The Duke's Passion

Sam never left me out of his sight; even when he was interrogating Jaime Malum, I stayed. I had no reason not to, so I listened to their conversation. It was mostly about Jaime's shady connections. Of course, the viscount could only tremble in fear the more my husband spoke.

Jaime didn't expect that he had already caught the emperor's eyes a long time ago, and they had been investigating him. So, Sam knew more than Jaime thought. Hence the fear in Jaime's eyes. Still, since the young Earl needed to establish his position, killing Jaime wasn't smart. Another person would just replace Jaime and try to control the Earl.

So, my husband ordered this viscount to guide the young Earl and slowly transfer the stolen power and influence to him. If Sam deemed his execution proper, he would reconsider what punishment he would give to the House Malum.

After that, Sam asked him to give the son who tried to harass me. Although he didn't need to, my husband was adamant about proceeding in teaching Jaime's son a lesson. The latter didn't even fight for his son because he just agreed. 

This boring discussion went on for about an hour as they extracted information from him. It was still a surprise that they were treating Jaime Malum as if they were doing proper business with him. Instead of holding him in some kind of dungeon where Fabian would have fun with him.

When all was done, Sam and I returned to where Law was sleeping, as per my request. Honestly, I felt like I had a loose leash because Sam really didn't stay away even for a second. I couldn't blame him, though.

"He said, 'I hate him,' because I was in slumber because of him," I recalled softly, sitting on the chair beside the bed while staring at Law. He looked to be in pain even when he was asleep, clutching the sheet tightly.

"He is quite the emotional kid," Sam answered as I glanced at him. He was standing in front of the window with a glass of wine in his hand. My husband glanced back at me before leaning his back on the side of the window, arms crossed.

I pursed my lips and peeled my eyes away from him to my son. "This feels weird."

Sam didn't speak after my remark. Staring at Law felt strange and the thought of waking up only to find out I had a five-year-old son. 

"This is not how I expect it to feel," I said as my eyes softened, letting out a shallow sigh. "Am I happy? I don't know. But I am definitely shocked... that is what I am sure of."

I extended my arm and stroke Law's hair with the tip of my fingers. A weak smile dominated my lips, staring at him who looked like his father more when asleep. 

"We occasionally talk about starting a family, Sam, and I'm always the happiest whenever we talk about it. I always imagined what our family would look like countless times. I wondered what our child will look like, and I consistently feel this strong anticipation and excitement just thinking about it. I told myself I will shower our child with all my love once the time comes." I paused as bitterness flickered across my eyes. "But now that he is actually here, I don't know what to feel."

That was my hundred percent honesty. 

Although it pained me to see this child cry because he blamed himself for what happened to me, I couldn't really feel this... motherly feeling I had always heard from the ladies in Grimsbanne. I didn't even know what that felt like. What I only knew was this guilt, fear, and many other things but that 'motherly feeling.'

None of this was motherly love, I thought. The rewarding feeling everyone talked about didn't even cross my emotions; only this anxiety was one of the distinct emotions I felt while staring at Law.

"What if I kill him?" I wondered under my breath, biting my lower lip lightly. "Five years... but I don't even know him. What if I can't meet his expectations? What if I end up hurting him?"

Tears already formed on the corner of my eyes and before I realized it was already rolling down my cheek. Law had waited for five years. He grew up without a mother and the oblivious Sam suddenly needed to raise a son. 

"Five long years... I missed five years of my life, our life, Sam." I breathed out sharply as I withdrew my hand away from Law. "How can I catch up to those missing five years of our son's life?"

This would be easier if I only needed to continue my life, like before I went into slumber. However, a lot of things changed and all of them were enormous changes. I now had a son, and my husband became the emperor. It was hard to take everything in just a single night. 

"I..." my breath hitched when I felt his arm wrapped around me from behind me. I reached for his arm and leaned closer to him, closing my eyes while tears continued to pool behind my eyelids.

"I'm... scared, Sam." — terrified was even an understatement of these sudden roles I woke up to. 

Sam embraced me in silence while I muffled my cries. As usual, his presence and warm embrace were enough to comfort this overwhelming anxiety creeping into my heart. 

"I understand how you feel," he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder while stroking my bicep with his thumb. "We'll take it slowly, love. No rush. Our son is smarter and more mature than you think he is, and it's not like this is the first time I had to wait to see you. We have time, Lilou... a lot of time to fill those missing five years."

His tone was gentler than ever. It was soothing. I pursed my lips and nodded, clutching his arm tightly. 

"I'm just glad I didn't need millennia to see you again," he added in the same tone, leaning the side of his head against mine. "I really missed you and I'm more than delighted... words can't even give justice to how happy I am to be with you."

"Sam..."

"You will be a great mother, Lilou," Sam affirmed softly. "Just giving birth to a life is already amazing in itself. Thank you for giving Law to me."

There was something in his words and tone that made me cry a river. My tears just wouldn't stop even when I was hiccuping and had to catch my breath. Sam didn't let me go and held me tightly, but not tight enough to suffocate me. We stayed like that all night while staring at Law. 

Although everything still felt weird and surreal, I didn't dislike staring at Law. Actually, it brought this smile to my lips for no reason. 

"He is adorable," I commented after a long time, but Sam disagreed.

"If he is asleep. I swear, my dear, he is the only one aside from you who makes me feel helpless." I chuckled at Sam's remark as he exhaled.