The K-Pop Dream

\"W-won , so what do you want?\"

She steels herself and responds honestly, \"I want to be ... your mistress\"

'Oh! my mistress'

\"What! My ... mistress?\" I ask not quite believing what she just said

\"I want your love Dylan.... I want you. but I don't wish to be the only one for you.

I don't want the responsibility of being your other half.

That is too heavy a burden for me.

And let me make this clear, It isn't because of you. It's my own personal problem ...

I have no intention of changing myself, because this is how I am. I'm not 'normal

So, what do you think?\" She asks calmly

Slowly opening my mouth, I voice my inner thoughts, \"You don't want to take responsibility, so you just want to be a mistress? How... \" I pause for a moment saying coldly \"Fucking foolish of you noona.

Won-ah, there are millions of guys out there who would sell their souls to the devil in order to devote themselves to you, yet you want to be on the losing side of things?

You want what from me, companionship, love but with no burden. Noona.... those things are responsibilities. When I love someone, I give them a piece of me and if they love me too, I keep a piece of them.

Love is not something disposable, if it was something like that then its not love. It's something less.

You.. Noona want to be my mistress! Do you even know what that means? It's painful and unfair to all those involved!\"

I let loose every emotion, I possibly feel at this time. Why am I saying this to her when I am the hypocrite for falling for her. I don't know

\"I know.\" She says, \"but that's what I want\"

\"Honestly... What should I even say\"

\"Not all problems have an answer. Dylan.\" Won states in a softer voice

Staring deeply into her eyes, I'm certain that she is telling the truth here

\"Is that really alright? Are you really okay with that?\" I ask with a serious expression on my face

\"You don't need to do anything else. When you want to use me, or when you need me... I will be there for you. I only ask that ... you let me rely on you too \" She breaks out a smile so bright the morning sun would be jealous.

This siren is luring me into the deepest ocean. \"Please accept this unsalvageable shameless idiot of a girl, Dylan. Please\"

Facing her gaze, I see only sincerity. Sincerity so deep, that it pressures me. That it suffocates me.

Downing the left over tea, that has now gotten cold, I force myself to calm down and control my emotions before I speak up, \"Won.... do you know what type of person I am? One year ago, I could never imagine this happening. I may even have jumped at the opportunity but now I'm different.

In order to prevent any mistaken impressions, I'm going to tell you about myself.

I'm simply an otaku.

I love girl groups, k-dramas and everything Hallyu.

I'm not anything special.

Like the cliche protagonist in every Urban fiction story I've read, I have delusions of a harem.

I fantasize having many beautiful girls all to myself, and peacefully and wonderfully living with all of them

But that's no good.... A fantasy is a fantasy because it's not supposed to be reality.

Nevertheless it's what I truly desire inside my heart!

Hearing that you are fine with not being the only person for me.

While it saddens me that you don't believe you deserve all of me. Another part of me, is incredibly happy inside! Happy to the point where just imagining it will make me feel like I'm floating on cloud nine; it's an intoxicating feeling!

I'm barely holding onto the final shreds of my logic right not. I'm almost about to lose all sense of reason and completely let my desires loose.

This scares me, do you know what type of people have no self-control?

Scumbags, trash!!\"

My internal thoughts flooding through like water crashing out a broken dam.

Won is as calm as ever. Unsurprised, as if she knew all of this already.

\"Won... I like you.

I like talking to you.

I like your smile.

I like that face you make, when you are trying so hard to give every scene your all.

I like the you, that makes me feel loved.

Being together with you... while I can't say I've never imagined developing an intimate relationship with you, and hearing that you're willing to be in such a relationship with me,

I feel like it's incredibly difficult for me to refuse you... But.... \"

Silence fills the room, as Won hears the words she's been expecting

\"I can't hurt that person. I care about her more than I care about myself.\" I smile bitterly, tearing up slightly \"She is my ... she is my air. Without her I can't breathe.

No amount of meaningless relationships, will ever equal one day with her.

I dreamt of a life where I would be respected by hundreds. Adored by thousands and loved by millions.

Now I dream of everyday. Everyday with her. Wanting it to last forever.

I ... don't want to lose a moment with her.

I can't afford to.

So ... I'm sorry Won-ah. \"

Won looks at me, full of understanding as I finally drew a line between us. \" I knew you were going to say that. So I guess I was rejected huh?\"

Nodding my head, I've finally made my mind up.

At this moment, the only thing I desire right now is to see Hora's face.

I need her to tell me I did a good job.

I need to see, and tell her that I love her.

Jumping off my seat, I face Won once more, \"I'm sorry\"

Won smiles and nods, yet behind those eyes I can feel her hurt.

Grabbing my jacket, I scramble out the door.

Too impatient to wait for the elevator, I run down the 15 flights of stairs.

Making my way to the parking lot.

As I turn on the ignition, the DJ on the radio comments on the day, \"The weather to day is 23 degrees Celsius. It's a beautiful day for a family picnic\"

I step on the accelerator, not wasting a second.

'Baechu... I need you.'

Pulling into the exit lane, I try and step on the breaks, but find them not working.

Panicking, I furiously pull up the handbrake but this doesn't affect anything.

As I face forward, I find myself above to ram a sedan, with two young kids at the back.

Swerving out of the way, my car crashes into the wall of the nearby gas station, folding inhalf. As my body hits the stearing wheel, glass shatters cutting me in many places as debris begins pilling on top.

As the initial shock hits in, the air bags deploy protecting me from crashing through the front view window.

In between my final moments of consciousness, I check on the family in the sedan, who have pulled over to the side of the road, as the mother takes care of the two boys crying and the father calls for medical attention.

Feeling the blood running from my head, my eyes begin to shut, as I am just able to make out the familiar figure of Won noona running towards the wreck.

She's crying while profusely knocking on the car's window. Not minding the broken glass, which has formed small cuts on her skin at various parts.

\"D-Dylan! D-Dylan!!\" She screams as I can't help but watch as the world fades around me.