The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

“Gasp! You’re back.”

“Yes.”

Father’s hand touched my head. The gentle swiping hand was the same as usual, so I felt a little relieved. I confessed that I made a mistake, but Father’s attitude is the same as usual, so he won’t scold me a lot, right? How should I confess? I was rolling my eyes, and Father spoke up first.

“Okay. What mistake did you make?”

“I… decided to study with Kir.”

A voice crawled out of his mouth.

“……”

Father’s silence was heavy. I slowly lifted my head and looked into Father’s face. Noticing my movements, Father let out a small sigh.

“Why is that a mistake?”

“Because I made my own decisions without consulting Father.”

Instead of answering, Father swept my head with a complicated face. I looked up at Father with anxious eyes. Feeling my gaze, Father held me in a flash. I quickly wrapped my arms around Father’s neck. My father patted me on the back.

Now I’m used to this behavior. At first, all he did was brush my hair and hold my hand, but the skinship gradually increased. Of course, there were some awkward incidents. It was the first time I hugged Father.

I became so close with Father! I am deeply moved by this, but Father patted my back with a slightly strong touch.

I reflexively squeaked and coughed at the pressure coming in, and Father was so startled that he released his hand. There were times when I, who was coughing, and Father, who patted me, were surprised and got awkward.

As time passed, Father relaxed his hands and learned how to treat me. But after a year, we were still clumsy people learning to treat each other.

“I think my daughter is thinking too much. It’s a natural age for you to make mistakes and be stupid.”

I released my strength from the arm I was holding tightly and met Father’s gaze.

“Can I make a mistake?”

“Of course. Aren’t you a child? I don’t even think that it was a mistake, but even if it was a mistake, I wouldn’t scold you much. Or is this father such a scary person?”

I shook my head hurriedly, feeling the sadness emanating from Father’s voice.

“No. I’m not afraid. Because it’s Father.”

A faint smile appeared on Father’s lips and then disappeared. It seems that Father was also worried that I would be afraid of him.

“I don’t know what will happen in the future, so I don’t think I can promise that I won’t scold you at all. So I won’t make such a promise. But even if I do scold you a lot, it’s not because I hate you. Parents do not really hate their children.”

So, don’t worry so much, the last words seemed to have been swallowed up. But that explanation was enough. It diluted my fears.

I was unconsciously worried that Father would hate me. It wasn’t because Father scolded me or something like that. The first reason was that we had just been close, and the second reason was that I was happy to be loved as a daughter.

In fact, when I think about it, my family in my previous life was not very harmonious either. They were so busy that it was hard to see their face. We may have been close friends when I was really young, but I don’t remember.

So it was good that Father took care of me like this in this life. Even if I was treated as a child, it was fine. Even though I knew it was childish, it was a sweet and happy feeling as if I had received the first gift in my life.

I was happy with the snack Father bought me. It was nice that he patted and cuddled me. It felt so good to be loved.

Once you taste the sweetness, you will want to taste it again and again. So, in front of Father, I was more childish and self-conscious. I think there was a sense of pressure to become a good daughter for fear of losing this happiness that softens every corner of my heart.

I really thought I was an adult, but after living as a child for a long time, my heart became a child again.

“You don’t hate me for making a mistake, do you?”

“Yes.”

Father patted my head telling me not to worry, and I smiled.

“Then is it okay to study with Kir?”

This may be good for people who want to look good to the upper class even by using their children, but it was not for Father. Because sometimes he seemed to not like me going to tea time. No, it sounds like he doesn’t want me to be friends with Kir?

I guess it’s because he feels like he was using his child somehow. Considering Father’s honest personality, it was understandable. He is a person who will not be able to do such a weak act for the rest of his life.

Such an honest father was infinitely good, but sometimes frustrating. So that’s why I was being weak? Influenced by Father?

“Do you want to? Did the Young Master force it?”

Father doesn’t seem to know that I’m not the kind of person who will obediently follow Kir’s push. After all, when such an ignorant boy and daughter are together, it is natural for Father to worry about his child.

“I want to. Even if he forces me to do it, I am not the one to do it.”

A satisfied smile came to Father at my blunt answer. Right, is my daughter the one to be swayed by the Young Master? That kind of joy.

I feel like a filial piety with just this.