The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

When I let out a deep breath, my body was suddenly filled with oxygen, and I coughed out. I groaned and breathed heavily. Gradually, my blurry eyes began to see properly. It sounded as if my blocked ears had been pierced.

“It’s okay. Aren, it’s okay.”

Only then did I feel my father’s hand caressing my hair as he held me tight. A large, rough, but friendly hand wrapped around me. The loud sound of my father’s beating heart brought comfort and calmed my anxious beating heart. The suppressed relief spread.

I was sorry for my father’s muffled voice and urgent touch. So I told him I was okay and tried to move his hand. However, my hand, which was tightly gripped by something, did not move as I wanted. I turned my head with difficulty. Then I saw Kir, who was sobbing while holding my hand.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. It’s my fault.”

The blonde hair was disheveled and his pale cheeks were wet. Tears were shed until his eyelashes clumped together. Kir, who poured out his guilt while biting his lower lip, looked like nothing I had ever seen before.

Normally, even if Kiru behaves selfishly, brusquely, or irritated, there is something hidden behind him. No matter how I told him to comfortably express his feelings, Kir couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because of his childish pride, or because the grand duke said he shouldn’t do that.

Anyway, I knew that most of Kir’s up and down behaviors were due to his suppressed emotions. So half of it was glossed over with the thought that he was still a baby, so let’s let it slide.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Kir was a child who couldn’t apologize. It was his personality that he couldn’t say sorry even though he knew it was his fault. It was a big deal to say it out of his mouth. Such Kir was sobbing and apologizing to me.

“Don’t do that, don’t hurt yourself. I’m sorry, it was all my fault.”

Kir was crying, forgetting about his pride. The small hands that eagerly grasped me pitifully and desperately grabbed me.

“Kir.”

I thought I would melt in the heat and lose my voice. It feels dry, but my voice came out well. It was a small call, but listening to the sound of my voice, the little boy’s bowed head suddenly came up. The round eyes captured me happily.

“Are, are you okay?”

He tried to swallow his tears, but the tears that he couldn’t stop continued to flow. Looking at the red eyes, it seemed that he had been crying for a long time. At that moment, Kir’s face, which was like a kind angel or a little devil, looked like the face of someone his age that I had never seen before. His eyes are puffy, the tip of his nose is red, and his cheeks are pale and wet. It’s really messed up.

Funny enough, seeing Kir’s messed up face made me realize the reality. There was no fire surrounding me. I was with Kir in Father’s arms. There was nothing threatening me in this space. Like fresh air had come in, the body that had been engulfed in fear was waking up.

“I’m okay….now.”

I even added that at the end because he didn’t seem to believe I was okay. In fact, even when I heard it, my voice was small and thin. It was precarious as if it would get lost immediately. Perhaps because of that, there was an ominous feeling in Kir’s eyes. His hand, which was already tightly gripping me almost painfully, became stronger.

“Are you really okay?”

“Yes. Really… I’m okay.”

I sighed for a moment to clear my dizzy mind. It seemed like Kir was pretending to be okay even though it may be hard. His tears, which had barely calmed down, began to fall again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Like a broken tape, Kir muttered apologies over and over again. But I don’t know what Kir did wrong. The situation wasn’t Kir’s problem. It was just an accident.

Oh, come to think of it, what happened earlier? What had happened?