The Kpop Otaku's Dream

"Chae-won , so what do you want?"

She steels herself and responds honestly, "I want to ....be your mistress"

'Oh! my mistress'

"What! my ..... my .... mistress?" I ask not quite believing what she just said

"I want your love Dylan.... I want you. but I don't wish to be the only one for you. I don't want the responsibility of being your other half. That is too heavy a burden for me. And let me make this clear, it isn't because of you, it's my own personal problem ... I have no intention of changing myself, because this is how I am. I'm not 'normal'" She shrugs

"So, what do you think?" She asks calmly

Slowly opening my mouth, I voice my inner thoughts, "You don't want to take responsibility, so you just want to be a mistress? How .... foolish!"

"Chae-won there are millions of guys out there who would sell their souls to the devil in order to devote themselves to you, yet you want to be on the losing side of things?

Being a mistress might sound fun at first.... but it's not as romantic as in movies. It's painful and unfair to all those involved!

You know that you have a problem, yet you still don't intend to change and think that's okay? If you know what the problem is, talk to somebody about it. Talk to me about it, and we can help. You don't have to hurt yourself!"

I let loose every emotion I possibly feel at this time.

"I know." She says, "but that's not what I want"

"Huh!? I never knew you were so .... shameless"

"I learn for the best" She sticks out her tongue cutely

"Honestly... What should I even say" I'm still dumbstruck

"Not all problems have an answer. And .... I don't want change" Chae-won states in a softer voice

Staring deeply into her eyes, I'm certain that she is telling the truth here

"Is that really alright?" I ask with a serious expression on my face

"You don't need to say anything. You only need to let me rely on you" Suddenly breaking out a smile in a beautiful manner that naturally seemed seductive. God! I'm definitely being seduced right now. This siren is luring me into the deepest ocean. "Please accept this unsalvageable shameless idiot of a girl, Dylan"

After seeing such a smile and hearing those words, I face her gaze. Downing the entire cup of tea, I force myself to calm down and control my emotions before I speak up, "Chae-won.... do you know what type of person I am?"

She faces me and gulps

I continue, "In order to prevent any mistaken impressions, I'm going to explain just who I am for you" clearing my throat, " I'm simply an otaku. I love girl groups, k-dramas and everything Hallyu. I only do what I want and like to. I'm not anything special. Do you understand?"

"Yeah"

"I fantasize having many beautiful girls all to myself, and peacefully and wonderfully living with all of them"

"Yeah"

"But that's no good.... A fantasy is a fantasy because it's not supposed to be a real reality. It's impossible. Nevertheless it's what I truly desire inside my heart!"

"Yeah"

"Hearing that you are fine with not being the only person for me. While it saddens me that you don't believe you deserve all of me. Another part of me, is incredibly happy inside! Happy to the point where just imagining it will make me feel like I'm floating on cloud nine; it's an intoxicating feeling!"

"Yeah"

"I'm barely holding onto the final shreds of my logic right not. I'm almost about to lose all sense of reason and completely let my desires loose. This scares me, do you know what type of people have no self-control? Scumbags, trash!!"

"Yeah"

My internal thoughts flooding through like water crashing out a broken dam.

Chae-won is still as calm as ever. Unsurprised, as if she knew all of this already.

"Chae-won... I like you. I like talking to you. I like seeing your face. I like to see you perform. I like being together with you. While I can't say I've never imagined developing an intimate relationship with you, and hearing that you're willing to be in such a relationship with me, I feel like it's incredibly difficult for me to refuse you... But.... "

Silence fills the room, as Chae-won hears the words she's been expecting

"I can't hurt that person. The person I care about." I smile bitterly, tearing up slightly "Chae-won... she (Irene) is air to me. Without her I can't breath. I don't want to lose her. I can't afford to. Do you understand?"

Chae-won looks at me understanding how I just sacrificed the last remnants of my fantasy, finally drawing a line between us. "Yeah"

Slightly shaking, I've finally made my mind up. A harem is what I've desired my entire teenage life but I've finally realized how much I care about Irene.

At this moment, the only thing I desire right now is to see Irene's face. I need her to tell me I did a good job. I need to see her to put my mind at ease.

Jumping off my seat, I face Chae-won once more, "I'm sorry"

Chae-won smiles and nods, showing she understood my reasoning. Yet behind those eyes I can feel her hurt.

Grabbing my jacket, I grab my keys and scramble out the door. Too impatient to wait for the elevator, I run down the 15 flights of stairs. Making my way to the parking lot.

The DJ on the radio comments on the day, "The weather to day is 23 degrees Celsius. It's a beautiful day for a family picnic"

I turn on the engine and step on the accelerator, not wasting a second.

'Baechu! I need to see you'

When I'm about to turn into the exit lane and step on the breaks, I find them not working.

Panicking, I furiously pull up the handbrake but this doesn't affect anything. Staring at the upcoming wall. I resign myself to fate as

*CRASH*

In between my final moments of consciousness, I feel the blood running from my head as I am just able to make out Chae-won's figure running towards the wreck. She's crying while profusely knocking on the car's window. Not minding the broken glass, which has formed small cuts on her skin at various parts.