we don’t have a good relationship.” she remained steadfast in her initial thought.

“Oh.. That must be very uncomfortable,” Lilian felt sorry for Emma. “Ah.. Then, do you want to spend New Year’s Eve with me here? I cook quite a lot.” Lillian offered.

“Eum.. Actually, I don’t want to bother you. I’m afraid to disturb you and your family.” Emma said.

“My family is only Marcel. Maybe, he’d be here very late today, or maybe he’d come tomorrow.” Lilian replied.

“Oh.. That’s right. Where is PB?” Emma had even forgotten that the man with a model-like appearance was Lilian’s grandson.

Lilian sighed, “As usual, he is working. He has a lot of work, so he doesn’t have time to accompany me.”

Emma nodded, “It seems PB is a very hard working person,”

“Marcel went through a lot in his life. I think that’s what made him think money was so important. Sometimes, I feel sorry for him, but still can’t do anything about it. What can an old woman like me do, anyway?” Lilian muttered alone.