The Hated Male Concubine

#166

“Will you walk with me there?”

Yihan, who was about to leave Seojeong Palace to attend the morning inquiry, asked Hwawoon, who was ready to see him off. He meant to ask if he would walk with him to the palanquin, even though it was only a short distance away. Hwawoon’s gaze naturally traveled to Yihan’s hand, which was held out to him.

His heart leaped in his chest, threatening to burst with a blend of fear and joy. No one could guess how terrified he was to open his eyes in the morning. He was afraid that everything that had happened last night was all a dream because it was too good to be true. It was the Emperor in front of him who blew away his fear, kissing his fluttering eyelids and charging at his lips as if he recognized his feelings.

“It’s my pleasure, Your Majesty.”

An irresistible smile spread across his face. Hwawoon’s hand naturally overlapped with Yihan’s, and their fingers intertwined. Of course, it wasn’t the first time Hwawoon held Yihan’s hand, but the warmth he felt today differed completely from anything he’d felt before, enveloping him.

Hwawoon couldn’t help but feel everything was new to him now that he had finally been fully recognized for who he was.

Holding Yihan’s hand, Hwawoon’s steps faltered as he headed out of the pavilion of Seojeong Palace. He felt like he was walking towards a new world. The summer sun over his head, the bright faces of Seojeong Palace’s children standing respectfully in front of the pavilion, the morning breeze blowing across his face, and the air filling his lungs filled his senses as clear and fresh as if a layer of shade had been removed. If there were only one word to describe this sensation, it would be happiness.

“I’ll come again tonight.”

No one planned for it, but they walked very slowly, in step with each other, but it didn’t take long before they reached the palanquin. Yihan lightly kissed the back of Hwawoon’s hand, unconcerned by the eyes of their subordinates. Hwawoon blushed shyly, but never pulled his hand away. Quite frankly, he didn’t want to miss this morning that he once thought he would never get.

“Yes, Your Majesty. … Come again safely.”

It felt sweet at the tip of his tongue as he said “Come again.” The nights he had been so sure that the Emperor would never seek him out again felt like a mirage.

“Okay, I’ll be back.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. See you later.”

“Alright… I’ll really go then.”

Even after hearing Hwawoon’s greeting, Yihan didn’t climb into the palanquin but continued to say similar words, stalling for time. It was only when Eunuch Oh, who couldn’t watch it any longer, called him that Yihan pouted his lips, let go of Hwawoon’s hand, and climbed into the palanquin. Even though he was already longing for Hwawoon, he couldn’t shirk his duties as emperor.

“Take care, Your Majesty the Emperor!”

Behind Hwawoon, who gently knelt down on one knee and bowed his head, Ahjin and the other court ladies of Seojeong Palace raised their voices in greeting. Their voices were so loud, echoing in all directions. It was a morning when Yihan, who was walking away, and Hwawoon, who was sending him off, couldn’t help but laugh.

***

“Look at how your face thinned in this short time.”

Said Jeongbin, Songhyun, with a sour face. Thinking about how much hardship Yeonbin must have been through while imprisoned in Seojeong Palace, Songhyun still felt bad even though the matter had worked out well. She didn’t know what had happened, but she believed the Emperor must have misunderstood something and put Yeonbin through unnecessary hardship. She could tell it just by seeing the change in the Emperor’s demeanor overnight.

“Everything’s really fine now. Don’t worry, Jeongbin.”

After soothing Songhyun as if he were soothing his younger sister, Hwawoon looked at the Empress, Jaran, this time.

“I apologize for the trouble, Your Majesty.”

“Fret not. All that matters is that things go well. You’ve been through a lot.”

Following Jaran, this time Sukbi, Biyoung, spoke with a mischievous expression on her face.

“If you’d stayed locked up for another day, Jeongbin was ready to wail in front of His Majesty.”

Songhyun didn’t deny it, only snorted. Hwawoon bowed toward Biyoung and answered.

“… Thanks to your help, I was able to endure those days with peace of mind, Your Highness. I am truly grateful.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s nothing significant.”

Hwawoon smiled at Biyoung before looking at Songhyun again.

“The things you sent me also helped tremendously. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Jeongbin.”

“That… I had a hard time getting it delivered to you, Yeonbin. Well, I’m just telling you.”

A triumphant smile bloomed on Songhyun’s face. Hwawoon felt the urge to stroke her hair and smiled softly at her as they made eye contact.

Meanwhile, Jaran sat there, watching the heartwarming sight of the internal court. Suddenly, she felt as if all her longtime dreams had come true, and her heart swelled unexpectedly. The Empress firmly suppressed her emotions before speaking.

“Then, is everything all right now?”

No one knew why the Emperor had confined Yeonbin in Seojeong Palace. If it was something he could explain, Yeonbin would have been the first to kneel and recount the whole story. But he did not elaborate on what had happened, although he did ask for forgiveness. It was clear from his behavior that the Emperor didn’t want this to be disclosed, so the others refrained from further inquiry.

Instead, Jaran tried to gauge the relationship between the Emperor and Yeonbin by simply asking if everything was okay, and Hwawoon bowed to her.

“… Yes, Your Majesty. The Emperor’s boundless grace has allowed me to be forgiven.”

Even after hearing such an unbelievable thing; even after experiencing something that was natural for him to lash out in anger, the Emperor forgave him. Hwawoon thought of this grace as a form of salvation.

“I will continue to serve His Majesty and you, Empress, for the rest of my life.”

After the tumultuous events known only to Yihan and Hwawoon, peaceful days began.

***

Staring into the flames in front of him, Yihan thought of his private meeting with Yeon Juwon after today’s inquiry. There had never been a day when it was harder to look into the eyes of the man who had been his teacher in his youth, his friend through the crisis, and now his loyal old vassal.

“I will always be grateful for many things to you.”

The emperor, who had been staring at him in silence, suddenly said that, and Yeon Juwon bowed, flustered by the unexpected words.

“I am your servant, Your Majesty. Everything I’ve done for you is things I had to do, so please take back the words I don’t deserve.”

Yihan couldn’t tell Yeon Juwon the truth at that moment, for it was a question he had yet to answer within himself. Of course, it would be easier to just pretend ignorance and conceal it. After all, Hwawoon would be the Emperor’s concubine for the rest of his life, so as long as Yihan and Hwawoon kept their mouths shut, Yeon Juwon and his wife would never know that their son had already died, and there would be no problem.

However, was it right to keep their son’s death a secret for the sake of the imperial family’s stability and Hwawoon’s safety, given that it was irreversible?

The question haunted Yihan’s mind as he had to protect Yeon Hwawoon no matter what, but at the same time, he couldn’t pretend to be ignorant of the vassal who had followed and served him all his life.

“Later… If I call you, let’s have a drink together.”

With those words, Yihan postponed talking to Yeon Juwon. To reveal the truth, he had to consider many aspects—how, what to do afterward, how Yeon Juwon would react, and the impact on the imperial family.

After staring at the flames for a while, Yihan threw the papers in his hand into the fire. It was a symbolic act, a funeral for the dead, though no one had perished. It was a forbidden ritual in the palace, but no one would know.

“… You, too, must have had a hard and exhausting life.”

In a place where he had sent everyone away, the Emperor spoke to a soul wandering the nether world. He didn’t want to justify his past deeds through his death, but since his body remained alive while his soul had traveled far, Yihan hoped that his soul could find rest now.

“I hope you know that no one has made this happen to you out of malice. And… Now, rest in peace.”

If there was any karma that couldn’t be repaid through death, that soul would have to pay the rest of his karma in the afterlife. Perhaps, he would even have to bear it in the next life. Hence, Yihan decided that, at least for now, he would stop dwelling on “the original Yeon Hwawoon’s” misdeeds.

The flame flickered. Whether the soul cursed the Emperor in death or found his words and actions abhorrent, Yihan couldn’t discern. However,

“… Here, I won’t forget you. I’ll remember you forever.”

Yihan only did what he could do.

***

Who’s that? Who jumped in to save me?

Yeon Hwawoon couldn’t help but ask that question as he struggled to avoid the hands that urgently tried to pull him out of the water. The water was so cold, and his breathing, which had been difficult on land, became even more difficult in the water that he felt he could easily die, but suddenly a warmth was pulling him out.

At first, he was confused, and then he was angry. He was afraid that the plan he had worked so hard on would be ruined.

But at the same time, Yeon Hwawoon was curious. He was hated by everyone, so he couldn’t believe that someone would willingly throw themselves into the pond to save him, the one person who would probably have no one to mourn his death. That person desperately pulled Yeon Hwawoon out of the water, as if he really didn’t want him to die. Yeon Hwawoon wanted to shake off his hands, but he also wanted to check his face.

It was cold. He was in pain for not being able to breathe for so long, and oblivion was filling him in the form of the shadow of death, making even the pain slowly fade away. And yet, Yeon Hwawoon still felt the warmth of life. It was a warmth that only came from the touch of the man who held him.

I won’t forgive him. If this man manages to ruin my plans and save me, I will make him pay dearly. I will hang him in the center of the courtyard of Jeongan Palace, beat him hard, and let his blood soak the ground. Yeon Hwawoon gritted his teeth through his fading consciousness.

But, maybe that was the nature of death; allowing you to think things you would never think in life, but only in that special moment.

Through his fading consciousness, Yeon Hwawoon thought. If I survive, I will surely kill this man, but if I die here as I wish. If I can become a guilt to the one I love forever. Then, this man who threw himself into this cold water and tried so desperately to save me. This nameless man who has such warmth.

Though I couldn’t have it, I want you to live a life where you have whatever you want.

It was the first and last time in his life that Yeon Hwawoon prayed for a perfect stranger.