The Heartbeat at the Tip of the Tongue

Word count: 3872

Becoming Lin Ke Song

Song Yi Ran leaned towards her, his lip line gently separating, spun slowly.

At that moment, Lin Ke Song had moved like she was a puppet controlled by the other party.

She even had an impulse to just follow him ba.

But this kind of impulse went back and forth in her head with the time Jiang Qian Fan said “I like you” in his slow cool voice. Her thoughts were like they were scalded and came back instantly.

“En, I’ve thought about it clearly. I will ruthlessly endure to the end!”

Song Yi Ran looked at her, his gaze far and deep. In her memories, he had never looked at her like that before.

This was a kind of hesitation, hesitating about whether to give up or not.

“Alright ba, no matter what happens, remember to tell me.”

“I know.”

“And, when the ‘Master’s show’ ends, no matter the results, you cant stay here anymore.”

“Why? It feels like you really mind me staying here?” Lin Ke Song asked, tilting her head with a smile.

“Because, I’m not willing.”

Without any more explanations, Song Yi Ran turned around. Lin Ke Song had a feeling of puzzlement.

When she returned to the villa, and was just a few steps in, she was surprised to find Jiang Qian Fan holding his stick and leaning against the wall.

“Mr……Mr Jiang! What are you doing here?”

“waiting for you to make your decision.”

“What decision?”

Did Jiang Qian Fan and Song Yi Ran eat something wrong today? Why did they all only speak in half sentences?

Jiang Qian Fan walked slowly to her, he reached his hand out, searching in the air, finally touching Lin Ke Song’s shoulder.

Lin Ke Song started getting nervous, until Jiang Qian Fan pressed her into his hug.

This was a very curious feeling.

So warm that it felt like the flow of blood and thoughts stopped, her belated feeling was like Jiang Qian Fan had spread a kind of increased sensitivity to her.

His breath at her ear and even every hair of hers could feel the warmth from his fingertips.

“Decision to not give up.”

“Why would I want to give up?”

From the beginning to now, she could not find any reason to give up.

Jiang Qian Fan let go of her, that feeling of the warmth leaving her made Lin Ke Song suddenly feel empty.

But when she lifted her eyes, the familiar illusion once again entered her heart.

Jiang Qian Fan’s dips in his lip were very deep, the overlaps of the lights and shadows had a kind of mysterious charm.

He seemed to have smiled.

But only those who put in the effort to feel, will be able to.

“Ke Song, as long as you wish to do it, you will do so sooner or later.”

His voice was calm, so calm that no other emotion could be heard from it.

But she instead understood his unspoken words: no matter what I will help you, accompany you, even respect you wherever you wish to go.

“this kind of Mr Jiang…… is totally unlike Mr Jiang.” Lin Ke Song pursed her lips, and said smiling.

“I am me, there’s no alike or unlike.” Jiang Qian Fan’s eyebrows were still as unshakable as the heavens and earth.

At that moment, Lin ke song really believed that this man really like her.

“Ke Song, I know you like Song Yi Ran.”

Lin Ke Song looked speechlessly at Jiang Qian Fan.

“Your breathing tells me, that you are very surprised that I know.”

“How did you know? What I said to Mayer and you was that…… Song Yi Ran was my friend and classmate……”

“the tone of voice you use towards him, the way you tug on his sleeve, the flavours of the dinner you that you prepared, all tell me of your repressed liking for him. If I were you, I will bravely tell him.”

“Because you are Jiang Qian Fan, so you won’t know this kind of worry that the person you like will drift from you the moment you say some things. As long as I properly endure, maybe I will always be able to stay at a place neither too far nor near him…… like someone is a very curious feeling. It can allow a person to face all kinds of trials bravely, and it can also make a coward of a person…… I am afraid that I may not be able to help it and just destroy the chemistry that we have between us, to the point that no matter the repairs there will be no way to get it back. Friends and lovers can stick together, but are of a world of difference. But to take that step…… takes not only courage, but drastic determination.”

These words, have been repressed in her heart for a very long time, unable to pour out and also having no one to listen to them.

“not being able to have drastic determination means you don’t like him enough. In the future, try liking someone that will make you brave.”

Jiang Qian Fan leisurely walked ahead.

And at Lin KE Song’s ear, it felt like she could almost hear the air crackling from dryness, something brushed past her like it was nothing, the place in the depths of her heart that was squeezed tightly by Song Yi Ran was about to open up and be clear.

Daily after, Lin Ke Song’s time was pretty much spent in the kitchen.

Jiang Qian Fan increased the number of dishes for Lin Ke Song to imitate through her tasting from 2 a day to 3 a day, 4 a day, Lin Ke Song realised that she was quickly learning and mastering all sorts of cooking techniques from Jiang Qian Fan. No matter if it were barbecuing, frying or baking, she found herself getting handier.

Half a month later, Jiang Qian Fan had already stopped making dishes for Lin Ke Song to try, instead giving her a limited amount of ingredients, letting her use her imagination, to make something that she thought was delicious.

This kind of challenge was full of difficulty, and yet creative. Every time she saw Jiang Qian Fan lower his head to taste the dishes, she would feel very nervous. Especially when Jiang Qian Fan’s lips parted, bent his body, and his hair swung across his forehead like a pendulum, Lin Ke Song’s mind was matchlessly focused, like waiting for the biggest lottery number to be revealed.

She always remembered the promise that was made between Jiang Qian Fan and her, if there were a day she made something that Jiang Qian Fan thought was delicious, Jiang Qian Fan would agree to one of her wishes.

If that day were to come, her wish would probably be to have Jiang Qian Fan laugh for her ba?

Who knows, maybe Jiang Qian Fan’s laugh would be uglier than his crying?

Lin Ke Song was currently kneading the noodles, using strength and thinking thoughts in her mind at the same time.

“What are you thinking about?”

The cool voice sounded at her ear.

“Nothing ah! I’m making the dough ah!”

“You forgot the eggs.” Jiang Qian Fan was very close, Lin Ke Song could clearly see his eyelashes, “And, don’t have unrealistic fantasies about me.”

Lin Ke Song  囧……

What on earth was this, why was the other party so clear about her thoughts? Couldn’t even daydream?

This is logical!

Even though Jiang Qian Fan’s insight of her made her a little troubled, Lin Ke Song felt that everyday passed happily. Sometimes she turned her head, or lifted her head, she could see Jiang Qian Fan quietly holding his can, sitting somewhere neither near nor far from her.

His profile was very beautiful, but he would never know this.

After a day of learning in the kitchen, Lin Ke Song would frequently make something for Song Yi Ran to eat.

This chap’s first semester had ended, and the great pressure of the finals were coming. In Lin Ke Song’s impression, Song Yi Ran always belonged to the straight As kind of people, totally no need to spend extra effort to read any books. but this time it was different, it seemed like his professor and mentor were really strict, this chap had actually been sitting in front of the table flipping books and making notes without rest for a whole week.

Holding the plate and standing at the entrance of the study room, will give you a clear view of Song Yi Ran in black framed spectacles making notes with a serious expression.

Lin Ke song placed the plate at the edge of his table and unhurriedly disturbed him, until he flipped the whole page.

He then placed the pen between the pages, turning his head towards Lin Ke Song and opening his mouth: “Ah ——”

Lin Ke Song was about to ask why his young master disease had returned, but when she saw his smiling eyes behind his glasses, she knew that this rascal had did it on purpose.

She forked a small piece of bacon egg roll, and with an evil expression, stuff it in Song Yi Ran’s mouth.

He closed his eyes, and nodded while chewing.

“Hey, is it good?”

“Delicious. Your instant noodles are starting to have the style of pasta.”

“Go die ba.” Lin Ke Song stuffed a large piece of bacon egg roll in his mouth.

Song Yi Ran almost chocked, this chap was so good looking even when getting choked by food.

“Hey, there’s still another week before competition starts, are you nervous?”

“If I weren’t nervous it would be an act ah! I don’t have that strong of a psyche.” Lin Ke Song exhaled.

She didn’t know what the upcoming “Master’s show” will be like, and what challenges she would face.

When the competition starts, she will only be surrounded by competitors, she couldn’t possibly get Jiang Qian Fan’s guidance, she would have to depend on herself.

“When the competition ends, don’t forget about what you promised me.”

Song Yi Ran’s eyes were deep, Lin Ke Song felt inexplicable pressure.

At this time, Song Yi Ran’s phone rang.

He glanced at the phone number, and a mocking cold smile formed on his lips.

He turned around, went to the window, and lengthened the sound cord, smiled saying: “Big brother, it’s been a while la!”

Their words exchanged, even with Song Yi Ran’s tone, can be considered “brotherly”.

But Lin Ke Song knew, that the relationship between Song Yi Ran and his brother was complicated, from the respect from the start to the disappointment later till “just like that ba”, every step taken to today, Lin Ke Song knew of the hurt Song Yi Ran harboured.

After hanging up, Song Yi Ran looked at Lin Ke Song, smiled saying: “Song Yi Fan actually said that he ‘s gonna come to New York to see me.”

“Then what do you plan on doing?”

Lin Ke Song knew, that the seriousness that Song Yi Ran was displaying was probably going to disappear.

“En……” Song Yi Ran lazily stretched his waist, and simply put the book together, “Of course I have to make myself not look so hardworking.”

After saying, he took the plate towards himself, and started eating the egg rolls.

Lin Ke Song didn’t say anything, watching the image of him sit at the corner of his desk, swinging his legs, and eating.

His eyelashes were very long, from this angle, it seemed finer and longer, like there was quicksand slipping from his brows.

“Ke Song, eating your food, is the happiest thing that I’ve done since I came to New York.”

“Then do you think that this taste can make me the champion? You gotta know, that it is 30 000 USD ah!”

Song Yi Ran laughed lightly: “in the end, you won’t get 30 000.”

“Ah? Why?”

Song Yi Ran raised his face and pinched Lin Ke Song’s nose: “Silly, you think you don’t have to pay taxes?”

Lin Ke Song’s face fell.

“But, I think you will become the champion. So Ke Song, if there comes a day I open a restaurant, will you be my head chef?”

His eyes had a moving anticipation.

“If you dare to hire me, I’ll dare to do so.”

The two exchanged looks and laughed.

When Lin Ke Song returned to Jiang Qian Fan’s villa, it was already after 8 at night.

She stepped into the living room, and realised Jiang Qian Fan was wearing a flannel shirt on the sofa, and Mayer was reading a very very long piece from the tablet.

This was the first time Lin Ke Song had seen Jiang Qian Fan wearing such casual clothing, and could not help taking a second look.

But Mayer straight up called her: “Ke Song, I think it’s more suitable for you to read this piece! You will definitely learn many useful things!”

Lin Ke Song looked at Jiang Qian Fan, he didn’t have any opposition to Mayer’s suggestion. So, she received the tablet, took a look at the contents of the passage, and realised that it was about a baking technique written by a head chef called Lilith.

Lin Ke Song continued reading the next page. And looked at Jiang Qian Fan while reading.

His life was always orderly, around this time, he should be in his room, pouring a glass of red wine, leaning on the balcony thinking about his restaurant, new dishes or other interesting things.

When Mayer walked away, the constantly silent Jiang Qian Fan spoke: “Tomorrow, I will make quail foie gras, you have to taste it well.”

Quail foie gras?

Lin Ke Song blinked, you gotta know, this was Jiang Qian Fan’s signature dish!

She’d seen him make this dish before, but at that time she was clueless about cooking techniques, and couldn’t understand the importance and meaning of every step Jiang Qian Fan went through. But now, she will definitely open her eyes widely and clearly remember every minute and seemingly unimportant movement!

“Since it’s a competition where the mentee represents the mentor, then it’s likely that the cooking of the mentor’s signature dish will not be missed.”

Jiang Qian Fan stood up, and walked towards the stairs.

“No need to read this article anymore?” Lin Ke Song asked suspiciously.

“No need. When it was first published, Mayer had already read through it.”

Ah? then why did Mayer……

Wait, Jiang Qian Fan wasn’t waiting for her to return ba?

Lin Ke Song lofted her eyes towards the image of Jiang Qian Fan who was unhurriedly walking up the stairs, like the transition of day to night, like an illusion.

Just as he was about to disappear, Jiang Qian Fan suddenly stopped his steps, “Ke Song, when you were together with Mr Song, were you happy?”

“Ah?” Lin Ke Song was surprised that Jiang Qian Fan would suddenly ask this question.

Or, that he would be bothered about this made Lin Ke Song shocked.

Even if he said that he liked her, from what Lin Ke Song could see, the Jiang Qian Fan good feelings Jiang Qian Fan had towards her were incomprehensible…… but honestly, would he too be bothered about her spending time with Song Yi Ran?

“He’s about to have exams, I only made a little something for him to eat.”

“If you come across anything that makes you unhappy, don’t be nostalgic, come back earlier.”

At that moment, Lin Ke Song understood the meaning of Jiang Qian Fan waiting for her return.

He knew that she would harbour some feelings towards Song Yi Ran, and he did not want her to get hurt when she was at Song Yi Ran’s.

Lin Ke Song laid on her bed, and the thing that kept surfacing in her mind was the “Come back earlier” words that Jiang Qian Fan had said.

That light coolness, seemed calm and blue, but it was like a warm hand, covering Lin Ke Song’s heart.

It was actually very easy to be moved.

A woman will be moved many times in her lifetime, watching the sunset and sunrise, looking at the sky, a novel, a movie are all able to move one to tears.

But to move from liking a person to loving that person, isn’t an easy thing.

Dr Xie once reminded her, once Jiang Qian Fan loved a person, it’ll be absolutely and purely.

He was a person of self-control. Lin Ke Song knew that he wouldn’t let his “absolutely” suffocate the other person.

She knew, he was beautiful.

“Mr Jiang.”

“What’s the matter?” Jiang Qian Fan stopped his steps.

“The me now, respects you, even idolises you, but it isn’t like.”

Whatever her heart feels, she had to say it honestly. Even if she didn’t say so, he would be able to feel it.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Jiang Qian Fan’s face showed neither anger nor unhappiness. This answer was within his expectations.

His calmness on the other hand made her helpless.

“Because you are very important to me, so you will not easily accept me. You are the type of girl that will be more careful the more you care about something. You are like that to Mr Song, and are like that to me too. You have never worried about rejection, but loss. Compared to swift cut people, you may be weak, but to me, it’s very cute. Because once you accumulate enough courage, and take that step, you will be more steadfast than those who are willing to love and hate.”

Lin Ke Song’s eyes teared slightly.

Why did this man see through her in three months?

“Thank you, Mr Jiang.”

“Goodnight, Ke Song.”

With those words, Jiang Qian Fan disappeared at the top of the stairs.

And Lin Ke Song’s heart felt like it was flowing water that was disturbed, twisting and turning, then finally flowing into the ocean.

Now, every day was precious, it has totally entered the countdown period to the “Master’s show”.

Today will be the tasting of Jiang Qian Fan’s quail foie gras, Lin Ke song couldn’t help getting nervous.

But Jiang Qian Fan had no intentions of just letting her watch at the side, but have her sit in the room on the terrace.

The sunlight was wonderful today, lazily falling on the sides of the terrace. The air carried the slight fragrance of roses, the mood swinging gently with the breeze.

She closed her eyes, and knew that it was obvious the closer it got to the competition, the more nervous she’d be, but at this moment, her mood was calm, totally absent of the unease when she was going for her college entrance exams.

The fragrance of shrimp and the rich flavours of peas hid and appeared in the air.

Lin Ke Song turned her face, Mayer who was in a suit and tie carried a plate to her, the plated was covered with a cover, not allowing anyone to see what was on the plate.

His eyes carried deep intentions of laughter, his angle of lowering forward just right, “Ke Song, guess what the appetizer is today?”

She will never forget this flavour. This was after she had entered the back kitchen of the high-class restaurant, and saw Jiang Qian Fan making a dish for the first time, at that time, head chef Brody was his assistant.

“never thought that there would be an appetizer…… I thought there’d only be a main dish! It’s jellied peas and shrimp, right?”

“Your nose is indeed sharp.” Mayer lifted the cover.

The jellied pea shrimp was sliced into 6 thick uniformed slices, the soft green of the peas complemented the clean whiteness of the shrimp meat, the frozen film emitting an attractive luster under the sunlight, needless to say, the slightly sour plum sauce was padded on the bottom of the plate, clove, turmeric and basil flavours were blended, Lin Ke Song only had a mouthful and felt that it had a delicate taste, the peas between her teeth were plump and fresh. Furthermore this frozen texture was very natural, there wasn’t any gelatine taste.

“This frozen film was broiled from pig’s skin…… and need a few hours, does this mean Mr Jiang had already prepared this film since last night?”

“Sir started preparing this from 8 in the morning.” Mayer smiled replying.

Lin Ke Song was stunned: “So early? Does this mean that there are other guests?”

“Today, sir only had you as his guest.”

Lin Ke Song lowered her head, looking at the intricate appetizer, and suddenly couldn’t bear to continue eating.

“Sir said, that there was no need to try to guess the production method of the foods. You only need to enjoy the flavours of the food. The you now, is already unlike an outside who knows nothing of cooking. Sir believes, that as long as it is a real delicious flavour, it will be remembered by your brain. And as long as the flavours are remembered, no matter early or late, you will be able to produce them.”

Mayer took 2 steps back, and left the terrace very politely.

But Lin Ke Song’s heart was so light it felt like it was going to start flying.

She prettily enjoyed the appetiser, where the bouncy feeling was felt when the shrimp touch the teeth.

When the appetizer was finished, Mayer sent the main dish of quail foie gras like he had counted the time to the seconds.

That intricate beauty of the display, made it unbearable for people to spoil everything that was on the plate.

Lin Ke Song found it hard to imagine, that Jiang Qian Fan who had lost his sight could do all these.

The same dish, was probably made tens of thousands of times before reaching this standard.

This dish was the signature dish that represented the standard of Jiang Qian Fan’s culinary skills.

Lin Ke Song used all her might to take a deep breath, and cut the quail open. The thick fragrance of the foie gras was totally locked in the quail, without a hint of stink, matching the smells of the various seasonings, one coming after another. When it was put in her mouth, the first thing she tasted was the quail that had been cooked perfectly and still carrying the unique meat smell that came after barbequing, when the teeth bit into it, and touched the foie gras, the tender and rich flavour, and the natural flavour of the spice and ingredients blended together perfectly.

It was a meat, but it wasn’t greasy at all.

Even the lingering sour and sweet taste that was left behind in her mouth whetted her appetite.

It was like there was simply not enough, she felt that she hadn’t ingrained the flavours in her head, and the plate was empty.

At this time, footsteps sounded from out the door, it was Jiang Qian Fan.

He pushed the door open, and was as always wearing the head chef’s white uniform, making the whole person seem delicate and orderly.

His left hand was holding a plate, and behind him was Mayer.