The Black Swan Behind

282 A Choice

The one who refused any specific relation between the two of them was Levi. The one who asked to continue being strangers was Levi. And now, it was also Levi who asked to have a love relationship.

Levi Wargos greatly confused Emma Hilland. He was the most confusing person Emma had ever faced in her life.

Since realizing her feelings for Levi, Emma had quietly wanted a love relationship between them. But now, when what she wanted was right in front of her eyes, she went doubtful.

When Levi expressed his feelings and was honest like this, the first person that came to Emma’s mind was Calvin Lee;

The perfect man who also orbited in Emma’s love world. A man who was logically, much better than Levi Wargos.

However, Emma couldn’t lie to her own heart. For some reason, her feelings fell deeper for Levi, even though her brain always said that she should prefer Calvin.

If in the end, Emma chose Levi over Calvin, the whole world and even her own brain would judge her as the stupidest woman in the universe.

Then, who should Emma choose?

Levi Wargos or Calvin Lee?

.....

Levi waited for Emma’s answer with his chest pounding. It felt like all of his blood vessels were about to burst from flowing blood too swiftly.

This was the point when Levi threw all his pride away – When he turned into someone he didn’t recognize.

“I’m sorry, Levi. We’d better get on with the friendship between two strangers.” Emma said slowly.

That soft answer was a nuclear bomb exploded in Levi’s ear. Emma rejected him.

“Emma...” Levi stuttered.

Emma smiled sorrowfully. Honestly, it hurt her heart to say this, but...

“Levi, being with you makes me feel happy. I don’t know exactly how you feel about me. But, to be honest, I do like you. I thought that it would be fun if we had a love relationship. But you said that we shouldn’t be on each other’s paths.” Emma chuckled. “To be honest, at that time, I felt annoyed with you. But gradually, I felt that what you said was true.”

Emma’s answer made Levi heartbroken. Certainly, he had rejected her in the first place. Now, when he expected her love, it was too late. However, Levi did not want to give up because the word ‘give up’ was not in his dictionary.

“Emma... I’m sorry for what I said at that time. I just...”

Emma chuckled again. “You apologize too often, Levi.”

Then Emma took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault. Please don’t think that I’m seeking revenge now. I have my own reasons for not doing this. In my opinion, having a special relationship will only hurt both of us. From the start, we keep our lives a secret from each other. This all started on a bad note, Levi. And I realized that I deserved better. So do you.”

Levi fell silent. What Emma said was true, though not completely. He didn’t feel that Emma wasn’t good for him. That girl... was too good for him.

However, Levi admitted that he was a bad man to accompany Emma. And it was true that she deserved the best.

Levi knew that he was a troubled man. He was just too selfish to want Emma to get into his life which was as dark as the city sewers.

Actually, Levi wasn’t surprised by Emma’s decision. Even though she was full of secrets, he was pretty sure that he knew her well enough.

Emma was a girl who knew her value. She was a considerate and confident girl. Of course, she wouldn’t let her life fall apart just because of a badly flawed man like Levi Wargos.

“Understandable, Emma,” Levi said. Every word he said felt like hundreds of needles pricked in his own tongue. “Now, I feel the reward for my attitude towards you so far. It turned out to be unbearably painful. I’m sorry for treating you this way. I’m sorry for making you feel this way.”

Emma shook her head. “Just like me now, I know you had your reasons for your decision. Therefore, you don’t need to apologize. I won’t judge someone because I believe everyone has their own priorities in life.”

“Does this mean we ended here?” Levi asked slowly.

Emma chuckled. “We haven’t even started anything, Levi. But if you mean our friendship, it’s a shame if a friendship had to be broken because of a feeling that was finally conveyed.”

“So, we can still meet and talk, as usual, can’t we?” Levi forced a smile, which only made his heart ache even more.

“Exactly as usual. Let’s forget about all this. That way, we won’t bother each other. What do you think?”

“That’s fine too.” Levi replied quietly, “At least, we don’t need to say goodbye,”

Emma nodded. “I’m glad to know that my feelings are not one-sided. Thank you for being honest with me, Levi.”

“Thank you for forgiving what I did. You may not hear this again, Emma; but, I love you.” Levi said slowly.

“Thanks, Levi,” Emma answered.

Then the call was disconnected, leaving two people who each sat pensively in silence, and could only hear their own heartbeats that gave a breaking sound with each beat.

Levi tightened his grip on the cell phone that he had just dropped from his ear. Slowly, the edges of the screen began to crack and...

BAM!!

Levi threw his phone against the wall until it broke.

He slumped back down on the chair and leaned against it weakly. He covered his face with both hands.

Levi felt devastated, confused, disappointed, and sorry. He didn’t know what to feel. He had never experienced all of this. This was his first time. And this felt unbearably painful.

On the other hand,

Emma placed her cell phone on the bed beside her. She smiled faintly, but her heart felt sore. It was throbbing as if it could burst its blood out.

Tears slowly flowed down her cheeks. Her shoulders began to shake. She bent her legs and hid her face in her knees, then began to sob.

This was the first time Emma had cried out of love. She didn’t know that it hurt this much. It felt like it would be better to take the blows from the Gozu and Mezu twins simultaneously, than have to feel the pain in her heart.

It was an invisible pain. You couldn’t even rub it to make it feel better. It continued to throb painfully. The pain could not be treated by medical methods. This was terrible.

Emma loved Levi Wargos. She loved that man so much that it hurt her. However, in the end, she must be sane enough to choose the best for her life.

When faced with the choice of Levi Wargos or Calvin Lee, Emma had to pick the best. And that person was Calvin Lee, even though her heart wanted Levi Wargos.

Emma knew Levi was not good for her. This wasn’t a grudge, but from the start, Levi always hurt her.

He rejected Emma from the start. When Emma expected him, he pushed her away. And she had to accept it sincerely.

If Levi suddenly asked Emma to be with him, should she immediately agree just because she really wanted him?

Emma really valued ??herself. She lived her life for herself. She was her top priority. By accepting Levi’s request, wasn’t it the same as if she didn’t appreciate herself?

Even if they did have a relationship, Emma wasn’t sure Levi would be honest about his life. Likewise, Emma was not sure she could be honest about her real life to him.

Besides that, the fact that Levi had another love was unacceptable to her. Levi did say that he loved Emma and really wanted her. But that attitude and sweet words would not make her fall that easily into his arms.

Emma knew clearly that she could not share her love with anyone else. If she owned something, she wanted it to be hers alone. She also didn’t want to hurt anyone who was currently in a relationship with Levi.

She was still sane enough to be able to think logically. Or, still able to be sane before being completely stupid and ending up nodding her head at whatever Levi asked for.

Even though they like each other – Even though they had the same feelings, for Emma, this was the best choice.

Love did not have to own each other.

You could love someone in another way, without having to make them your own.

Therefore, Emma chose to continue her friendship; loving Levi by being a good friend who would always listen to his problems and give him a shoulder when he was down. They would be hang-out-friends to laugh together. Even, Emma would be the one to give the word ‘congratulations’ on Levi’s wedding day in the future.

For the first time, Emma was not going to try anything too risky in her life because she realized that her heart was not as strong as her body.

Emma easily lost control of the thing that governed her feelings. Trying to have a relationship with Levi was the same as digging her own grave.

Even though her heart hurt a lot right now, Emma believed, slowly she would surely recover by herself. Even though her heart loved Levi more than Calvin, she believed that love could come out if you were always together with someone. At least, that was what people often say. And she hoped it was true.

For this reason, Emma would learn to love Calvin, a man who was more suitable for her.