The Duke's Passion

"You don't regret it, do you?" I inquired as I gazed at the Duke's mansion. "You don't regret taking his hand that night which you're holding on to until now, right?"

"No." Her answer was quick and light as if she didn't have to think about that answer.

"Why?" I asked, casting her a side-eye.

The young Lilou pressed her lips together as she took a deep breath. "Because I like him."

"That's too simple of an answer." A chuckle escaped my lips, wondering why Sam liked this simpleton back then.

"If the answer is simple, why do I need to complicate it?" she inquired, tilting her head to the side. "I like him and learned to love him. So, I want to keep loving him even if it means dealing with Mister Fabian's scary lesson, and Sir Knight's death glare."

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. All I could do was look at her in awe. 

"Also, the duke gives me many foods. I don't have to starve to death. Clothes too! Although, I hate it when they cinched my waist." She continued with a pout, sighing that made her shoulder lower. 

"You... how can you be bribed by those things?" I asked under my breath, in disbelief at my foolish younger self. "Do you know what comes after by staying at his side?"

She frowned and looked at me in disappointment. "How could I know? I'm not a fortune teller."

"Exactly, Lilou! Have some common sense. A man in power like him is bound with complicated situations. He is a royalty, after all." I breathed out in distress, shaking my head lightly while scolding her. She didn't seem pleased, but this was for her own good.

"So, what?" she asked, to my dismay. 

"Goodness. Don't you understand what I'm saying? Are you daft?"

"Gosh... my older self is such a disappointment!" she mumbled and hearing that from her irked me at a certain level. I couldn't retaliate at her as her next words silenced me.

"It's not like I didn't have an idea what I am stepping into. I know it's not my place to love a royalty — even dreaming of being with one is taboo. Not to mention, he is a vampire and I'm nothing but a peasant girl." The younger Lilou bent her knees, resting her arms over it and her chin on her arms. "But it's not like I can dictate my heart. He loved me, and I loved him. What comes along is just a test of that love. It's as simple as that."

"You..."

"Also, I'm already aware of how cruel this world can be. Choosing my happiness knowing I can get hurt in the future doesn't matter." Her eyes that were gazing at the landscape softened as the corner of her lips curled up into a smile. "I live in the present. I may die today or an hour later, so I don't want to die thinking I should've done this and that."

She turned her head to me, bearing her light and carefree smile. "It's free to dream, you know? This world is already tough, so why would you be hard on yourself?"

This... was what I missed about her. This simplicity and how she had viewed the world. 

She wasn't that deep of a thinker, but her depth of character was what I admired about her. 

I reached my hand out to her, patting her back gently. "You did a good job, Lilou."

A giggle slipped past her lips as she faced me. Her cheek was blushing in pink as her eyes glowed with the answers to the world.

"I'm proud of you," she said and carelessly ruffled my hair. 

How could she say that she was proud of what I had become? Although she had a point, I could never be like her. I couldn't stay ignorant, nor I could clean these soiled hands. 

"Thank you," she suddenly uttered, making my brows raise. "For not forgetting about me."

I wanted to tell her I forgot about her and I came here by accident, but my tongue kept rolling back. She looked too happy to get disappointed once again.

"Lilou." She perked up at me while I drew my head back in surprise. "Do you regret it?"

"Pardon?"

"Loving Sam! Do you regret being with him?" 

My lips parted, but no immediate answer came out of me. Did I ever regret loving Sam? Her question momentarily made me recall everything Sam and I went through.

It took me quite a moment before the corner of my lips curled up. I shook my head lightly.

"Not even a second," I replied which made her grin from ear to ear. "I love him, so why would I?"

"See? It's simple, right?"

I bit my lower lip and chuckled, gazing back at the duke's mansion. "It's not that simple."

"Come on!" she hollered, but that made me giggle even more.

The Lilou two years back and the current Lilou might've changed. But something never changed. 

I gazed at her and saw her complaining, while I simply smiled subtly. "We still view Love the same, Lilove."

"I know, right?" she smiled warmly.

I didn't know how long I stayed with my younger self in that dream. But what I could tell was, I found my peace with her. It may sound strange, but I feel reconnected.

******

"Li... love."

I weakly opened my eyes, hearing Sam's weak voice calling for my name. He sounded so helpless and scared. I felt his hand squeeze mine lightly.

"Love, when will you wake up?" he inquired. His hands that were holding mine trembled. 

'Sam, why do you sound so scared?' I wondered as I blinked to recover my sight.

"Please, come back to me. I missed you."

When I could see the unfamiliar high ceiling clearly, I moved my gaze to my left. There, Sam was sitting on a chair beside the bed. He was holding my hand with both his hands while resting his forehead on it. 

"S --" 

I tried calling him, but the scratching pain in my throat made it hard to even swallow. It was not the same pain when someone didn't have a drink for a long time. The pain was similar to when someone screamed their lungs out. 

I didn't linger on that thought longer, though. Instead, I tried to move my body, but nothing. It was as if I was paralyzed from the neck down. 

'What is going on?' I wondered, staring at Sam in hopes he would look at me. Sadly, he didn't. 

'Love, look here,' I requested internally, but Sam just called my name and told me to come back. 'I'm back, love... why won't you look at me?'

"S --" My second attempt to call him failed once again. 

So, I stopped trying and just gazed at the ceiling. I could hear all his words of apology, his prayers for me to come back, and just everything. 

'Was I unconscious for a long time?' I wondered, blinking my heavy eyes. 'He sounds like it's been a decade since my confrontation with Alphonse.'

Wait... it hadn't been a decade, right? I didn't go into slumber like how Sam slept for centuries, right? My eyes dilated at the thought of sleeping for a decade.

'I need to move!' I gasped mentally, but all I could do was blink. Why can't I move? Am I paralyzed? Did Alphonse do something funny when he pierced my chest?

'No, no, no! Did he really...?' 

I was horrified at all the silly thoughts hovering over my head. I had the urge to smack my weeping husband, as he sounded like I was dead! Just look in here! My brows creased as I only realized now that Sam wasn't speaking anymore. 

I moved my eyes to him, blinking. He was looking back at me, wide-eyed. He had finally noticed that he wasn't widowed yet.

Strangely enough, Sam started staring at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Right. Story time." He cleared his throat, standing from his seat as he walked towards the shelf. 

Question marks hovered over my head. Didn't he see me? How could he ignore that his wife was finally awake? I was beyond confused until someone knocked on the door.

"Your Grace, the young master request an audience with Your Grace." Someone from the outside announced. He didn't sound like Fabian or Rufus.

"Oh," Sam didn't speak for a long time. "He can come in." 

My initial thought of Sam's visitor was Claude since he was the only young master in here. But when the sound of the door opening and closing reached my ear, what I heard next rendered me shocked.

"Father."

- END OF VOLUME 5 PART I -