The Hated Male Concubine

#163

Realizing how profoundly jealousy could affect a person, Yihan took a deep breath to regain his composure before addressing Seocheon.

“Your duty was to ensure that nobody entered or left Seojeong Palace. So, why have you come to me and mentioned Seojeong Palace?”

Yihan’s voice carried an imposing authority. An emperor held the power to make all beings in the world bow before him, and when such a figure deliberately spoke with unwavering authority, the effect was difficult to overstate. Seocheon sensed that the emperor’s tone wasn’t just offended but also tinged with anger. 

However, Seocheon was undeterred. Even if the Emperor were to reprimand or punish him on the spot, it wouldn’t matter. His sole concern was saving His Highness Yeonbin. Seocheon had already once failed to recognize him and left him to suffer alone, and he couldn’t let that happen again.

Seocheon bowed again and spoke.

“Your Majesty, His Highness Yeonbin is currently in an extremely critical condition.”

“What?”

Yihan inquired, leaning forward and almost rising to his feet. His eyes, which had sunk as deep as the night, momentarily wavered as they lost focus. The words that Yeon Hwawoon was in critical condition echoed in his ears like a persistent ringing in the ears. Seocheon continued.

“According to his direct court lady, he’s been unwell for some time, but today, his body was like a blazing fire, and he couldn’t regain his senses. She stressed that this was an extremely dire situation.”

With each word uttered by Seocheon, the Emperor experienced a sharp, piercing pain as if the words were arrows penetrating his heart. He remembered Yeon Hwawoon’s tiny body kneeling before him, confessing his sins like a person who had given up everything. As he thought about it, Yihan recalled that Yeon Hwawoon hadn’t even fully recovered after falling into the pond. Seocheon spoke again.

“Following your orders, we didn’t send the court lady out, but if anything untoward were to happen to His Highness Yeonbin, how could we possibly bear responsibility for it? Please, punish this humble servant who has obstructed your path so rudely.”

Seocheon placed both hands on the ground, bent at the waist, and lowered his head deeply.

Yihan breathed heavily and gazed at Seocheon’s back, yet he wasn’t truly observing Seocheon. His thoughts were fixed on Yeon Hwawoon. He could vividly envision Yeon Hwawoon, pale and sweating, suffering in solitude, as though he were right before him.

How could someone be so audacious and insolent? Yeon Hwawoon had shared such an astonishing narrative, and he had been deceiving Yihan, who had been sincere with him. Yihan was wounded by this revelation and saddened that Hwawoon hadn’t stopped him even once. In response, he had distanced himself from Yeon Hwawoon for a time, needing a moment to collect his thoughts. However, Yeon Hwawoon hadn’t afforded him that time and had wounded his heart in this manner. Yihan genuinely felt that Yeon Hwawoon was heartless, and he felt an overwhelming urge to weep.

Moreover, he had to hear these revelations, not from anyone else, but from that “Seocheon.” Everything was terribly amiss.

The Emperor’s eyelashes fluttered as he shut his eyes tightly and breathed heavily.

“… Go back.”

After a long time, Yihan’s voice rang out. He just said one thing: Go back.

“Your Majesty!”

“I said go back!”

Bewildered by the lack of further orders, Seocheon raised his head and opened his mouth to speak, but the Emperor raised his voice and cut him off.

“… I understood your words, so go back. Don’t make things worse.”

“…”

“Don’t forget that then, and now, I am desperately putting up with you.”

Yihan’s voice was as cold as midwinter air, seemingly capable of freezing even the surroundings. Seocheon began to speak, intending to say more, but Eunuch Oh, a step ahead of him, silenced him with a stern look. Seocheon slowly grasped that further interference would bring no good for Hawoon, no, for His Highness Yeonbin. He bit his lip hard and slowly bent his back again.

“Thank you… for your grace, Your Majesty.”

Yihan’s palanquin resumed its movement after Seocheon’s bow. Yihan gazed straight ahead, suppressing the urge to call Seocheon back and inquire if he had any knowledge and if he had heard Yeonbin’s secret before him. After passing the man who got on his nerves, Yihan recollected the image of Yeon Hwawoon in pain, struggling to breathe properly. Recognizing that Yeon Hwawoon could be so merciless toward him, Yihan issued an order to Eunuch Oh.

“Send a doctor to Seojeong Palace right away.”

“… Yes, Your Majesty.”

“And.”

Yihan paused for a moment, reflecting on the past few nights that had been exceptionally agonizing. It wasn’t solely about confusion, a sense of betrayal, or fear that he lacked Yeon Hwawoon’s affection. The most painful aspect was the yearning he experienced.

Yihan longed for Yeon Hwawoon to such a degree that he wished to proclaim that it didn’t matter who he truly was. He missed the countenance that had always regarded him with warmth. He missed the eyes that had consistently shown him warmth even during nights fraught with guilt and solitude. He longed for Yeon Hwawoon so intensely that it was almost unbearable.

At that moment, Yihan realized that there had been only one path from the beginning. The few days he believed were a tumultuous process of contemplation had, in reality, been nothing more than a sequence of bitter tantrums.

“… We’re going to Seojeong Palace.”

Finally, the Emperor declared. Eunuch Oh didn’t ask twice but simply directed the palanquin.

***

Hwawoon felt as if he might still be submerged underwater. His entire body felt unusually heavy, and when he attempted to open his eyes, all he could see was a watery blur. A pervasive coldness enveloped him, and then it was as if he had swallowed a scorching fireball. Filled with an unexplained sadness, Hwawoon gasped raggedly.

“Woon-ah.”

It was at that very moment that he heard a voice. Hwawoon involuntarily took a deep breath. It was a voice he had never expected to hear again. He wondered if it was an illusion, or perhaps a dream. Hwawoon struggled to open his eyes and reached out his arms. He longed to grasp the figure before him. In his desperate hope to capture even the warmth of this vision, even if it were to vanish as a mere illusion once he touched it, he couldn’t help but reach out like a foolish dreamer.

“Oh…!”

Suddenly, a searing warmth enveloped Hwawoon’s hand, which was fluttering in the air. The abrupt surge of heat sent a sharp pang through him, causing Hwawoon to tightly shut his eyes before slowly reopening them. A solitary tear traced down his cheek, enhancing his blurred vision.

And there, before his eyes, he saw Emperor Sung Yihan, who did not fade away from his sight.

***

The rain poured down. Yihan sat there, listening to the rain, and just stared at Yeon Hwawoon’s face for a long time. Even after the doctor had examined him, applied acupuncture needles, and administered medication, Hwawoon remained unresponsive. Amidst his incoherent murmurs, there were words that Yihan could clearly discern. They were solely “Your Majesty.” It was as if that was the only word Hwawoon had left to utter.

Yihan sat there, observing Hwawoon’s relentless suffering, and reflecting on the past few days that had been a form of torment for him as well.

Initially, he had been consumed by anger and despair, unable to contemplate anything else. The idea that Yeon Hwawoon’s affection for him might not be sincere made him feel as if the world was collapsing around him. The agony was so intense that he couldn’t entertain the thought of Yeon Hwawoon’s feelings.

However, as time passed and his yearning for Yeon Hwawoon surpassed his anguish, Yihan began to recall the numerous faces that Yeon Hwawoon had revealed to him.

There were moments when Hwawoon appeared elated, as though he had the world at his feet, only to swiftly transform into a visage of fear. On multiple occasions, he would suddenly wear a desolate expression, even when everything seemed to be going well. Yihan had inquired several times about why Hwawoon made such expressions. At other times, Hwawoon would adopt an enigmatic, distant countenance, as though he existed in another realm, and this deeply troubled Yihan.

Conversely, on any given day, Yeon Hwawoon would pose some questions to him. What would he do if he were someone else? If his hands were larger and rougher than they currently were, if his face exuded a greater sense of masculinity and physical strength, would Yihan still regard him the same way? Hwawoon posed this query repeatedly, as though he should not possess his current visage.

Initially, Yihan had attributed it to Hwawoon’s memory loss, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, Yeon Hwawoon had been telling Yihan about himself. He wanted to reveal himself somehow. He had been struggling so desperately to get Yihan to acknowledge him as his own self.