The picturesque rice cakes are delicious today

I was a pencil dessert that day.

It takes time, until the oil paint dries. Especially in the winter, paint dries slowly. So oil takes time, so in the end, you'll be doing pencil desserts and watercolors or something in between.

I've heard that the basics of painting are even Desan. So, not that I don't hate pencil desserts that much. Although I have regrets that I can't draw the way I want, or that I don't express it well, I enjoy that it gradually decreases with each overlapping number of sheets, just simply, becoming a pleasure to draw.

... It was raining outside.

How can winter rain be so cold? But I don't hate this cold that much.

Somehow, it calms me down the most as cold as a little bit. That's why I don't turn on much heat.

In a slightly colder room, don't turn on too many lights, rubbing the scuffling hands, moving the pencils only. That kind of calms me down.

... but there are people in this house who don't want me to be in a cold room.

"Togo. You wouldn't stay wet, would you? I'm gonna catch a cold."

"Yeah."

The teacher came with a towel in one hand. Maybe the teacher saw my shoes on the doorstep but not my umbrella and guessed that I had come this far without an umbrella. Yeah. I couldn't help it because I didn't have an umbrella today.

... and as the teacher expected, I stayed wet.

Of course, I wiped my hands. Otherwise, because even though I'm in the dessert, the paper gets wet and it's going to be a big deal.

I just haven't wiped my hair much. I mean, wiping it doesn't dry right away, so I've already given up.

"... dude. What the hell is the cold in this room? You're not air-conditioning again."

"Yeah."

"You can put it on, but you won't turn on the heat. I turned on the cooling... so you like the cold."

"Yeah."

When I answered, the teacher laughed with pleasure.

"That's good, but you should wipe your hair. You're really gonna catch a cold. Look, come on."

The teacher wipes the towel over my head as I approach. I'm not very good.

"I can wipe it myself."

"No, a little more. I don't have a chance like this inside, so I want to go through it.... maybe this is what it feels like to wipe a big dog or something"

Perhaps so, but how similar is it to the feeling of wiping me? I can't say anything because I don't know either.

But for now, until the teacher was satisfied, he decided to be wiped.

My teacher wiped me and I lost my mind, so I decided to take a break. The teacher also came for a break, so it's just fine. We'll take a break.

Hold the cup of cocoa the teacher brought to me with both hands and warm your fingertips. I like this feeling of twitching and melting my fingers.

"Oh, rain, it's going to stop. It's getting weaker."

The teacher said that by looking out the window with one hand in the cup of cocoa.

By the way, the teacher still doesn't drink cocoa for the time being. For some reason, the teacher is a cat tongue. If you say so already, I'm a cat tongue, too. So two people and don't drink the corner cocoa inside the hot. But the cup with hot cocoa makes a good yummy, so I also think it would be just fine.

"Apparently, the rain will be up by the time you get home. Good for you. You'll have trouble lending me an umbrella..."

"Yeah."

"Slow down until it rains."

"Yeah."

I'll stick my mouth to the cup as I expect it to rain just a little longer.

... It's only natural that the teacher refused in the teacher's cup, but it was still a little too hot for me to drink.

So for a while now, the cup of cocoa will be a yummy for my hand.

I look on my desk warming up in a cup of cocoa.

On the desk, a few sheets of paper. Some of the paper I painted, but more than that, there's a lot of paper I'm going to paint.

When I get one extra print of the class, I get it and use it as a painting paper, and when I get the blank paper, I'm happy to take it home and use it as a painting paper. So double-sided printing is my enemy.

... but some of the paper lined up on the desk is the one that 'can't be made into painting paper on a single-sided printing habit'.

"What's up, Togo... Oh, you know what?"

He must have looked sinister. He looked at me, and then the teacher, who was peeking into the desk, nodded as he was convinced to take up the print.

... What the teacher covered was a print of the Pathway Hope Survey.

Looking at the Pathway Hope Survey and the print that said, the teacher generally perceived my feelings.

"Right. Is that the season already? Literary choices were made around summer. Which... better. Law school. Complete. It's a superior building. That's good."

"Yeah."

The teacher looked at my "Jianmae" and laughed bitterly.

... He told me that this was my "pre-construction".

It's a pleasure to have someone find out how I feel.

Maybe this is how I get my teacher to find me, and I manage to breathe.

"Hmm...... apparently I find it hard to write this. That's a critical deadline."

"... yeah"

I don't like routine surveys. You will be lying. And because that lie is serious, I have to lie again.

Every time, I feel like my feelings are buried in me.

Every time I bury them, my teacher finds them and digs them up, but still, a lot of people come to bury my heart.

That's what scares me.

"Hmm... I'm a lot better than you... but I've got something similar going on here."

That's what the teacher says, holding the cup, leaning against the wall near the window.

"Me too, I still lie on paper. I'm sure you know..."

Yeah. I know. The teacher is also a teacher, and there are things I need to tell you that I don't want to throw up and hide my teacher's feelings. Anything could be a lot harder than mine.

"... for example, every year, every year, you're lying about the bare noodles you're given without punishment. Yeah, it really shouldn't be."

Uh... yeah. All the noodles are delicious to me.

... Though that may not be a lie though, because in that sense, "Kiryu Above" is delicious.

"Well, aside from the bare noodles, I see you don't know exactly what you wanted to write in this Pathway Hope Survey yourself"

...... Stuck in words.

I look back on my feelings, but I can't shape them well. [M]

I like to paint. But that's not a good word.

I want to draw. I want to draw all the time. But it stopped there… I'm sure there's nothing further ahead.

Nothing. You shouldn't. I feel that way.

I want something to happen. But I don't think I should say that.

At least I can't write "I want to be a painter" in a routine survey. I'm sure that's not what I want to write...

... Seeing me like that, the teacher laughed with pleasure.

"Right. You seem to like to paint. From what I can tell, you look like you're really enjoying painting."

"Yeah."

"So if I can, I wish I could live a way that you can do what you want, that's what I think. I know it's hard."

"... yeah"

I know too. 'Difficult' reasons are numerous. I know that too. So unnecessarily, I don't know what to write in the Pathway Hope Survey, and in the end, I'm supposed to write "Law School".

I wonder what I'm missing. Is it words, or is it bravery? I'm not even sure about that.

"Though, Togo. In the first place, you don't have to entrust all of yourself to such a piece of paper"

However, the teacher placed a print of the Pathway Hope Survey on his desk.

"I guess what I wrote here doesn't mean everything about you."

"Yeah."

What's written there is not what I want. I'm sure there's a lot more to what I want to write here and what I can't write here....... although I haven't really seen it yet and it doesn't take shape. I don't think it should take shape, but I do.

"Even to make a compromise with reality. Even if you don't see the future well. Even if there is something somewhere you have to give up. Still, don't lose sight of who you are"

The teacher doesn't look at me in particular, he says.

"Who I am. That's all, even if you throw out all the reality and nothing and hide it in your heart."

"Hide it..."

When I reacted a little, the teacher laughed and looked at me.

"That's right. Keep it hidden. You should hide it from those who try to destroy the treasure you hold dearly as soon as they find it before it's properly shaped."

The teacher's words are something no one else will say to me.

And I'm sure it was what I wanted to be told.

"... yeah"

"Well... that's all you have to do. It just doesn't stay that way. You must lie on this paper. [M] There will still be a lot of unspoken thoughts, and I wonder who I want to be, unspoken."

"Yeah."

I have to lie and hide my heart. [M] Anything that gets broken if I get it out, I have to hide it gently.

But that doesn't mean pretending not to look, it doesn't mean getting in and forgetting.

Even the unspoken ones, you can hide them. So warm up slowly in me... like a bird's egg and wait for the day to hatch.

Someday.

"... well, someday"

At some point the teacher looked at me and laughed at the snare as he rubbed the cup he drank out of cocoa without meaning in his hand.

"I hope one day you can put your heart into words."

"... yeah"

I think so, too.

The day I can shape what I've been hiding and warming. [M]

"If your feelings are words, let me know. I want to know what you describe yourself in."

"... you know I'm not good at making it into words"

"Ha. Right. But you, too, know that the paintings I draw are suck shit and will make me draw sometimes. Over here."

"Yeah."

Over here. Yeah. Come on.

Me and my teacher are full of crap.

"Right. So one day, will you let me hear it?

I snort when the teacher laughs.

"Yeah."

Someday. Properly, so I can put it into words.

Chapter Two: To Be Worded

I was taken to Faye's house, where I received a warm welcome from your father and brother.

"Mr. Towgo! Welcome!"

"My brother tells me in a letter! Thank you so much!"

This was before I entered the front door, so I was a little surprised. No, I was pretty surprised. Were these people waiting all the time at the front door...?

"Come on, stand up, get inside! You haven't had breakfast yet?

"Whoa! I'm hungry"

"Right. Togo, what about you?

"... just for a moment"

"Right, right! Eat a lot!

... That's how I interrupted the Redgard family again.

Um... me, breakfast, I don't need that much...

After all, I ate quite a lot. I'm surprised myself. If I had eaten as recommended, just a little, just a little more, I would have eaten so much at some point.

But I don't dislike it. Because the Redgard family rice is so delicious.

And fun. Faye says something, your brother embarrasses you, and your father laughs at you. Or your father reacts to the ideas your brother put forward and Faye comes up with something better. That was kind of fun listening to such conversations.

... I get a fresh kanji that the dining table is lively and fun.

"All right, Togo. Eat a lot! You should eat some more, maybe."

"Hmmm...... yeah"

Maybe that's what Faye said when he saw my shape. I do go into 'lean feeling' when I measure BMI or something. [M] Sometimes I also get 'too thin'. Yeah, I kind of care about the shape. It just doesn't make you fat because you ate it. Some people don't get fat whether they eat it or not. No, I certainly don't eat much though.

"Hmm...... Mr. Towgo. Are you usually not eating much?

"No, I'm eating"

"Ah, Father. This guy's eating is not going to be athletic. Because he's satisfied with eating one fruit."

Yeah. I was quickly splattered by Faye.

"That's not good. You should eat."

Quickly, I clouded your father's face. I feel sorry for you when you look like that, but I can't help but not eat. I skipped lunch almost every day since I was in high school, but that was to paint...

"Uh, Dad. You can't tell him that. This guy seems to forget a lot when he's painting. So I can't help it."

...... yeah.

I can't help but paint and forget everything. [M]

But I'm glad someone other than me would say that...

Faye is a good man. Really.

"Oh, my God, did I? Then..."

Faye's father didn't even think about it a little bit, he just looked at me and said it without incident.

"Mr. Towgo. If you don't mind, why don't you live in this mansion?

"Huh."

"What do you think? From what I've seen, you still seem young. If we should have someone's asylum, we'll take charge of it at home. I can also take care of sleeping meals. So, you just need to relax and paint."

Live in this mansion. So, I'll spend some time painting...

... Suddenly they suggested it, and I, I got in trouble.

"Um..."

... I look around.

We're at the same table, Faye, with your brother, with your father. Then the servants look at me and smile. I don't dislike it.

I don't, but... I don't know if I can be here, but I don't think so.

This lovely family is not my family.

"... there are so many horses in the woods..."

That's why I decided to say it.

I really appreciate the offer, but, hey, I don't know, I didn't think I should accept it. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that somehow, I felt like I shouldn't.

"Right. Speaking of which, were you fond of unicorns and pegasus?"

"I hear from Faye around there, too. Thogo, you caught me a poacher."

Oh, the horse story is telling.

"A man liked by Pegasus is also rare, but a man liked by unicorns, is quite rare to be. Yeah, sure, sorry to keep you out of the woods like that"

Faye's father said that, haha, and laughed. Good, although I thought you were going to make me feel bad because you were going to turn down the offer. Apparently, this family resembles Faye, all refreshed people.

"Well, I can't help it. Hmm... I thought it would be fun if you lived in my house. Well, come and see me for a second."

... Apparently, you guys really look just like Faye.

Yeah. Really. If you thought it looked like fun, that would be an honor.

"By the way, Togo. Did you think about that earlier?

"Huh?"

Then I forgot about the warm welcome and the breakfast and the story of whether to live here, but there was also this one.

"Don't you want to be a hugging painter at home, talk about it!

"Um, so, there's a horse in the woods"

"No, no. You don't have to live in our house. But isn't it nice to be exclusive to us?

Uh... when I look at Faye's brother or father, they're just smiling. Apparently, the story goes through.

"What do you say?

"I don't care what they say..."

With Faye's shining eyes on me, I'm in trouble.

"A holding painter, what...?

So I decided to ask you to explain.

"You're a painter who we hire exclusively. The painter paints at the request of the house or from elsewhere through the house. Livelihoods and activities are financed from the Redgard family. Oh, I'll pay for the painting you drew, apart from that. Of course."

"Eh."

Somehow I had predictions, but it was a hell of a story. I mean, patrons? They say it will be, right, this.

I think this kind of story should be professional and not something I would tell an amateur like me, who can't even say amateur......

I don't have a bit of a clap, and it's unrealistic.

"The good news for you is, well, you get the money steadily. Then we'll get through to you, so that's where we'll find jobs from weird places."

"Ugh, yeah."

"The bad news for you, on the other hand... is that it will no longer be free. I'll have a painting of our request, so I won't be able to spend all my time just on what you want to paint."

I don't feel very concerned about that. Aside from what you draw, because it would be fun if you were painting.

"Then, if you want to be the embrace of a house other than ours, you'll be a little shackled then. So... for example, if you want to be a royal castle holding painter, then you shouldn't have a contract with the Redgard family. Even if it's not a royal castle, there are many bigger and better houses."

Hmmm, royal castle, it doesn't pin when they say it, and no matter what they say about other noble houses, it's fine because I don't have a single idea of that......

... That's a hell of a thing. Trouble.

"Your abilities are a little too rare. So I'm sure that any bad guy who tries to take advantage of you, will come out as much as he wants! Togo will never be able to judge you around here, will he? Maybe. What do you say we take care of him?

Yeah. Maybe I'm not too sure I can tell the difference between a bad person and someone who isn't. Exactly. I'm sorry.

... right. If you're going to live in this world, to some extent, you're going to interact with people.

And naturally, the world isn't full of good people like the Redgards... there are people like poachers, and there are people like the black market.

But I'm sure I can't tell the difference. Maybe I'm the gullible type.

Thinking about it, I do appreciate it a lot when the Redgards take care of me...

...... hmm.

Is this okay?

Probably not strong enough. I know my arm. I'm not in prep school for art, and I'm just, you know, drawing. At least, I don't have the skills to do it professionally. I'm not sure.

Besides, I'm a little sorry to take care of the Redgard family. You must be grateful to me, but still, a little too much to sort out my feelings.

... and in myself, something is in the way. Sprout, grab it on the chest, it's caught. I think that's what's disturbing my feelings.

Then I'm sure... I can't put my feelings into words yet.

... but that's okay.

I don't care how I feel, it doesn't matter now.

It doesn't take shape. Even if you consider it, it's good enough, because there's a 'reason to say no'.

"My painting by Togo, look, you used it to heal my injuries, didn't you? So draw me another portrait of me!

That's what I said, Faye is laughing...

"... Um"

I'm facing a problem I've been leaving behind for a long time now.

"I don't have a guarantee that the painting will stay as a painting..."

Yes. 'I didn't mean to make it materialize, but the painting inadvertently materializes' is ample.

Even if you don't want to make it into a cake, if you draw a cake, it becomes a cake.

I mean... in a way, I may not be able to paint.

... before my feelings, then, I can't do the painting job, I guess. Yeah.