The Cat hides its Claws

“Do you know what I think of you?”

“I do,” Sa looked at Myohan with surprise. Myohan looked up at the snow falling from the sky. “You hate me.”

Sa’s snake-like eyes twitched. His thin lips twitched as well. Myohan sounded like being hated didn’t bother him at all. He wasn’t sad, and he wasn’t mad. Sa didn’t like it. He frowned.

“…Well, I have nothing more to say if you think like that.”

“I don’t want to bother you either, so just do your job.”

Myohan turned after saying that; he knew that, although Sa was always neglecting his duty, he got back in line after he visited. He walked away on the white snow, leaving footmarks, but then he had to stop after being called.

“Cat, I have something to say to you.” They weren’t close enough to have a conversation. Not at all. They had nothing in common either. Sa could see that Myohan was confused, but he grinned and boldly said, “You’re right, I’ve got to do my job, but could you wait for me here?”

Snowflakes fell slowly. Myohan looked at one of them as it fell on Sa’s head. Then, he smiled and sat down on the snow.

He crossed his arm and said, “Okay.”

Sa hesitated then he snorted and moved away. He was planning to leave Myohan in the forest and not come back, of course. It was to make Myohan suffer, and he knew that. Telling him to wait without saying when he would come back made his intent obvious.

Nevertheless, he fell for it. He wasn’t childish enough to go down to Sa’s level. He said he would wait, and Sa pushed it even further.

He said mockingly, “Will you promise to wait for me?”

“Sure.” Sa thought Myohan would return in a few minutes. He was sure he was just pretending to be bold. But Myohan said yes without any change of expression. Then he smiled in the snow. “I promise.”

With that, Sa left. He didn’t even look back. The world was now all white. The sky, the trees, and the ground Myohan was sitting on was all white.

Sa didn’t come back, of course. Myohan’s temperature dropped. Snow piled up on his head, and night fell. He didn’t move. He just waited for Sa who would never come. His mind was failing when he saw a glimpse of someone’s shadow among the bushes. The snow stopped. Someone picked up his cold body and started to carry him away.

As his consciousness drifted away, he could hear the man whisper, ‘Reckless cat.’ It was the moment the man’s interest became affection.

Myohan felt comfortable like a baby in a cradle because of the man’s breath, his whispering, and his warmth. He could tell it wasn’t his god, but he grabbed his sleeve and clung to him anyway.

He woke up by the lake. Someone’s hair tickled his cheek, and a hand was stroking his hair. When he managed to lift his heavy eyelids, he saw a pair of yellow eyes looking down at him.

“You’ve woken up.”

The god’s white hair flew in the wind. It was similar to the snowy world he had seen just before he passed out. Myohan looked at the god only after he realized the sunlight was warm. The god smiled and kissed his forehead.

“You have something to say to me, don’t you?”

He spoke kindly. His eyes had mixed feelings as he looked at Myohan. Deep affection, love, sadness, grief, worry, and some anger.

Myohan read all of it and said as if nothing was wrong, “The weather was good.”

The god was still smiling. He touched the boy’s soft cheek as he waited for him to continue. Myohan went on, feeling pain in his heart.

“So I went out in the snow and fell asleep there.”

Disappointment filled the yellow eyes. Still, the god smiled. He looked down at Myohan with affection and kissed his forehead once. Then, he put on his veil. He covered his face with it, just like he did when he was with his subjects.

“What you really want…”

Myohan couldn’t not see what kind of expression was on his face. He couldn’t tell if the god was smiling, crying, or angry. He knew only two things. One, his face had looked hurt before he covered it.

“Must be love from the person you’ve chosen…”

And two, despite it, his voice was still kind. Myohan could get a glimpse of his face through the thin veil.

“But that’s not me.”

He was supposed to say no. He was supposed to say what he wanted was the god’s affection, not anyone else’s. However, he was unable to say anything.

The god hugged him for the last time and whispered; sadly, as if he were about to disappear right in his arms.

“What should I do…?”

After that day, the god didn’t show his face to Myohan. He hid it with his thin veil and kept his distance from the boy. He was still generous when it came to everything Myohan did, but he wouldn’t show everything of himself as before. He acted like he wanted to distance himself from him. And Myohan got strangely close with the man.

He was trying to soothe the crying Mi again. The god must have taken some measures, as the subjects were no longer bullying him. But that didn’t bring them any closer.

“Stop crying.”

Myohan patted Mi’s shoulder slowly. Mi sobbed as if he had just lost his family, but he soon started to calm down. When he finally stopped, he muttered a thank-you and left. It was the first thank-you Myohan had ever gotten.

“You’re there, aren’t you?” Myohan spoke upward as he stretched his back. No answer came back, but he yawned and asked anyway, “I have a question.”

“What is it?”

The reply came from behind him. He turned around and saw the man with black eyes. He always pretended like he wasn’t there, even though he was always there. Myohan sighed.

“Name.” The man looked down at him, raising his silky eyebrows. Myohan’s clear eyes looked up at him and asked, “What is your name?”

“I don’t have one.”

The answer was too light. It didn’t sound like lying, and he wasn’t a man who would lie. Myohan was a bit surprised.

He asked again, “You don’t have a name?”

“I don’t have such a thing.”

He sounded as if he couldn’t care less about it.

“How can anyone not have a name?”

He glanced at Myohan. Then he smiled and touched Myohan’s cheek.

“You can give me a name then, cat.”

“How can I give you a name?”

Myohan snorted. He wasn’t good at giving names. He made it clear, but the man kept his smile.

“You gave the god his name.”

“Well, then…”

The man’s eyes looked somewhat familiar. They reminded him of something a little more overwhelming and enormous. Myohan grinned. As he thought of it, the man really resembled it.

“Jin.”

“….Jin?”

The man looked surprised. It was the first time he showed any kind of expression. Myohan liked it. He smiled and raised a finger, pointing at him. It made the man smile.

“Yes, Jin, the word for dragon. It fits you. So your name should be Jin…”

That was the moment the affection became love.

***

Myohan felt so drowsy. He couldn’t tell if he was still dreaming. He tossed and turned, twitching. His hands and feet felt normal.

I’ve changed back.

The moment he thought so, someone stroked his hair.

“Is it like a monkey catching the moon?” He spoke calmly. He stroked Myohan’s hair, his cheek then his neck. He placed his forehead on Myohan’s and went on. “Is it like a monkey trying to catch the moon reflected on a lake and drowning to death?”

He didn’t seem to know Myohan was awake. He usually sounded so relaxed, but at the moment he spoke with pain.

“Am I being equally reckless, trying to get you?”

Myohan couldn’t move his body after sleeping for so long. He wanted to open his eyes and call his lover, but he couldn’t. That was why he couldn’t get him as he kissed him once more and stood up to leave.

“Myohan, ” He managed to speak only when the man turned his back on him. He whispered.

“I can wait again. So please, wake up.”