The Creature Inside Me

Judging by Irvin’s expression after Zadkiel talked about getting treatment through magic, he seemed happy. He was thinking if Irvin was faking that too? If Irvin was angry on the inside? Only if he had control over his powers, he could read his mind but for now, he had to believe that Irvin was happy for him even if it sounded plain craziness when he knew Irvin wanted him dead.

“Are you sure?” Irvin had a smile on his face as he was asking for Zadkiel’s confirmation but Zadkiel was in a mind battle. He wanted to ask Irvin if he really was happy or was he just pretending to be.

“Yeah.” Zadkiel gave a small smile and a nod.

“I didn’t throw away the subject. I knew one day you’ll come along. I talked to a witch, she is ready to help.” Irvin walked back to him, placed his clothes on the bed before grabbing Zadkiel’s hands in his.

“Thank you so much. Not that I would’ve let you die but I was scared that you wouldn’t even let me try to save you now.” Irvin spoke, staring at Zadkiel’s eyes while squeezing his hands gently. The wolf inside him howled in pleasure. She was happy that she got her alpha back after two days but Zadkiel didn’t know what to feel.

“Yeah, I gave it a thought. Who doesn’t want to live, right?” Zadkiel spoke, his jaw was hurting from faking a smile all the time.

Irvin’s lips curved and the smile broadened. He cupped Zadkiel’s face and leaned down to press his lips against Zadkiel’s forehead, lingering it there. Zadkiel was so overwhelmed with emotions that he had to close his eyes for making himself stop shedding any tears there. The joy and pleasure his body was feeling weren’t helping either. Every bit of his body was screaming that he was falling in love with Irvin but was Irvin falling in love with him like he said or was that a lie too? Would he tell him about all the lies if he admitted the feeling for him? Would he even value his feelings?

“I need to freshen up, then I’ll make a call to see if she’s free today. We’ll visit her today if it’s possible.” Irvin spoke after parting from Zadkiel, showing his toothy grin and two dimples.

“Sure.” Zadkiel turned around to face the mirror again.

“Why do I feel like you’re being reserved? Have you not forgiven me?” Irvin frowned, locking his gaze with the reflection of Zadkiel in the mirror. Zadkiel faced him, shaking his head and smiling. He grabbed Irvin’s hand and stroked it.

“I’ve forgiven you.” He assured him. He wasn’t lying about it. He had forgiven him before he had even asked for his forgiveness because that’s how deep he was in Irvin’s love.

“Then what is it? It looks like you’re not happy that you’re back in this room.” Irvin’s eyebrows knitted together more intensely as a line formed on his forehead. Zadkiel lifted his hand and brushed his fingertips lightly against his forehead to smooth the fold.

“You’re overthinking it. I am happy.” Zadkiel tried his best to assure Irvin, staring deep into his eyes.

“If there’s something bothering you, you can talk it out with me.” Irvin gave him concerned looks.

“I just want to live. I think I’ve found a reason to live.” Zadkiel spoke in a coded message. He couldn’t tell what exactly the reason was but he pretended like it was Irvin. There was a time he wanted to have a long life to spend with Irvin but now all he wanted was to fulfil what he was destined to do. He wanted to bring justice to his pack.

“I’m not going to make a promise this time but I assure you I’ll try my best to give your life back to you.” Irvin gave a small smile to Zadkiel, dipping down and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“I really should freshen up before breakfast.” He spoke, giving one last stroke to Zadkiel’s hand before freeing it and leaving.

After this conversation with Irvin, Zadkiel so wanted to believe that Irvin really wanted a good healthy life for him. He couldn’t read Irvin’s mind but he could tell that the emotions Irvin held behind the curtains of his eyes were real and authentic but there was a part of his brain telling him that he was faking them too.

Zadkiel thought about the conversation he heard between Irvin and his father the day after he came here. He remembered how Irvin sternly dismissed the idea of his father about killing him. He remembered that Irvin told his father that he wouldn’t kick him out nor he would kill him.

If that and today’s conversation is anything to go by, it was clear that Irvin wanted Zadkiel to live but knowing he is cursed and taking him to a doctor instead of a witch was what bothering him.

There was only one possibility.

Irvin knew about everything except the curse.

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“So, you think Irvin doesn’t know a thing?” Abel questioned, sitting back on the bed and watching the football match playing on the television. Their only source to block out their conversation to any listening ear.

Abel had been taking off from his job almost every day now because he wanted to comfort Zadkiel. He couldn’t care less about losing his job. He just didn’t want to leave his best friend alone.

“Just the curse because I sure as hell think that he knows about my parents and what happened to them.” Zadkiel sighed, sitting right beside Abel.

“And you think so because?” Abel cocked his eyebrow.

“I heard him say he doesn’t want to kill me.” Zadkiel shrugged.

“He doesn’t want to kill you… that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to die. For fuck’s sake Zadkiel, stop letting your wolf manipulate you into thinking that anyone of these dudes has a heart. They are murderers. They wiped out a whole pack!” Abel snapped at him.

“You think I don’t know that?! Even if Edmond massacred my pack, it was like 19 years ago. Irvin would’ve been three then. He was a kid. He didn’t know anything?” Zadkiel argued.

“If? He definitely massacred your pack and are you listening to yourself? What happened to everyone who knows and hiding is equally guilty?” Abel looked at him sharply.

“I… I… love him.” Zadkiel couldn’t hold it in as he burst into tears. How was he supposed to hate and love the person at the same time? One second he was hating him and the other he just wanted to cuddle him and sleep in his arms. He was tired of being double hearted all the time and it had only been a day yet. He didn’t know for how long he had to do it.

Abel sighed and felt really bad for his best friend. He never once saw Zadkiel cry like that. Not even when he was told that he had a limited time left for his life. He couldn’t sit back and hear his friend’s sobs.

“Alright, I’ll just talk to him.” He took it upon himself to talk some sense into Irvin as he stood up to go to wherever Irvin’s office was and talk to him but Zadkiel was quick to grab his wrist to stop him.

“No. Please. I don’t want his love if I have to ask for it.” He was never going to beg for love. His sobs got louder and his breaths became rapid as he thought about how he is defending Irvin when all the odds are against him.

Abel plopped down on the bed in his previous position and pulled his best friend into a hug. He rubbed his back in an assurance that at the end of the day, he’d find a way out of it.

“I’m just sick of being on the middle ground. One moment I’m thinking that Irvin is as much guilty as Edmond but the other second, my heart doesn’t let me think about him like that. It tries to convince me that maybe there’s a chance that Irvin is just as naïve as me.” Zadkiel spoke when his emotions stabled and he pulled apart from his best friend.

“Why don’t you like, read his mind or something? You can read minds, right?” Abel suggested.

“Yeah, I think so. I did once read Edmond’s mind but I don’t have control over it. I tried to read his mind but I couldn’t.” Zadkiel answered, fiddling with his fingers.

“You need to practice,” Abel stated. Zadkiel lifted his gaze and stared at Abel.

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Zadkiel cocked his eyebrow.

“Practice on me. Not like reading my mind or controlling my mind is gonna hurt me. Plus you know all about me so, there’s nothing to hide from you. You wouldn’t be prying into my privacy if I’m letting you do it.” Abel offered, sounding excited.

“Okay, but I can’t do it here? Everyone’s gonna know that I’m trying to excel my powers.”

“Well then, I’m quitting my job and we’ll go to the west side of the woods daily to practice it. There’s a little cave there. It’s out of everyone’s sight.” He was determined to help Zadkiel.

“How do you know there’s a cave on the other side of the woods? When did you go there?” Zadkiel frowned. A blush spread across Abel’s cheeks.

“I… uh… went there once… was just taking a stroll.” He stuttered with flushed cheeks. Zadkiel understood and bit his lip to hide the smile.

“Right.” He was trying so hard to hold back his own smile. “Are you a virgin?” That was the first question that came up in his mind after that and the way Abel blushed and swatted his arm, gave him the answer he needed.

“Oh my god! Abel, you liar. You said you just started liking Sean. I never-” He paused. “Wait… it was Sean, right?” He asked for confirmation. Abel scowled.

“Who else it would be, dumbass?” He rolled his eyes. “Plus, we didn’t plan it. Things just escalated. And we’re going off-topic here.” He so wanted to change the topic.

“Damn it! You mated! Abel, do you even know what that means?” Zadkiel was so excited for his best friend.

“I don’t know and why are you so excited? Haven’t you mated yet? Irvin marked you before Sean marked me.” Abel asked.

“No, we haven’t but you guys… I’m so proud of you. I feel like my son has finally grown up.” Zadkiel wiped off a fake tear, making Abel roll his eyes again at him. “By the way, this means that nobody on earth can break your bond now. You can never be separated unless one of you die.” Zadkiel grinned at him.

“Yeah, I know.” Abel smiled.

“Wait… you said he marked you. When?” Zadkiel didn’t remember Abel telling him about the mark.

“Right before the things got escalated.” Abel chuckled. “Now, back to the topic. We’re going there daily to practice. Okay?” He tried again to change the topic and this time Zadkiel let him.

“I can’t let you quit your job like that,” Zadkiel murmured.

“Yes, you can because after everything is settled we both are going to find a job for ourselves in a firm. All I can think about on my job is you.” Abel sighed. Zadkiel stared at him in adoration.

“I think there was a glitch in the system. You should’ve been my mate.” Zadkiel chuckled.

“I know right? I mean, I would’ve married you if Irvin hadn’t shown up to snatch you away from me.” Abel laughed.

“Then we could live on mountains in a small cottage near the river. We’d eat fish every day.” Zadkiel joined Abel in laughing.

“We’d adopt three kids. Two girls and one boy.” Abel sighed dramatically which made Zadkiel laugh more loudly.

“We’d be a happy couple.” Zadkiel chuckled.

“Right? Damn you, Irvin!” Abel said in fake anger and both the best friends started laughing again at their silliness.

“Well, jokes aside. You should be ready by 9 tomorrow, mister. It’s training time.” Abel reminded him.

“Sure, darling.” Zadkiel still was in the mood to joke as he crawled up on Abel.

“Stop it!” Abel pushed him away, laughing. Zadkiel sat back, leaning against the headboard and sighed.

“Do you miss the orphanage?” He asked Abel who turned his head towards him.

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

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