The Hated Male Concubine

Before entering Jeongan Palace, Yihan subconsciously took a deep breath. It was not like it was his first time coming to Jeongan Palace. It was a palace he had been in and out of countless times in the past, so it was a wonder why he was nervous and awkward today as if it was his first time here. 

He walked slowly, treading the air of a spring night. One step, then another step. The sensation of walking that felt particularly heavy filled his whole body. Didn’t he think this place was like Wolgung Palace when he looked at Jeongan Palace last time? Now Yihan felt like he was walking on the path to the moon so he repeatedly clenched and relaxed his fists.

The emotion Yihan felt from when he was on the palanquin until he came to Jeongan Palace was closer to anger—although he didn’t know the reason. He couldn’t tell why he kept being bothered and angry, but Yihan felt annoyed while thinking of Hwawoon throughout the ride to Jeongan Palace. 

However, strangely, when he got off the palanquin as he arrived at Jeongan Palace, the irritation and anger he felt on his way here disappeared and only the strange beat remained in his heart. An alien feeling, which he never felt even when his life was endangered, rose to the throne and took care of the nation as the emperor, filled his heart. 

He was afraid of that and thought of turning back his body right away, but Yihan couldn’t stop his steps.

“…”

Just like that, Yihan reached the courtyard in front of the place where Yeonbin, Yeon Hwawoon, was staying and saw him there.

On a spring night, under the moonlight of spring, at the end of the road, which was like a path to the moon, Yeon Hwawoon stood there waiting for him.

He stopped walking and held his breath once, then exhaled. He didn’t even run, but strangely he was short of breath, so he took a deep breath this time and exhaled. Even so, he couldn’t stop the abnormal beating of his heart.

Yihan’s toes flinched. He tried to take another step, but strangely, he couldn’t move his body easily. A huge invisible wall seemed to block him, and he didn’t want to move forward himself. It was as if all the senses in his entire body were screaming to warn him.

If you take a step, you won’t be able to go back. If you cross this line, it won’t be easy to get out again. Something like that. 

It was ridiculous and absurd. What’s the big deal with that? The emperor could come in and out of Jeongan Palace as much as he wanted, and he could see Yeon Hwawoon and stop as he liked, so there was no reason for Yihan to fear going a few steps further and facing Hwawoon.

Therefore, Yihan continued his paused steps. I just need to turn back and leave if I don’t want to. I just need to not look for him if I don’t want to see him. He kept repeating that to himself. He didn’t know if he really wasn’t afraid; he didn’t need to keep repeating that. He really had no clue. 

“Greetings, Your Majesty.”

As Yihan approached, Hwawoon, who was waiting in front of the stairs, bent his knees and greeted him. The last time Hwawoon greeted him like this, Yihan left him kneeling on the floor and mocked and insulted him. Ignoring the memories of that day that suddenly appeared, Yihan opened his mouth.

“Get up.” 

Hwawoon’s shoulders trembled instantly as he heard his voice, as though Yihan wasn’t the only one who recalled the memory. However, Hwawoon soon raised his body as if nothing had happened, and spoke with his head down—without making eye contact with Yihan.

“What brings you here tonight, Your Majesty?”

“Why? Did I come to a place I can’t go to?”

Without even realizing it, a cold voice popped out. At that time, Yihan was quite surprised inside because he didn’t mean to speak like that. However, the relationship between the emperor and Yeonbin was always like this, and he didn’t want to make excuses, so Yihan looked around and feigned indifference. Then, Hwawoon continued:

“There’s no such thing, Your Majesty. I was just worried that there’s something wrong.” 

“Nothing wrong…” 

“Do you want to… go inside…”

When he asked if he would come inside, Hwawoon’s voice trembled subtly. In fact, Hwawoon was shaking his whole body from the moment he looked at the emperor from afar. His legs kept shaking and his voice trembled despite his effort to stay nonchalant. 

He was afraid that the emperor would really go inside like this, and at the same time, he was also afraid that he would turn around and go back. Hwawoon couldn’t tell what he really wanted. 

It was the same for the emperor. He didn’t know whether he wanted to go inside or not- whether he wanted to go back or not. There was nothing clear.