The Guardian Knight of Affection-Starved Young Ladies

34 – Selassie (02)

035.

In the North, it is not easy to shed the shackles of being a woman.

Selassie could confidently say she knew that best.

-You must speak more gently, my lady.

-Always act modestly, a good match likes a delicate woman.

-You have no talent for swordsmanship. With that body, even armor would be burdensome.

“…”

Woman, woman, woman.

That damned woman.

Is there no place for a woman in the North?

Yet, she was the eldest daughter of the great Duke of Hyatt, who ruled the North.

-Memorize everything by today and get tested.

Her beloved brother would bring a pile of etiquette books and place them in front of her.

-Tsk. Cover your hair. It’s ominous.

She was scared.

Of her brother, of her father, of the weight of the family.

She felt like she would be cast out if she rebelled.

On the days she forced herself to read all those etiquette books, she often cried silently.

In that vast mansion, she had no one on her side.

-Goodbye, sister…

Her younger sister, another woman in the family, had already given up.

My younger sibling, who was still at an age where there were many things they wanted to do, married a boy from a marquis family with a guaranteed future early on.

The feeling I had while watching that was…

Not really,

I don’t think it was good.

*

I think it was around the time when the coming-of-age ceremony was approaching.

It was definitely then that my brother took away the maid who was at least friendly with me.

– Miss!

When asked where he was taking her, my brother answered like that.

Just prepare to choose a suitable man for your coming-of-age ceremony.

Maybe it was because it was the first affection I had ever felt.

I had to put in a considerable effort to find out the whereabouts of the maid who was taken away as if being dragged.

The maid was said to have been sold as a slave to some noble family.

It was probably then.

When something inside Celacia showed its limits.

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For the first time, I resisted.

The studies I didn’t want to do, the etiquette classes, everything the family forced upon me.

I threw away the cultural books,

I screamed until my voice was hoarse, far from a fine voice,

and I staked my life on magic instead of the sword.

Since I caused such a mess inside the mansion, I had to bear the aftermath alone.

My father’s favoritism intensified, and my brother even tried to tear out my hair.

It doesn’t matter.

I held the coming-of-age ceremony without the family’s support and stormed out of the social world.

When I mastered second-tier magic alone, I cried again.

But it was okay.

I think the tears that flowed then had a different meaning.

Day by day.

The inside of the mansion was full of enemies.

The family’s people, my father’s people, and Torn’s people.

Without “my people,” I stood in front of Thorn.

I was afraid of what might happen if that trash of a human became the head of the family.

Fortunately, there were many people in the family who claimed to be neutral.

I knew that it was not neutrality but rather an opportunity-seeking behavior, but it didn’t matter.

I also needed someone to use and discard appropriately.

If they weren’t people like Makbel or Craders who had been with me from the beginning, they couldn’t be trusted.

The walls of my heart had long been closed.

I didn’t tell my father about Thorn’s actions.

I didn’t know if he knew, but I knew that was even scarier.

If, really if.

If my father knew about Thorn’s actions and pretended not to.

I didn’t have the courage to stay sane.

I didn’t expect the convenient scenario where I would tell on Thorn, and my enraged father would dethrone him.

Instead, I just tried my best.

But if everything could be achieved with effort,

If such a delusional dream were possible,

I wouldn’t have had to close the walls of my heart.

-Haa… Haa…

The burning heat felt on my cheeks.

I remember the knight who had started to earn my trust enough to be assigned as my guard, attacking me in the middle of the night.

It was the first time I killed someone with magic.

That was the turning point.

Those who had contacted or talked with Thorn all turned their backs on me or targeted me.

Thorn’s face looked calm in the daylight,

But at night, it felt like walking through a living hell.

I slept less and less.

I started to doubt everything.

The walls of my heart became even more solid.

Those who received my heart left.

That trust turned around and targeted me.

It felt like I was going crazy.

Because of extreme anxiety and doubt, it felt like I was going crazy.

Day by day.

As the faces of those appearing in the conference room disappeared, my face lost its expression.

Instead, I wore a mask.

The mask was quite effective, so it was possible to deceive my own heart.

That I wasn’t betrayed, but that I was the one who betrayed.

That I wasn’t hurt, but that I was just disappointed because my power had diminished.

Fortunately, thanks to the etiquette education I received in the past, I could decorate the mask beautifully.

With a fine and soft voice.

With an elegant yet gentle posture.

With a shy, faint smile.

The mask was another me that I created.

One that could walk outside the wall built in my heart,

Me.

*

After making the mask, I could avoid getting hurt.

Sometimes I got confused about what the real ‘me’ was…

Well, I didn’t think it was very important.

The one who gets betrayed is the me outside the wall.

The one who gets hurt is also the me outside the wall.

The one wearing the beautiful mask is not me.

So I thought it was okay.

In the end, as long as the me inside the wall doesn’t get hurt, it’s fine.

When I checked if I was wearing the mask properly, I would tap my chin with my index finger.

I got so used to it that I could tell just by feeling the shape of my chin muscles.

Before I knew it, I forgot how to make a real smile.

I met a strange boy.

It started when my father rarely gave me a task.

He said a guest from the Lakatus family would come, so just let them pass.

What could be happening in the north for a family located in the southeastern part of the imperial continent?

I accepted it because my mind was already complicated with the civil war.

A shabby carriage arrived near the boundary of the territory.

I didn’t really care because I had already heard about what was happening.

The one who volunteered to be the coachman was a boy.

A young boy who didn’t seem to have even gone through the coming-of-age ceremony yet.

The left monocle attached to his sharp eyes was impressive.

No matter what I asked, he responded indifferently.

It didn’t feel like he was in a bad mood, but rather that he really had no interest.

It seemed like he was alone even though he was supposed to be an escort.

Was he confident in his skills?

He was someone trusted by the head of the Rakatus family.

I was a bit envious.

What would it be like if I had someone I could trust like that?

The boy also seemed to have trust in the Rakatus family.

His cold, curt answers showed that.

I felt a bit jealous of that.

I tried to make small talk here and there for no reason.

The boy dismissed it, saying he had nothing to say.

It seemed like a passing interest.

Unexpected news came suddenly.

And the content was quite shocking.

Among those involved in the magical world, there is no one who doesn’t know about the mental image.

Moreover, if it was someone who hadn’t even gone through the coming-of-age ceremony and hadn’t learned magic for long.

The rumor spreading in the social circles was that the young lady of the Rakatus family had awakened her mental image.

At first, I couldn’t believe it.

She wasn’t famous from a young age.

She just suddenly appeared and showed a gem that shone brighter than anyone else.

The impact of that event lasted quite a while.

If I had a mental image too, driving out Thorn wouldn’t be a problem.

The more I thought about it.

The face that came to mind was that of a boy.

In the north, cold men are not popular.

Therefore, everyone tries to show a warm smile.

Was it because of that?

The boy’s indifferent expression was unforgettable.

My thoughts drifted to the matter of the Lady of Lakatus.

The Lady of Lakatus, who had come to the north and had never shown herself until now.

A boy who had escorted such a lady.

It was from then that rumors about the boy’s demeanor began to spread.

What I managed to gather from the scarce information network was the landscape of his demeanor.

They said the Lady of Lakatus’s demeanor resembled Winter Island.

And within it, the figure of a boy was depicted.

Most dismissed it as mere delusion, but it couldn’t be ignored.

The fact that the head of the Lakatus family assigned only one escort, and

that they came all the way from the southeastern continent to here, taking Winter Island as their demeanor.

The conclusion was one.

The boy must be brought.

If, by any chance, there was something about that boy.

If bringing the boy could also grant me the demeanor.

It was a few hours later that I conveyed my words to the head of the Lakatus family.

The boy was indeed strange.

Contrary to his indifferent appearance, he was deep in thought.

I never expected him to see through the lie I had concocted to bring him.

That must have been the reason.

The reason I became more and more interested in the boy.

Yes, interest.

It should have ended there.

I was surprised when the boy, who introduced himself as Kalen, saw through all my schemes.

I thought I had made a fairly plausible excuse, but Kalen had figured out from the start that this situation was targeting him.

I secretly liked it.

In the end, he was just like the others, looking out for his own interests, but at least Kallen didn’t approach me wrapped in hypocrisy and lies.

Just as he was.

He said it didn’t matter if I couldn’t believe him.

That’s how we made a promise, like a transaction.

I was taken aback when I took Kallen to the restaurant.

Because my trashy brother showed interest in him.

Even my father knew Kallen.

Those who had spoken with Thorn all turned their backs on him.

It was an act akin to a declaration.

Thorn openly said he would win Kallen over.

The pretext he brought forward was also a sound argument.

Father favored his eldest son, Thorn, so it was a perfect pretext.

Even those who had been with us for a long time were swayed.

It was hard to think that Kallen wouldn’t do the same.

So, it was hard to lift my head.

I didn’t want to face the reality that I might get hurt again.

However.

What surprised me even more were Kallen’s words.

He casually rejected the words of the Grand Duke’s eldest son.

He even said that the eye color, which had been a subject of avoidance, was pretty.

Father then opened the path to the front line, which had been impenetrable.

I still can’t understand the actions that followed.

Perhaps because too many unprecedented things happened simultaneously.

Outside the wall, I was looking back at myself inside through a very small hole.

*

The events at the front line were not easy, even as an empty word.

The tasks to be handled were one thing, but during the time I couldn’t be involved, many people turned their backs again.

But it was strange.

It felt a little different from before.

I realized what that feeling was on the night of the meeting.

-That line, pass it to me. I will gladly bear it.

The words that trust is something to be built.

It was nothing short of a reverse scale.

Hearing about the possibility of Makbel’s betrayal from someone else’s mouth made my head spin and I felt like throwing up.

Yet, Kallen advised.

That it was dangerous.

That the possibility of it being a trap was too high.

Did he say that trust is something to be built?

The relationship with Makbel was already built.

Longer and stronger than anything else.

The feeling of it being denied was terrible.

But he said.

Kallen said to pass that line of relationship to him.

I knew it was for my sake.

To save the North, for that journey of personal revenge against Thorn.

Kallen said he would bear it himself.

It was all a first-time experience.

Being told that my hair color and eyes were pretty.

That true relationships are built, and that he would walk that path with me.

To someone who had only known false beliefs, he said he would create true beliefs.

The heartbeat of that night was also a first-time experience.

I slept a little differently than usual.

Time passed, and when I was isolated on Mount Hiatt.

When I realized that Kallen’s words were true.

When an unknown fog surrounded us.

When countless monsters were tightening their grip on us.

Kallen protected me under the guise of a mere escort.

Even as his whole body became a wreck.

He held me, who was nothing but a burden and a hindrance.

I was lonely.

In fact, I was so lonely that I couldn’t bear it.

I wanted to turn away, even if it meant creating a distorted excuse called a mask.

…I wanted to be loved.

Once the wall of my heart began to crumble, it was impossible to stop.

Finally, I faced the ‘me inside the wall’ that I had never shown to anyone.

And there, a small girl was facing a boy.

The boy stayed by the girl’s side.

He promised sincere trust, saying he would not betray her.

And he kept that promise.

In fact, I might have wanted to give up.

Because it was so hard.

And because I was lonely.

I might have wanted to give up, saying it was because of the fog and the monsters, that there was no other choice.

The wall had long since crumbled.

The girl, who had not grown at all inside, drowning in loneliness, was saved.

By the boy who promised not to betray her, who promised to protect her.

That promise was not a lie, in the clearest form.

It doesn’t matter that the fog is thick, that they are surrounded by monsters and cannot escape.

It was certain because he did not leave her behind.

It was time to accept the fact that I had been desperately denying.

Trust is the precursor to betrayal.

Selassia, who had accepted this as the truth, was ready to be hurt once more.

With the betrayal of Machvel already certain.

The girl bet everything on the boy.

Selassia held Kalen’s crumbling body tenderly in her arms.

She stroked Kalen’s cheek as if to soothe all the wounds on his body.

Whether they died to that giant monster.

Or to the monsters that would soon rush in here.

Or because they couldn’t escape the fog.

Selassia simply closed her eyes and embraced Kallen.

A faint smile on her face.

But clearly different from that of a beautiful mask.

The girl finally remembered how to smile.

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She closed her eyes for the last time as the dark hue faded from the back of the boy’s neck.