The One Who Kills Time

After the long biology lesson, I feel an even greater need to get some nutritional food to supplement me with sufficient energy to last through the rest of the day. I have a lot of cells to feed after all.

Although, there is only one lesson left after the break.

I pack up my things and organise them neatly into my bag, just as the things that go through our body are. They are not going to be excreted or anything though. Guess they will be stored there for future use. Kind of like excess glucose is stored by insulin. Except that there is no such thing as excess. The original amount taken out is recycled for use again. Less like the digested products and more like recyclable ribosomes. Although ribosomes are not exactly compartmentalised and stored. Some are free, and some are attached to the endoplasmic reticulum.

There are free pieces of paper in my bag and books. So it's like the pages are the ribosomes. Some free and others bound to become books.

...

Instead of coming up with useless comparisons I should be making my way to the canteen quickly. To avoid the long queues that are bound to appear if I wait too long.

On a side note, it seems like I'm running out of deep and profound things to think about. My thoughts are becoming more and more like those compilations of lame jokes no one will ever laugh at. Though if you think about it, it's quite impossible for a joke that no one will laugh at to exist. I mean surely someone, somewhere in the world digs that sort of lame humour.

Having packed my things, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and briskly walk out of class and head straight for the canteen. Considering the fact that I only eat one steamed bun from the S&D stall for lunch, I should already have to face a much shorter queue than most. Since most people would not be satisfied with a light snack for lunch unlike me.

Urg. I took too long. A disgustingly long queue has already formed in front of the S&D stall. By the way, it is actually just like five people in front of me. BUT, people are constantly meeting up with their friends in the queue and cutting in. Seriously, would it really be that difficult to queue properly? Well, I'm both too much of a coward and lazy to stop them, so I let them cut ahead of me.

I'm quite patient when it comes to things like this. At least when I'm not rushing to do anything. Today has been a good day, and our teachers have surprisingly not given us much homework. Good for them. Or rather, good for me. I guess. Either way, I'm not going to put in the extra effort to stop them from cutting queue. I'd have preferred it if they did not force me to waste time here doing nothing while waiting though.

I hate it when people complain yet here I am complaining to myself in my head. Since I have no one else to complain to. I hate how the things I hate others for doing are so often things I do myself. At least I would never do the things I really hate. I wouldn't be able to do them even if someone tried to force me. Things like going to an amusement park and having fun.


That's just me preferring to be a shut-in though.

Sigh... My order is likely much faster to prepare than others. Since it requires no preparation on the store owners part. Well, I'll reach the front soon enough. Even if it the other students' orders require a bit more preparation, the S&D stall is known for being efficient. In about 5 minutes, I managed to get my hands on my chicken steamed bun.

Yes.

Chicken Bun.

And in less than 5 minutes, I finished eating it.

I throw away the paper bag that it came in and started heading to the library. The only homework given today is a short English comprehension and biology review. Fortunately, no chemistry or math homework, the two most time-consuming subjects for me, was assigned.

I head over to the cubicle in the very corner of the second floor of the library. The least cold and most secluded part of the library. Perfect. Since I'm not very good with the cold or people.

I plug in my earphones and start playing my music.

Time to get down to work.

Starting with English comprehension.

As I was reading through the passage about "fashion" and "image", I started to get a little irritated. I always despised the importance society has placed on appearances. Because my mother has always been and still is particularly concerned about things like grooming and image.

I've always found it a pain to maintain appearances and felt that it was a waste of energy.

As long as I can do what I need to do, why should appearances matter? Sure, some people may look unkempt and sketchy, but that does not necessarily mean that they are incapable. We should let their credentials speak for themselves. Just because they do not take care of their appearances does not necessarily mean that they are sloppy workers. They just have different priorities. In fact, there is a relatively high probability that some people that look untidy and all over the place are the most organised and tidy when it comes to their work. Or at least that's what I think.

It's just wrong to discriminate based on appearances! I mean, look at the past that is riddled with conflict due to our tendency to judge people based on appearances.

To maintain an image is a waste of time to me. The more effort you put into maintaining a false image, the harder you will fall when people break through your disguise. Not only will they be disappointed and likely disgusted at your true self, but they will also despise you for having lied to them and put up a false front for so long.

Although I say all this, I'm sure that whether I want to or not, I subconsciously care about my image. It's just that there are more instances in which I care less about how I look than my parents. If I'm going to school or a mall, I will dress appropriately. However, if I'm just visiting relatives, I would much prefer if I could simply go in my pyjamas.

I'm probably guilty of judging people by appearances too. But that is just because, most of the time, all I have to deduce about a person is their appearance. I don't interact with others much after all. I could put in the extra effort to observe their actions and behavioural tendencies, but that too requires too much energy. Also, that would probably make me like a stalker.

Well, since I don't interact with others, I know that my judgements are most likely off. Thus, they hold no value and affects no one. So my opinions are in the end, completely harmless. It is not like I go around spreading the bad impressions I get of others to those around me. Not like I have anyone to spread them to or anyone who would believe or care about what I say anyway.

Well, that's just my opinion though. I should probably be focusing on the passage and answering the questions though. Venting to myself isn't going to amount to much. No, it's probably not going to amount to anything.

As I was quietly focusing on my work, I felt a presence approaching me. Probably just someone who wants to take the cubicle next to me. Well, no matter. I'll simply continue to have my face buried in my papers and ears plugged. I hear the chair beside me being taken out and someone sitting down. See? I was right. Nothing to worry about.

I'm honestly quite distracted.

I need to focus.

After a good half an hour, I finished my English comprehension. Pretty efficient if I may say so myself. It's a result of me skimming through the article after reading the questions. By doing that, I can quickly sift through the passage for answers to the more straightforward questions that can be answered straight from the passage first. The quality of my work probably isn't high though. What's important is that I completed it and don't get into trouble with the teacher anyway.

Always prioritise not getting into trouble.

I turn to my bag to keep my English homework and notice that the person sitting next to me was Seria. Part of Celeste and company. Rather quiet and reserved. She only speaks when spoken to. When I was still a part of their group in year one, I didn't take much notice of her because she didn't stand out as much as Celeste. Or rather, I was too preoccupied thinking of Celeste all the time cause I was an idiot.

"Hello. Saw you studying and since there was a seat beside you, I figured we could study together." She said with a smile as she noticed I moved from my otherwise still position I was in when focused on my homework.

Was she always so nice? Damn my social skills or rather, conversational skills. I have no clue how I'm supposed to react to that statement!

"Ah... Hi," I smile to hide the awkwardness.

"S-Sorry, hope it doesn't bother you."

Damn it! She got worried that I didn't want her sitting next to me because of my lack of response earlier! I feel horrible. She knew me and still sat beside me silently. She could have called out to me the moment she saw me but waited for me to finish my homework first. This considerate soul does not deserve unnecessary worry.

"N-no it's fine!"

"That's good," she said as she breathed a sigh of relief.

At least she seemed to be clear of worry now. That was a quick resolution.

Thank god.

"By the way, have you looked through the biology notes for next week that she asked us to review before the next class? I don't really understand it."

"Ah no, I haven't really looked at it yet. I'll look through it now and see if I can help."

To be honest, I'd briefly looked over it a week before. Since I don't do much else with my time, I occasionally look through notes for classes weeks in advance. On days without math and chemistry homework of course. However, I need to refresh my memory a little, so I can more confidently help Seria in whatever she is she doesn't understand.

Wait, couldn't she just ask Celeste and company for help? Should I ask? Wait. Is she interested in me? No no no. I must not fall down that path. Just because someone asks for your help does not mean they are interested in you. You are just someone they feel that they can use. No. Rely on. There we go, more positive.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure she's not the kind of person who would use others for selfish reasons. She's just a nice and considerate person. Celeste and company are probably just busy with other things or don't feel like studying. In the end, reading too much into things does nothing but cause needless worry and stress. I should not jump to conclusions.

I better hurry up and read through the notes so that I can help Seria and not leave her hanging. As I'm reading through the notes, I can feel Seria staring at me. Urg, this is not good for my heart. Focus, focus. She's just staring because she doesn't have anything else to do and is waiting for me to look up and tell her I can explain the topic better than the notes. Wait, I'm the type that memorises biology notes, how am I going to explain it to her?!

Urg.

I'm going to look so lame.

"Sorry, I'm not sure how to explain this. What is the thing you are confused about in this chapter?"

"Oh, it's the stages of cancer."

Damn it.

That is something that I'd just memorise without caring about understanding.

"Sorry I don't really know how to explain. I'd just memorise it."

I'm so lame. Why can't I be cool and explain the process, so it's easy to understand and memorise? I'm sure I'd be able to do that if I were an anime protagonist...

"Oh..."

There it is — the disappointment. I can't look at her in the eyes. I'm such a failure.

"Thanks! Sorry for bothering you," she laughed it off and looked back at her notes. "So I just have to memorise it huh... it's pretty long though. Do you have any tips on how to memorise it?"

Wahhhhh.

She's giving me a second chance. But I don't know how... Someone bury my head in a hole. I'm supposed to be a calm and cool character who thinks about deep and profound things. Why am I getting so flustered over a normal conversation with a girl I don't even particularly like? She is really nice to me for some reason though.

The bell rings.

THANK THE HEAVENS.

"Ah sorry, we should probably head to the next class. I'll tell you if I figure out an easy way to memorise it," I say cooly while packing up my biology notes and picking up my bag.

"Shall we go?"

"Ah sure, hold on. Let me pack up my stuff," she replied a little flustered.

Damn it. I thought it was cooler to speak while packing up and standing up in a smooth fluid motion but ended up making her rush to pack her things as a result. I'm really hopeless. Not only am I trying to maintain a false image, even though I was complaining about how others do so just a little earlier, but I'm also making Seria stressed over having to pack up quickly.

Time sure passed a lot more quickly after I noticed Seria tough. Perhaps killing time with others isn't so bad after all...

No. I'll end up wasting the time of others. I should continue to kill time alone. I'm sure that others would much rather spend their time with friends who they can interact with more actively. Friends who have similar interests and opinions on said interests to discuss.

I should continue killing time alone.

But for now, I'll head to class with Seria and relish the feeling of not being alone.