The Grand Mistress

"You are willing to give up ballet for me?" Simione asked, her chest beating so rapidly out of anticipation. She couldn't believe that a day would come that Lyndon Tang would sacrifice ballet just for her. Would this day finally be the reason that all of Tang's frustration about Lyndon's chosen career would end? Would he finally leave ballet, be with her and work on the family's business?

"Yes," Lyndon's answer did not falter. He said it straight, communicating right through the girl that this predicament was something he had thought of carefully. He was seriously going to give up all his dreams for her.

Simione didn't understand what she felt. She looked at the boy, half curious, half frustrated about what made him so desperate to do this. Was he really afraid to lose her? Why does it feel like things don't seem believable now? 

Lyndon believed that this last act of his would finally melt Simione's heart. Didn't she always want to be with him? Now, he was finally going to give up ballet for her. However, what Simione and his grandparents didn't know was that Lyndon had been tired of ballet. Ever since that incident a few years ago where he willingly committed a crime at the expense of someone else so he could move forward with his dream, things had been thought and dark. His conscience haunted him all the way and he just wanted to give up now. 

The boy realized that since he was so done with the world of ballet and all the dark things that goes with it, so he was then trying to fix himself and was hopeful that Simione's love, which he slightly ignored and neglected for few years will be his salvation now. He clung to her and hoped that with her warmth and the new life they would cross together, things will finally have some sense.

He was confident that his decision would finally change the direction of her life.

But he was wrong.

Because Simione didn't take any more pleasure with his promises, surprisingly.

The girl didn't understand why but it felt like she missed out something all these years. When she lost Lyndon's love and favor a few weeks ago when she was with Feather naked on bed, she did lose everything and so she was forced to see a life without him in the distant future. That life that she had a glimpse on gave her some sense of freedom and seemed to be more exciting than going back to Lyndon's arms. Perhaps her broken trust made her unable to find joy in his proposal or simply, she didn't believe anymore they can still be fixed right now.

"Lyndon," Simione shook her head and for some reason, Lyndon felt threatened by it. "I…I…"

"Simione, please… didn't you always want this?"

"Yes….or so I think," Simione replied honestly. She herself for a second did think that what Lyndon had offered her was the redemption she would be most happy about but unexpectedly, she felt no joy nor healing with it. Instead, she just became more miserable knowing how Lyndon loved ballet so much and that since he was going to give it up for her, she had to face the responsibility for it. She doesn't think she can handle that. What if Lyndon wouldn't be satisfied with living with her after he gave up ballet for her and cast the blame on her? She doesn't think she can handle that. So, she stepped back out from all that the Tang's young master was offering.

"What do you mean?" Lyndon was confused and became more miserable than he already was. How could Simione do this to him? How could she be so hard on him? He only committed a mistake once, shouldn't he deserve a second chance?

"I don't think I can say yes to your proposal," Simione took the courage to refuse him even when the expression in his eyes broke her heart. She never did in her entire life except that one day, she was going to refuse him.

"How could you be this cruel Sisi?" Lyndon charged at her holding her tightening chest. "Do I not deserve a second chance? Was I that bad that you can't consider the fact I am basically doing everything in my power right now to fix us and yet you are not cooperating. What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing," Simione's tears unconsciously fell at his words. This was the first time Lyndon had said something like this to her but she willingly took the hurt that came along with it. However, no matter how painful things were between the two of them right now, Simiones heart however took consolation at the fact that this time, she was finally giving herself some chance to love herself more than anything else. 

She had many realizations in the past few weeks and one thing she learned from what happened between her and Lyndon was to reserve some love for herself. All these years, she had given Lyndon everything he asked her to do and be the person he wanted her to be. And so when he cheated on her, she crumbled hard and deep. She thought she couldn't escape the hole he pushed her in but luckily, her brave self who had been hiding all along inside her dragged her all the way out from the pit and gave her a chance to survive. Now what she was doing was just protecting herself from more agony and if Lyndon could not see that, then she can do nothing about it anymore. She chose to love herself now more than she loved the boy, afterall, she gave him her everything already before.

"I'm so sorry brother Don," Simione apologized for it. "I can't give you what you seek right now. I'm too broken to give something more, i have nothing left,"

Hearing it was like a series of tornadoes that crushed into Lyndon's inside, tearing his heart, his pride and his ego.. Without saying anything, he stood with indignation and stormed out of the door.