Ch17 - How to Choose a Human

My Miwu is the best human in the world

Editor: Vez 

“As we all know, domestic cats find a human family to assume responsibilities after they leave their mothers and siblings. If everything goes smoothly, they live permanently in this new home. Cats and humans have a very subtle relationship. We are solitary animals and do not like to be too close to our peers when we grow up. That includes humans. Independent cats never want to accept humans whole-heartedly. The relationship between cats and humans is a lifelong proposition for domestic cats. 

“If a cat has not seen humans or been in close contact with humans when they are two or three months old, they may not be able to adapt to life with them later. Cats’ adaptability is at its peak during that time. In contrast, if cats learn the correct way to accept responsibility over humans during this stage, they will benefit for life. So the time you choose to attend cat classes is very critical, I am very glad everyone…” Jiang Dabao paused, glanced at the older Dragon Li cat, who was in the corner and trying to make himself look as small as possible, and rephrased her wording, “I am very glad most of you have done the right thing at the right time. You should be thankful to your mothers for that.”

Sparta continued lying on his stomach, put his left paw on the top of his right arm and rested his chin on it. He yawned and ignored the other kittens’ mocking eyes. 

“How should cats find a suitable human family to take care of? When cats are two to three months old, their current family will handle this matter. A small number of cats will be left in their original family and handle the responsibility with their mother. But most cats will leave their mothers and enter a new family. Although on the surface, it seems that the decision of which human the cat will take over is up to the original family, it is not the case. Kittens also have a major say when choosing their future families.  

“First of all, if the human in your original family is a responsible human, they will do their due diligence on screening over the list, and will exclude those irresponsible humans who are unfit for cats to manage in advance. The humans who would grace your presence thereafter will at least meet the basic requirements. But cats can also show their likes and dislikes in moderation, such as peeing on the human you dislike. As long as you are cute enough, you will eventually be forgiven. And after you express your stand clearly, nine times out of ten, you would be meeting a new family to interview again. 

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

“Although cats are not social animals, we have enough sense of responsibility. Once we decide to assume responsibility over a human, we will hold that responsibility to the very end. Therefore, it is very important to make the first choice wisely.

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“At the same time, they will also indulge in our bodies too much. They will always mess with our fur whenever they please, are always very touchy, and make us wear inappropriate accessories. Even after expressing unhappiness very clearly, they will continue to act recklessly without any regret. The scariest thing is that this love is always accompanied by a fascination with appearance. Once the spell of our lovely appearance is broken, they will quickly get tired of their previous love and begin to become indifferent, and even unilaterally rescind the agreement between cats and humans and abandon us. 

“Therefore, we should avoid contact with such humans from the very beginning. This kind of human is usually identifiable by certain signs. When they see us, they will always scream, touch our paws or hair without any self introduction, and clamp us in their arms in spite of our opposition. They often praise our appearance with exaggeration and excitedly share our photos with their human friends. If these actions have reached a level you are uncomfortable with, please stay away from such humans in time. If they try to hurt you, you are allowed to use your claws to fight back.

“The second kind of human is completely opposite to the first. They hate cats or any other small animals very much. They are on the list probably because of their connections. Sometimes such humans behave politely and seem like a good choice. But do not be fooled by their appearances. Smart cats will do more sounding out. You can choose to bother the human intentionally, scratch their pants, jump on them and touch their arms—remember to put your claws away. 

“It is best not to cause a huge commotion by drawing blood. If they become stiff, or look furious, or dodge and refuse to come near you, or even roughly push you away while no one is looking. Such a human will not be a good partner in your future relationship. They usually do not have enough sense of responsibility to accompany you to the end of your life. It is even worse if such a human met you because of their connections, like a partner. Relationships between humans are very unstable and unreliable. If there is any fall out between the humans’ relationship, and seeing you who was connected to all of this. You are very likely going to be a victim.

“The third kind of human is human cubs. Remember to stay away from human cubs! They will pull your ears and choke your neck. They are totally unreasonable. If you fight back, you are very likely to be abandoned by the family. Of course, there are exceptions. But if you are a cat with little patience, do not forget to steer away from human cubs! 

“Then, what kind of human is suitable? We need to find humans with calm and gentle energy. Their breathing is soft, the tone of their voice is not too high, and they are not easy to get excited. They have ginger touch and respect cats. They will not invade an insecure cat’s territory. They are attentive to every detail, picking up a cat’s every need. If we accidentally make a mistake, they will not shout in anger, instead, handle it with wisdom. 

“This kind of human is usually seen to have a strong sense of responsibility and will accompany you for your entire lifetime. Sometimes, as long as you observe more carefully, you can easily distinguish this type of favourable human from the crowd. Their whole body will send out this scent that brings you warmth and comfort, making you have the urge to approach them and purr, just like that feeling towards your mother. Of course, judging a qualified human partner is an extremely complex process, and the evaluation criteria are not one size fits all. A smart cat will sense the unique human scent just for them.”

Sparta sat up and meowed excitedly to the camera, “Me, me! My human is one of those! My human is the best human in the world!” The other kittens heard him and looked curiously at Sparta, who puffed out his chest and raised his chin high with pride, cutting his head off of the camera. 

Jiang Dabao glanced at Sparta and warned in a deep voice that all cats need to stay within the camera as much as possible.  

Sparta shuffled his paws at the sofa cushion, remaining as excited as before. He lay down and licked his hair to calm down. His Miwu is indeed the best, I can go on for three days and three nights. 

Cong Baohui said with envy, “Amazing, how did you find your human?”

Sparta happily wiggled his tail. “I inherited my human. He is an inheritance left to me by my aunt.”

“Wow, inheritance, woo!” Although it was unclear to them what an inheritance was, the kittens still exclaimed.  

The Dragon Li cat’s whiskers twitched. Ah, I am so popular.

The lecture ended in a relaxed and peaceful atmosphere, it was just that Cong Baohui stopped Sparta at the end of the class. “Meow, my mother said I will choose my human in two to three weeks. Can I assume responsibility over your human? We can play together, and I have a lot of cans.” He was obviously attracted by Sparta’s high-profile flaunting tone and had a very positive impression on Sparta’s human. His mother said that accepting a human is a very risky thing. Kittens who are not familiar with the world may be not able to make the best decision. Instead of making do with a human, it would be better to accept a suitable human to care for.

Sparta hissed at him very impolitely. Hmph, I have cans too! I do not want to share Miwu with you. He turned off the tablet with one paw and dashed upstairs without looking back, then angrily got under the quilt and squeezed his head into the crooks of Miwu’s arms. That annoying fat kitten! Sparta sneezed and stuck out his tongue to lick Miwu’s chain. Miwu is so good that everyone wants him. I must keep a close watch on him. 

Early the next morning, Xin Qin was awakened by being stepped on by Sparta. The cold toe beans patted him on the cheeks and forced him to open his eyes. 

Eat, time to eat, Miwu—Sparta cried out to his human.

“Morning…” Xin Qin’s sleep was completely brought to an end. In a daze, he slowly fished the Dragon Li cat and kissed his fur. Sparta leaned over and licked Xin Qin’s face, then hair, as if the cat was grooming him. The disoriented Xin Qin stayed under the quilt for a while, only coming out once he was clear headed. 

Miwu, I cannot use your tablet anymore. Teacher Dabao said it is out of battery. You have to charge it for me.

Xin Qin sat up and Sparta slipped down from his chest to his lap. He reached out and scratched the top of Sparta’s head with his fingers. Sparta felt so comfortable that his eyes became moon slits as he enjoyed the treatment with his ears folded. Xin Qin pulled out his phone by his bedside and snapped a few photos of Sparta to post on Weibo. When he opened his Weibo, he found there were many new notifications. Only then did he find that his fans had  unknowingly increased by one thousand.  

There were more than two hundred comments under Sparta’s first photo. Many people commented that seeing a big cat with scar on his face selling cuteness was weird but still freaking adorable. Xin Qin drafted out a new post, attached Sparta’s new photo and posted it. He put down his phone, scratched the Dragon Li cat’s chin and shared, “You are going to be a little celebrity. Everyone praised how good-looking you are.” Cute and good-looking were two different words, but in his opinion, Sparta is really good-looking. 

“You are a good cat.”

You are a good human.