Chapter 46

"Why do you do whatever I ask you to do?"

“Well…”

Lexion's face brightened at the question.

I looked away, having trouble making eye contact.

You hugged me, comforted me, but why are you doing everything for me even now?

In the midst of that, what was ridiculous was that I listened to everything he had to say.

Then he mumbled a little low, as if he had misunderstood.

“If you do this to anyone, I might get a little angry…”

“Oh, it’s not like that! Zion isn’t just anyone!”

As soon as I protested, his eyes widened for a moment, then fell silent again.

He said.

“You don’t know how patient I am right now. So I guess I'll just let it go."

“…What?"

“Being so pure makes me want to do worse things.”

“What are you talking about…”

I stuttered hard at Lexion's sudden provocation.

Then he lightly bit my finger and said,

“Titi, I’m sorry, but there was no such thing as dust in the first place.”

“…”

"Surprised?"

Lexion asked with a soft smile.

There was a slight chill at the end of the playful voice.

‘There was no such thing as dust in the first place.’

When the hopeless thing turned out to be true, my head went numb.

I had no idea that Lexion would seduce me in this way.

I panicked and snapped.

“Wow, were you always this active?”

But my voice was trembling, so it wasn't very threatening.

My face felt so hot that it felt like I was about to die, but my hands were held by him, so I couldn’t even cover my face.

One hand was still on his chest and the other rested on his lips.

At my question, he laughed self-assuredly, as if sneering at himself.

“Do you think I would do this to anyone?”

"That… ”

"This is me but…you wouldn't know."

"Zion?"

I couldn't understand Lexion's words.

In particular, I couldn't understand the backstory at all.

He said with a bitter smile.

“When it comes to you, I keep losing control. Especially when you accept all my actions.”

He lightly patted our tangled fingers.

It looked like something complicated and subtle.

‘Was Lexion like this? No, did I really know him?’

I was even more confused by his words.

All of a sudden, I had doubts about what I thought I knew of him.

After all, even what was written in the novel was from the perspective of the female protagonist.

Maybe that's what I was defining as Lexion Sparrow.

No, maybe I didn't want to see it.

My face was still hot.

He let out a deep sigh as I closed my eyes without saying anything.

“I thought it would be okay if you just stayed by my side. I guess I'm greedy. The more I am with you, the more I want with you.”

“Zion…”

“I want your eyes to see only me, just as I was blind to you.”

“…”

My heart sank at his words.

Lexion didn't stop.

“I feel like I want to live alone with you in a place that no one knows about.”

“…Zion."

“Can we?”

I couldn't answer the playful question.

What should I answer?

I wanted to do that.

But we couldn't do that.

I'm pathetic about myself for worrying that your sincerity is the set value.

Even so, the setting value is good, so I felt cowardly in my desire to love you.

‘There is nothing I can do.’

In the end, I chose to dodge, so I twisted my hand and took a step back from him.

“Come on, don’t play around.”

“Does this sound like a joke?”

He grabbed my hand again and stopped me from moving away.

It seemed that he intended to hear an answer as if he were going to die soon.

But I averted my gaze.

“Even if you’re serious, we can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“I… I am not even a citizen…”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I’ll only cause trouble to Zion…”

“It’s not trouble at all.”

Lexion refuted what I was talking about.

I clicked my lips and muttered a little.

I didn't want to do this until the end.

“It would be more beneficial for Zion to meet other people than to meet me…”

"No."

Then Lexion cut off my words as if there was nothing left to say.

Somehow, there was anger in his voice.

I hesitated and closed my lips.

Then he mumbled as if pleading.

“Not at all. I cannot be happy with someone else.”

“…”

‘You have to be happy.’

I remembered the last line I left as Tiarozety.

Hearing those words, the Lexion that had his face crumpled back then and the current Lexion overlapped.

I may be overthinking.

Maybe it was because I wanted to accept that crazy sweet temptation right now.

However, Lexion whispered firmly as if he was going to hear an answer.

“It has to be you.”

“…”

“So, be honest. How do you feel?”

“…You said I didn’t have to answer."

I muttered while crying.

Tears came out.

In the end, I felt pitiful that I had no choice but to blame him to avoid the situation.

I really don’t know

Accepting this confession seemed too selfish, and rejecting it was painful because it seemed to hurt him.

‘Was I not the only one who wanted this?’

Lexion's eyes trembled violently at my crying voice.

Then he grabbed my hand tightly.

"Titi…”

“I really don't know what to do… Why do you keep asking me?”

“…”

“I have no choice… If you keep asking me to choose, I really can’t do anything.”

I was in tears.

I couldn't even do this on my own.

A feeling of helplessness engulfed my whole body.

Now was the time where the plot didn’t take place.

So no matter what I do here, the book will not get involved.

But when the book opens, it will eat away at my life as it thoroughly tries to cover and reduce the role of Lexion.

It was clear from the fact that not a single line of his previous confession was written in the book.

Perhaps the book dismissed the story of him and me as useless.

So I couldn't do anything because I was anxious and afraid.

I really feared that I would become a puppet and be swayed by the novel like a machine.

I feared that Lexion would be hurt if I connected with Gregory, who became my male protagonist.

‘I don’t want you to be hurt like I was.’

It was even more heartbreaking to see that his position overlapped with his previous position.

And I felt compassion for my old life.

I was already helpless in this book.

No matter how hard I tried, I didn't think I could win the book.

“I…”

“Titi, calm down. Sorry. I'm sorry, I was in a hurry… I just said it because I was in a hurry. Sorry, don't cry. It's my fault."

As thick tears fell from my eyes, Lexion gibbered in embarrassment.

His hand quickly wiped away my tears.

Even his touch felt so tender that I couldn't control my emotions and pushed him away as if I was going to vomit.

“Zion was rude. You keep making me look forward to it where I’m expecting more! If I expect it, I will only be disappointed again, and if I’m disappointed, it will only hurt me, so why should I do that?”

“…”

“I hate myself for doubting whether you are serious or not. Serious or not, the fact that I am so happy and excited at this moment is going to drive me crazy.”

“…”

“If this is what I like, I don’t want it at all. I hate to like it!”

I poured out words without giving Lexion a chance to speak.

I put the words he couldn't understand into my mouth and let out my worries.

My face must have been a mess of tears, but there was no time to worry about that.

I trembled like a man driven to the edge of a cliff.

No, maybe I’m already falling down the cliff.

My life was miserable and I couldn't stand it.

Then Lexion asked with a trembling voice.

“What did you say now?”

He urged me as I sobbed.

“…Why do you keep trying to check my heart because it's important? Zion doesn't know. How lonely and difficult I am here.”

“…I know."

Lexion answered with a sullen face.

I was furious and shouted.

“What do you know? You know nothing! Only me...! I'm the only one here...!”

I flinched as I swallowed the words I couldn't get out of my mouth.

If I bring out the story of the book to the character in the book, time will go back as it is, breaking the rules.

I closed my lips, not wanting to experience that terrible sensation again.

It was a feeling I never wanted to experience again.

Maybe it was because I didn't want his confession to be something that didn't happen.

It would be very sad if it became a memory that didn't even exist.

It was then.

He suddenly hugged me.

“Hey…!”

Hiccups came out.

I was so surprised that tears welled up.

I thought my body was shaking, but it wasn't because of me.

It was Lexion who was shaking.

He said, trembling.

“I’m sorry for making you feel lonely.”

“Ugh… Hic!”

“So, don’t cry anymore. I feel like my heart is breaking because you’re crying...”

He let out a hot breath and apologized several times.

Even though he had nothing to apologize for.

I couldn't stand it because I hated it so much.

Still, he overturned what he said.

“No, you can cry. You don't have to pretend to be brave even in front of me, Titi. I know you're having a hard time."

Why are you so kind that you drive people crazy?

In the first place, the fact that I couldn't lean on him made me feel depressed.

In fact, I found out that the reason he said 'you're having a hard time' was because of the Esol disaster.

So I couldn't calm myself down.

In the end, I grabbed Lexion and wept like a crying child in a mother's arms.

Even half of me wanted to be comforted.