The Hated Male Concubine

#152

However, he couldn’t do that. Hwawoon thought he shouldn’t do that for Seocheon’s sake. The moment Seocheon knew, he would be an accomplice to everything that would happen. It was a high crime to know that someone was deceiving the emperor of a nation and not speak up. He couldn’t put such a burden on Seocheon.

“If you need time to think about it, we can talk about it later. I’ll give you a few days to think about it.”

Hwawoon continued, holding back the sobs that kept threatening to burst out

So Jeong said that Seocehon was in a similar situation to him, but Hwawoon didn’t think so. For So Jeong, Yeocheong was a priceless lover, but for Seocheon, Hawoon would never mean that much. That was why Seocheon had saved his life, since he might have died if he had just left him drowning. So, Hwawoon didn’t think Seocheon would mind receiving the reward.

“… I have nothing else I wish for.”

But Seocheon gave an unexpected answer after the long silence. Hwawoon’s eyes widened slightly in confusion, and Seocheon continued.

“However… there is one thing I would like to ask you.”

“What is it that you want to ask…?”

“Your Highness, if you really want to bestow a reward on this little person, I just hope that you can answer my question.”

Hearing Seocheon’s voice, which seemed to be a little too reserved, Hwawoon swallowed hard, feeling nervous. Hwawoon clenched his fists inside his sleeves and nodded.

“Go ahead and tell me.”

“Your Highness, do you… do you happen to know a man named Hawoon?”

Hwawoon felt his breath was caught in his throat for a moment. It was the first time he had heard the name since the day he was told of his death. A strong wave of sadness washed over him as he suddenly heard the name that he had thought to have disappeared from the world. Hwawoon bit and released his lips several times. It was fortunate that Seocheon had his head down and couldn’t see his condition.

“Hawoon… By Hawoon…”

“It’s the name of the guard who died saving you when you drowned in the past.”

Even as he spoke so calmly, Seocheon was clenching his fists so hard that his nails dug into his flesh.

No one spoke of Hawoon’s death. Everyone was busy talking about how different Yeon Hwawoon had become, how that devil kind of person had turned into a gentle and kind person. However, not one of them remembered that underneath it all was the death of someone so good and kind.

And now, a thought crossed Seocheon’s mind. If Hawoon were alive—he knew it couldn’t be true, but if Hawoon was here in another life—wouldn’t he be sad that no one remembered his name?

“Yes. I think… I think I’ve heard of that name.”

“So you’ve only heard of that name?”

“…”

Seocheon’s next question was so sharp that Hwawoon was momentarily speechless. It was hard to guess the meaning behind his question. Seocheon then slowly moved his body and took something out of his pocket and held it out in front of Hwawoon.

“Oh…!”

Hwawoon suddenly let out an exclamation. It was the handkerchief that Hawoon had given Seocheon long ago to cover the wound on his hand.

“Why is this… No, why… I mean… What is… What is this…”

Hwawoon’s words were jumbled. Seocheon just sat there, watching Hwawoon with a sharp gaze, not wanting to miss any of his reactions.

Last night, Seocheon had the most ridiculous idea. It was the kind of absurdity that only a madman could conjure up. The way Hwawoon had looked at him, full of confusion and shaken, the way Yeonbin had changed in such an unbelievably short period of time with a personality that was all too familiar to him, the way his voice had called his name so naturally and fondly when he’d pulled him out of the water. It all came together in a way that kept leading Seocheon to make unbelievable assumptions.

“Have you ever seen this handkerchief before?”

“… I’ve never seen it before.”

“Then how about me?”

Seocheon was cornering Hwawoon. No, it was like Hwawoon was driving himself to a dead end, Over a question that would mean nothing if he said he didn’t know. Hwawoon kept gasping, looking at a loss, over a question that just needed him to say he didn’t know about the handkerchief or even the lowly guard in front of him.

“Have you ever seen me before? How did you know my name?”

“I’m… Well, it’s not that…”

“Your Highness Yeonbin.”

Your Highness Yeonbin. Seocheon called Hwawoon firmly, looking at his eyes that were now filled with tears. All in while having one name in mind that he really wanted to call him, pushing down his hope that Hwawoon would give him a different answer.

“Do you really… don’t know Hawoon… and me?”

Seocheon was pleading. It was a desperate plea to know that he wasn’t crazy, that some miracle had happened in this vast world. Tears streamed down Seocheon’s cheeks and dripped to the floor. He couldn’t help but cry as he realized that the wish he had prayed for every night since losing Hawoon, the wish that seemed like it would never come true, might be realized here, in this moment, in a different form.

Standing on the blurry line between desperation and anticipation, Seocheon looked at Hwawoon.

At that time, Hwawoon wanted to scream. He wanted to spill out the secret he’d been holding in for so long, the secret he’d been desperately hiding, the secret that had made him beat himself up. Hwawoon thought that Seocheon knew. He was sure that Seocheon had guessed that he was Hawoon, not Yeon Hwawoon. How he knew was unknown, but Hwawoon didn’t really want to know. All that mattered was that he was the only one in the palace who seemed to have guessed his secret.

“I… I…!”

But Hwawoon couldn’t get the last word out and kept stopping himself. When he tried to speak, when he tried to let out everything, he kept seeing Yihan’s face.

Hwawoon couldn’t help but think of the hurt on the face of that person, who had accepted the fact that he loved him, a feeling that wouldn’t have been easy to admit, and given him the most precious thing in the world. That made Hwawoon unable to bring himself to tell Seocheon everything here.

If someone were to find out, if he were to tell the whole truth with his own words, then the first person he would tell had to be the emperor. Hwawoon thought so.

Because he was his lover. Because he was the only one who had Hwawoon’s heart. Although he had won his heart through deceit, his love for that person was genuine. So, Hwawoon believed Yihan should be the first to know.

Hwawoon bit his lip painfully. A tear rolled down his shaking chin. And when Hwawoon was finally about to say with remorse that he didn’t know the man called Hawoon and that he didn’t know Seocheon,

Seocheon was the first to speak.

“… No. It’s fine, Your Highness. Please don’t answer.”

“…”

“I’ve already found the answer… So, you don’t have to try to force yourself to answer.”

Sometimes, words were conveyed to the heart even without being spoken. Although Hwawoon didn’t confirm any of Seocheon’s questions, in his hesitation, in his tears, in every agonized breath, Seocheon had already heard the answer.

Seocheon slowly raised to his feet. He smoothed out his crumpled clothes and wiped his wet face with his sleeve. Then, very slowly, Seocheon bowed to the man in front of him.

“As your servant, I am a guard who has to protect you with my life, Your Highness.”

There were nights when Seocheon thought nothing else mattered as long as Hawoon lived. He felt like he could pay any price to bring him back to life. Seocheon couldn’t figure out how this was possible. Maybe he was just crazy, but despite all his doubts, he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy at this moment.

“So, Your Highness…”

“…”

“When you want it, wherever it be, and whatever you want me to be.”

After all the days of sadness, loneliness, anger, resentment, and confusion, here, Seocheon thought. Hawoon had already crossed over lives and had become the Emperor’s concubine, and though he would never be able to stand beside Hawoon as a friend again, it was enough. Seocheon only wished he could be of some small comfort to the person who must have carried such a heavy burden all alone.

As long as he lived, no matter what he looked like, whether he became the emperor’s man or not, Seocheon would fulfill his part here as a friend.

“Your Highness, I’ll be right by your side.”

Seocheon’s forehead slowly touched the floor. Spring, which seemed like it would never come again, came back to Seocheon in the middle of summer.