99 – Rely On Me

Irene stilled her hands. Her eyes widened at his statement. Then a smile broke her face.

“That’s wonderful! What a relief! But Noel, why do you look so down even though this should be a happy event?”

“…”

Hearing her words, he lowered his gaze. His silvery grey hair shook helplessly.

“Noel, what happened?”

It was a soft voice, like a caressing a child. Silence passed for a while, but Irene did not urge him, and wordlessly stared at him.

“…My grandfather apologised to me.” he finally murmured, breaking the long silence.

Noel finished speaking, and cupped his head into his hands. He bent over and sighed. He looked very tired. Irene helplessly looked on.

Noel continued. “He said he was sorry. He admitted to his past mistakes. He said what I wanted to hear for a long time. But…”

“…”

“But why am I so frustrated?” he cried.

“Irene, I’m not happy. There’s something that’s seething inside of me. It’s boiling and it’s about to explode. Irene. Do you know what this is?”

“… Noel.”

She had been quietly listening to his story, and spoke softly and sadly. Noel buried his head in his hands and bent over even more. His shoulders, which were big and reliable, felt fragile and vulnerable at this moment. Noel, who seemed to calm his breathing after burying his face, withdrew his hands with a sigh, and clasped them tightly together.

“I’m sorry. Irene. I didn’t mean to burden you…”

“I imagined it after listening to Noel. How would it feel if my family apologised to me and regretted their wrongdoings? Said they were sorry?”

“…”

Noel raised his head. Irene fiddled with the teacup, and quietly took a sip. Her expression was quiet. Her eyes gleamed. The tea moistened her lips, and when she spoke, the warmth of her breath flowed with her words.

“I don’t quite know what exactly you are feeling right now, Noel, but if I were in that situation, I wouldn’t be able to rejoice. I’m sure, sorrow would come before joy.”

If he were able to have apologised like this, why had he not done so before? Could he have been nicer to him? Now that she had said this, she wasn’t sure how to go about it. It would have been nice if he had apologised a little earlier.”

“…”

“…No. Irene is right.” Noel nodded with a deep voice.

“Maybe I was also unfair. I thought that he would never look back at me for the rest of his life, but when he abruptly apologised, it made me feel lighter about what I had suffered so far…as if in vain, all my efforts. Even though it was what I wanted.”

“I don’t want you to have a hard time, Noel.”

“…”

Noel raised her head. His dark brown eyes shook.

“If you’re tired, you’re tired. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to be angry, get angry. I don’t want you to accumulate and bottle your feelings up any more. Anything that piles up will make you sick. There is no need to forgive. Do whatever you want Noel. if you don’t have anyone to express your feelings to, you can always come to me, like this.” Irene spoke ever so gently, holding his gaze. Her olive eyes, and gentle smile was reflected in his shaky brown eyes.

“…isn’t it burdensome?”

“It’s not burdensome. So, if you feel frustrated or tired, or you’re having a difficult time, please tell me. I’m on Noel’s side.”

She hadn’t brought it up because they were simply bound by a contract. If he knew, he might think she was arrogant. But Irene felt only sympathy for Noel. Similar situation; wounds — and the only aide by her side. At least for Irene, more than anyone else, she could trust Noel.

His droopy grey hair fell like the ears of an abandoned puppy.

“…Then, let me know if you’re having a hard time, too.”

He spoke sincerely. “I want to be of help, if not as much as you.”

“You’re already helping me enough. But thank you. If it’s really hard, I’ll find Noel then.”

Noel smiled openly at Irene’s words and stood up. Irene also got up after him.

“I have to go now. It’s late and Louiselle wants me to go.” he said cheekily.

“I’ll see you out.”

“It’s fine. Thank you for the tea. Next time, I’ll treat you. I told Tom to put tea in the greenhouse we went to last time.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” she smiled.

Iren walked Noel to the door, and saw Noel off. As soon as he opened the door, he saw Louiselle. She stared at him, and Noel spoke, fed up.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’ll go anyway.”

“Yes, sir. Goodbye.”

“…I think I made the wrong choice.” He sighed at Louiselle’s clean and decisive greeting. Noel turned to Irene. A light smile appeared on his face.

“Because of you, I feel more at ease, Irene.”

“I’m glad it was helpful.”

Even after saying goodbye, Noel did not go back and looked at Irene. Was there anything left to say? As Irene tilted her head, Noel parted his lips.