The Hated Male Concubine

#32 

Getting an unexpected answer, Ahjin looked at Hwawoon with her eyes wide open. Hwawoon pulled down his sleeve that was raised for applying the ointment and continued.

“Ahjin, you and the other kids of Jeongan Palace are too pure and kind. You guys are taking care of me despite my little efforts—considering how much I tormented you guys before…”

“Tha-that…”

“Therefore, I’m very grateful to you.”

Hwawoon’s words led Ahjin’s eyes to quiver once again. Feeling that she might embarrassingly burst into tears just like the last time if this kept going on, Ahjin sniffled once and quickly tried to change the subject—remembering the thing she was curious about.

“Speaking of which, Your Highness…”

“Mhm?”

“So, Your Highness, you… what I want to ask is, are you now…”

“Why are you hesitating like that?”

Hwawoon looked at Ahjin and asked softly with an intention to make her at ease, but it made Ahjin speechless instead. She puffed her lips for a moment, then brought up the topic carefully.

“Your Highness, are you perhaps… don’t like His Majesty like in the past anymore?”

This time, it was Hwawoon who was surprised and speechless. The very unexpected question made his thoughts blocked as if someone had rung a giant bell next to his ears. Meanwhile, Ahjin continued with her shoulders sagged down.

“So, what I’m saying is, you’re not looking for His Majesty anymore… not sad even if he doesn’t come… you don’t even stop him from leaving…”

“Ah…”

“Of course, I know well that you’re trying to not annoy His Majesty. Even so, I wonder if there’s a big change in your heart…”

Humans were bound to change after experiencing a big event, and coming back from the brink of death was probably the biggest event humans could experience. Therefore, Ahjin now could understand that the drowning in the pond accident had made Hwawoon change this much.

And that led Ahjin to suddenly get curious. If perhaps that event—the big event that changed Hwawoon this much—also affected Hwawoon’s feelings toward the emperor. She wondered if the reason Hwawoon could change this much overnight was that he didn’t have any obsession with the emperor like in the past. 

Ahjin thought that even if the others didn’t know, she had to precisely know her master’s feelings. She had to properly know whatever that was. Ahjin was the one who served Hwawoon from the closest place, and by having a thorough knowledge about Hwawoon, only then could she help and protect him by his side. 

“I…”

However, Hwawoon couldn’t immediately answer Ahjin’s question. It wasn’t that he did not, but he could not. He didn’t know how he should express his heart. 

That his feelings didn’t change, but he was a different person; that from the first time, Yeon Hwawoon’s feelings and Hawoon’s feelings weren’t the same. If he didn’t tell her about the things that happened to him, then he wouldn’t be able to properly explain his feelings. If the feelings of the previous Hwawoon were romantic feelings, the current Hwawoon thought he didn’t know the feelings he had for the emperor now. 

Hwawoon revered that person. He yearned and longed for him. He had a desire that he had never had, which was to get a little closer to the emperor, and he willingly gave up his previous life and threw himself into a completely different world. Then, could this feeling be called a romantic feeling?  

At the same time, Hwawoon didn’t dare to wish to get embraced by the emperor. He didn’t even want to monopolize that person like the original Hwawoon did. He didn’t want the emperor to only look at himself, and he didn’t even get angry even if the emperor disregarded him. Then, could this feeling also be called a romantic feeling? 

Hawoon’s life was like a frog that kept crouching in a tiny well until a moment ago, so he was undoubtedly unfamiliar with his emotions.

After a long moment, Hwawoon finally opened his mouth.

“… I don’t want to think about other things. For now, I only want to do my best to follow His Majesty’s wish.” 

Hwawoon was tense for a moment in case Ahjin had another question because of his answer, but after hearing his answer, Ahjin suddenly made a determined expression and then nodded with her lips shut tight. 

“Yes. Understood, Your Highness. I’ll take it as that. Now, please quickly have a rest.”