The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

The sun is warm today and a slightly cool wind blows, so it’s the perfect weather for tea time. As I had told Mrs. Seryl in advance, a picnic with a cloth on the floor rather than an outdoor table was prepared.

Kir followed, but he was dissatisfied with his studies being interrupted, so I had to take off my shoes first, took a spot, and then patted the spot next to me.

“Come on, sit down.”

Instead of sitting down, Kir taps his foot on the ground. And he said something surprising.

“I’m going in. I have to study.”

I didn’t expect to hear those words from Kir’s mouth. At the same time, it seemed that I somehow knew how Kir felt when I said that. He was filled with some sense of gloom.

“It will be over soon. And they say that you have to eat something sweet to keep your head taut. If it were me, I would eat when I had time to stretch out and finish it quickly.”

I don’t know if it felt right or if it was because I didn’t have anything to say. Kir, who was staring at me, slowly took off his shoes and sat across from me. At my glance, Mrs. Seryl quickly pulled out what was in the basket and placed them. She can prepare in advance, but I wanted a picnic atmosphere and deliberately told her not to prepare in advance.

For Kir, today’s tea was lemon honey tea. As the teacup was placed in front, the refreshing scent spread languidly. Desserts to be served were prepared in the form of cookies that can be easily picked and eaten by hand.

“Let’s eat.”

Even when I offered it, Kir didn’t seem to want to touch the food. So I reached out first. I took a small chocolate brownie and put it in my mouth. The chewy texture and the soft chocolate flavor go together fantastically. Oh, it’s amazing. Why can’t I get tired of eating sweets? It looked like it could be eaten at every meal.

After filling my simple happiness, I opened my mouth to Kir, who was sitting blankly, staying faithful to his original purpose.

“Are you studying hard?”

Kir stared at me. The eyes that I thought were beautiful had lost their vitality. How can a child’s eyes change like that? My heart sank heavier. For those few months, it seemed that even his pale skin had turned pale because he had only studied in his room.

“It’s okay.”

Kir replied with a dry voice. It was awkward when Kir said he didn’t want to study, but the quiet Kir was also burdensome. He didn’t seem like the kid I knew. That must have been a burden on Kir.

I feel guilty. Even if I didn’t mean to, even if I didn’t know it was going to be like this. Isn’t that also a threat to the desperate boy that he might lose something important? Maybe I’ve been cruel to this little boy just so that I can be comfortable?

“If it’s hard, you don’t have to force yourself to fit in.”

A blue flame ignited in Kir’s eyes, which were dry like dry firewood. A mixture of resentment and annoyance appeared on his face, as if it was about to explode.

“You!”

I quickly raised my hand to stop Kir’s words as he looked like he was about to burst into anger and heated up in an instant, and continued my words.

“I’m not saying I’m going to quit class. It’s because you’re suddenly overdoing it.”

I think it must be very suspicious that I said this when I was more obsessed with studying than anyone else. Of course, Kir couldn’t take my words.

“I apologize first. I’m sorry, I made fun of your promise. I was reckless.”

Kir’s eyes fluttered relentlessly. I sincerely apologized and sincerely persuaded him.

“Because you said you would try, I thought I would let you try, as you would give up soon. But now I know you’re the type of person who can do it too, so let’s take a little break.”

Kir took a breath. Kir’s changing emotions, spreading quickly like a drop of pigment in clear water, were revealed and pounded on my chest. I also realized that I was just as cruel to this little boy as the Grand Duke.

Instead of answering, Kir took up the teacup with trembling hands. And took a sip. Hold on, sip, hold, sip. The more he did it, the more his trembling hands calmed down. Watching Kir silently drink the tea that had cooled slightly and lukewarm, I continued.

“I don’t know what will happen, so I won’t say I’ll quit class for a year or so.”

“…..really?”

“Unless something really big happens, I won’t. Or something unavoidable could happen to me.”

People will never know what was going on. I didn’t want to promise anything that I couldn’t be sure of because I didn’t know when an accident might happen. Even so, I thought that Kir would accept this, so I talked about it, and Kir’s eyes reddened slightly. It was then that my words seemed to look true.

“….why?”

He was asking why with his lips constantly twitchy. He hated being abandoned, but that doesn’t mean he can readily accept the favor I’ve shown.

Am I the one who made a simple boy like this? In just three months, what emotions have fluctuated inside this little boy, and a heavy feeling of guilt comes over me. Therefore I said it with as much tenderness as I could.

“Nothing. I just want to give it to you, that’s right. I want to.”