The Black Swan Behind

61 Fear

It’s not enough just to practice. Emma even had to reopen some old videos on her cellphone. The videos were a teaching recording from Emma’s martial arts teachers who had trained her since she was a kid to this age. Not a few Jonas videos were also included. It made Emma, ??for the first time in her life, miss the figure of the man with a thin beard and sad eyes.

Emma looked at her phone screen again. As usual, the phone was always quiet without any notifications. Emma began to think, was this what called loneliness? Was this what it felt like when we needed someone to share our heart with, but realized that we didn’t have it?

Emma thought that being trapped in her father’s golden cage was the biggest problem in her life. But now, she had even forgotten the problem. She realized the outside world was more terrifying than she had ever imagined.

“One.. Two..” Emma tried to remember when the last time she had interacted with Jonas on the phone. If past twelve in midnight was called a new day, that would mean three days had passed since she last spoke to him.

Even though she was already in a declining psychological state, Emma was still stubborn to maintain her prestige.

Finally, the girl pressed the number ‘5’ on the screen of her cellphone. Unexpectedly, it took a long dial tone for Jonas to pick up the phone. Emma took the phone from her ear just to see if she had pressed the right button before. Suddenly, someone finally picked up from the other side.

“Ugh.. Hello.. Who is this?”

Emma jumped with a confused face when a woman with a husky voice picked up Jonas’ phone instead. What the..! Never once Emma had known Jonas had a private life.

“Um.. N-no one. Sorry. I’ll hang up the phone..”

.....

“Hey. Darling, what are you doing?!” Jonas’ voice was faintly heard as if he was snatching his cell phone.

Emma pursed her lips tightly. She was in a state of confusion as to whether she should hang up the phone or wait for Jonas to speak. Ah.. Emma was so embarrassed now.

‘Looks like they are.. Ah.. Never mind..’ Emma cursed herself in her heart. Jonas must not have thought that she could suddenly call at this hour.

“Emma,” The girl straightened her back with a sprightly posture because she felt awkward.

“H-Hei.. Jonas. Looks like I’m bothering you, no? Then, I’ll just hang up now,” Emma answered quickly, frantically.

“No, Emma. Don’t hang up.” Jonas cut her no less fast. There was a loud snort everywhere, “I’m sorry, Emma. I didn’t think you could suddenly call like this. I seem to lose my guard a bit.” He explained in a voice as calm as possible.

Emma was silent for a few seconds and then shook her head, “No, Jonas. I should be the one apologizing to you. You weren’t the one who was off guard. But it seems.. It’s me who been too selfish with you all this time.” she smiled sadly to herself.

Jonas frowned, “Did something happen, Emma?”

“You must already know what answer will come out of my mouth, Jonas. Nothing. I just wanted to call you. That’s all.”

“Hhh... Emma.. Alright. There’s no problem. Fine.” Jonas nodded while rubbing his face roughly, “So.. does that mean you miss me?” he gave a joking tone to his voice.

Emma chuckled, “You’re crazy.” she said.

Jonas chuckled, “I was crazy enough to think you had a problem. And.. crazy enough to hallucinate that I was hearing you, for the first time, seriously apologizing to me.”

“I’m also crazy enough to say that you’re not hallucinating. I’m serious, Jonas. I think I just realized that I’ve been too selfish to you. I even forgot that you are a normal human being who also has a private life.”

“Hmm.. Looks like your new world has changed you a lot, Emma. I don’t know if I should be proud or worried.” He laughed.

“Hey.. I’m not a kid anymore,” Emma shouted.

Jonas nodded, “Okay. But you’re still a princess, who ran away from home.. Haha.” he said. Then, their conversation was spaced by a long silence. The man cleared his throat before muttering incoherently like a drunken man. It seemed like he was singing a colossal song in a messy tone to fill the awkwardness.

“Just say it, Jonas. I’m not in the mood to refute your disgusting words of wisdom.” Emma said suddenly. But from there, Jonas could hear the murky voice of his Boss’s only daughter.

“Hmm.. Let me think about it first.. It’s actually a bit difficult without something to stir my brain. Besides, you know what time it is, right? Luckily, your father paid me quite a lot to work overtime.” Said the man.

Emma snorted. But she still thought for a moment then opened her mouth, “Let’s just say.. in the movie you watch, the main character is a warrior, who is feeling scared. He has a sword that has not been used for a long time, so when he wants to use it again, he feels like afraid if the sword won’t be as sharp as it used to be.” Emma explained haltingly.

“Hmm.. That must be so annoying. But, why should he bother with that? He just needs to sharpen his sword again. Then it will be sharp again.” Jonas replied while thinking. Then, he continued with a conclusion, “If that person is afraid, what he is actually afraid of is not his sword is not as sharp as it used to be. It’s actually him who becomes weak.”

As usual, Jonas’ words were like a slap in the face to Emma. The girl pondered for a moment.

“Emma.. The swordsman you told me about, seems to have lost his confidence. It’s not that his hands and feet are not strong anymore, but he has lost his principles as a warrior. If you want to win, you have to believe that you will win. Didn’t I say that to you before? Maybe, being immersed in a soft environment made your confidence drop. But that doesn’t mean your sword isn’t sharpened. You just refrain yourself for using it at the right time.” Jonas continued.

“What if the swordsman loses a leg? Won’t he find it difficult to stand up straight?” Asked Emma again.

“A warrior always finds a way out because of his strong will. Even if he loses both legs, he will embroider wings on both his arms so that he can fly like a bird. If you are crazy enough to be a warrior, then you must be crazy enough to surpass the limit of yourself.” Jonas replied, “Emma.. A warrior is not afraid of anything.” he continued.

Emma gulped several times. For some reason, Jonas’s words made her throat and nostrils feel like they were being stabbed by dozens of needles. There was something wrong with her eyes. They felt warm. But Emma wasn’t going to let the oddity effect her any longer. She immediately cleared her throat several times to clear her voice.

“Okay. I think I’m sleepy now. Thanks for telling me the story, Jonas.” Emma said.

Jonas chuckled, “Sure, princess. I trust you.” he answered with emphasis on the last sentence.

Emma blinked at this. Then, she removed the phone from her ear, “Bye!” then she hung up.

“I-I believe in you too, Emma.” Said her while touching her own chest with her palm.

***

“To.. today?” Poppy stuttered.

Donny nodded with a leisurely gulp of his cola, “Momo just had an accident. So, today you are taking her place.”

“B-but, I’ve never played with.. with..”

“Jacky. His name is Jacky. I can’t understand what your brain’s thinking, Poppy. What’s the big deal if you haven’t filmed with Jacky before? After all, you’ve had your ‘first time’ with all your other co-stars, right?” Donny nagged.

Poppy no longer answered when Donny slammed his cola can down on the table, causing her to jump in surprise. The girl did not dare to make her boyfriend angry. Not only because she was afraid of being hurt, but because he was also holding a video that could destroy Poppy’s life in an instant.

It happened on Saturday, the university was free of class. Even though Poppy had done a long day of the very tiring process from morning to evening shooting, tonight, she was forced to shoot again to replace one of the actresses.

And what’s worse.. it’s not an ordinary shoot. But a live broadcast!

Poppy couldn’t imagine having to do such a disgusting thing on a live section, with a man she usually only gave a short smile when she passed by in the office. Poppy had to keep her expression low and make sure her face looked like she was enjoying whatever was going to happen next.

It felt like Poppy’s tears were going to burst right now. Maybe, this was the karma she deserved the most after destroying her best friend’s life. Now, she must felt how to live such a cruel life.

“The car’s here!” Brian opened the hotel door quickly.

Then, Poppy, Donny, and the rest of the crew took their stuff and left the large, dimly lit room.

As soon as she got into the car, Donny remembered something and patted his forehead, “Ah.. I forgot. Brian, where is the pink bag I left you?”

Brian seemed to think for a moment, “Oh, wait a minute,” He got out of the car door and took something out of the back luggage that was being surrounded by the crew. Then, the guy with the big scarf covered his mouth, back into the middle passenger seat. Then, gave him a sweet pink paper bag with a maroon ribbon.

Donny smiled broadly by tidying the arrangement of the ribbon on the bag. Then, he gave it to the girl who was sitting beside him with an innocent face guessing, “Happy birthday, Baby.” he gave a long kiss on the lips of his lover.

Poppy blinked. Oh.. She forgot that today was her birthday. No wonder, yesterday her mother bought a lot of groceries. It must be because today, her mother would cook a lot for the daughter’s birthday. But sadly, Poppy was in a hurry to leave early in the morning. She didn’t even have time to eat breakfast.

Remembering what she had done to her mom, Poppy felt very guilty. Her mother must be very sad. In fact, Poppy most likely won’t be able to come home tonight because the shooting might end at one in the morning.

“Why are you daydreaming? You’re very moved, aren’t you?” Donny stroked Poppy’s head gently. He smiled sweetly. The smile that once made Poppy’s heart to bloomed a field of flowers.