The Kpop Otaku's Dream

"Time's up!" The PD-nim exclaims moments later as Ye-jin and I have brought our dishes to the 'judging table' which is no more than a cooler box in frontof the writers.

Looking at Ye-jin's dish, I find myself impressed with the amount of work done. She's made a fusion dish of sorts, a seafood paella pasta if you will. Fideua, being the technical term I was later told. Essentially it'sa version of paella which uses fideos pasta (a short, thin and curved pasta) instead of rice, bringing together squid, prawns, clams, tomatoes and sweet but spicy pimentón. Serve with a dollop of garlic aioli .

Her presentation is much more homey than that of my dish which screams upper-class restaurant but the sunset orange coloured dish with the slight green colour provided by the celery and the dark clam shells, tells me this battle will be anything but easy.

Thinking about it now ex post facto, how did they have all the ingredients on hand for her dish? I smell something fishy and no it's not my dish. There's clearly been some 'scripting' happening that I'm unaware of. I guess this is the difference of treatment between a Hallyu star and rookie. This.... This is DISCRIMINATION! I'll definitely be lodging a complaint with the Korean Broadcasting Authorities if I lose and get this show banned.

The KBS aren't known as the Oprah Winfrey of banning for nothing. If I remember correctly certain Idol groups even had to change the name of their song or certain lyrics in them. Shout out to (S)EXO (the S added for emphasis because even as a guy they are hella sexy) who had to change a song name Lotto to louder because it is also used as a name for the lottery, and is seen as referencing of a brand name. The song is the same, it simply replaces every instance of "lotto" with "louder." Also let me not forget my girls BlackPinku and the Boys with Big Hit entertainment constantly beingdeemed unfit for broadcast.

Nevermind the potential discrimination that hasoccurred , we are called upon by the "judge" to introduce our dishes to the camera's.

Ye-jin proceeds first with what can only be deemed a history lesson that's bound to fall in the hands of the editors scissors, it'sclear she doesn't have much experience with variety shows. I look on shaking my head at this variety noob. "Fideua is a traditional Catalan dish, similar in style to paella but made with short spaghetti-like pasta called 'fideos'. Its base is a wonderful mix of fish stock and a smooth tomato-pepper sauce that the pasta soaks up as it cooks, taking on all of that deliciousness. Then it's crammed with fish and seafood.

Fideua is one of those dishes that's comforting in cold weather but also light enough for warm weather. Certainly warmer is more typical in Catalunya. It's traditionally served with aioli(garlic mayonnaise) and a squeeze of lemon. Otherwise, it's a one pan meal (well, once you've made your stock, if you do, which I recommend).

I have some great memories of enjoying fideua on the beach or at home with both friends and family. I hope you'll give this dish a try and make some of your own memories – it's certainly a delicious dish to add to your 'to try' list" She ends with a little aegyo in her voice. I take back what i said of her having no variety sense, she clearly has some if only marginally.

"NO FAIR!" I lodge an immediate complaint.

"What is the problem Dylan?" The PD asks.

"Ye-jin is clearly seducing the judges, I suggest we replace them" I say which just adds to Ye-jin's embarrassment.

"And who do you suggest we replace them with?" The PD-nim says.

"The female staff!" I say proudly.

"And why's that?"

"Because then I can seduce them too....I can..... even go shirtless" I tease which causes a loud eruption of cheers, boos and chuckles from the production staff.

Ye-jin can't help but roll her eyes at me, lightly pinching my side as a response of my cheekiness. I wince in pain with a wronged expression on my face.

'First, there was collusion, then there was seduction and now physical abuse. OH GOD! Why is this competition so unfair!'

"Hey you should be thanking me not abusing your 'husband'" I complain.

"Oh and whose husband was trying to start a harem right now" She says sharply in response

"Don't remind me of my dead dream" I say softly that the camera's, mics and Ye-jin herself can't pick it up

"What?" She's urges me to speak up.

This time my voice has confidence behind it, "I was just trying to help you, I saved your segment you know. People who watch WGM don't want history lessons they only want two things. 1) Cute/Sweet/Sexy romantic interactions and 2) Comedy"

She nods her head taking my lesson to heart. Before giving me a peck on a cheek .

Causing the entire staff to explode into various screams of Kyaaaa and Kraaah. Are those even human sounds.

"W-What was that for?" I ask dazed and stiff.

"Uhm it was a thank you for helping me. And Also you said the viewers want cute interactions. There you go!" She beams proudly like a student who just Aced their exams.

I bob my head signalling my understanding. Immediately I turn to the PD

"PD-Nim!"

"Yes Dylan?"

"I hereby withdraw my complaints as regards to the fairness of this competition and formally declare my surrender in this battle. I have lost. I wave the white flag!" I announce in a pseudoserious manner

" I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY BEEN BRIBED BY MY COMPETITOR!"