The Squire on a White Horse

It was Stanley.

Noticing me, he stood up, smiled, and pulled out the chair across from me. He was the last person I wanted to see right now, but I couldn’t find a reason to run away, so I sat down in the chair he pulled.

“Did you know I was coming?”

“I expected you to come as soon as class was over.”

True to his word, Aishe, who Stanley must have called for, brought him a cup of coffee.

When she was ready, Aishe stood near the door as usual, but Stanley looked back at her.

Stanley turned to him and said, “Aishe, I need to talk to her alone for a few minutes.”

So, he seemed to be implying, leave here and don’t come in for a refill or to clean up.

“…I’m all ears.”

A little hesitantly, Aishe bowed and left the room. If it had been any other man than Stanley, she would never have left.

In the greenhouse, we were alone, and I looked at Stanley, who had returned to his normal state.

“Did you listen carefully to Dana’s lesson?”

“…Yes.”

That’s what I was talking about. He’s going to go to the trouble of paying someone to have a heart-to-heart talk with me.

I pressed my body against the backrest. I was not ready for this.

“I’ve taken the liberty of asking Dana to incorporate this into the class, in case My Lady is unsettled by the servant’s words after the recent debacle… this ritual, which I intend to do.”

Again. The joy that made my heart tingle and the guilt many times over.

“I will swear to God as often as I can that I will dedicate myself only to you, My Lady.”

The man who was to become my husband had made me say this much, and I was sure he would keep it. The women of the world would envy me.

And yet, I could not reply. No one was this lucky. And yet.

When I didn’t say anything, Stanley lowered his eyebrows a little.

“I told you the other day. If you have any concerns or requests, please let me know.”

“…Okay.”

I put my fingers on the handle of the cup, but I didn’t have the strength to lift it. My fingertips were trembling.

I opened my chilled lips and squeezed out a scratchy voice.

“The chastity ritual… you don’t have to do it.”

It was probably not the words he had imagined.

A deep crease appeared between Stanley’s brows.

“Are you saying that… My Lady cannot keep her chastity with me?”

“No.”

He shook his head and looked down.

“I can’t give birth to your child. So if you ever want to have a child of your own blood, I’m not going to tell you to have a child with another woman or take that child in. I just wanted to tell you that.”

The truth was, I hated it. I hated it so much I felt like crying. But I had no right to scream about it.

Silence fell. It was a long silence.

I couldn’t stand it, but I didn’t dare look up.

“…Do I look like such a dishonest man?”

What I finally heard was a voice that sounded more depressed than angry.

“I don’t think it’s about dishonesty. It’s human instinct to want a child.”

“No, it’s dishonest.”

“I don’t want to make you unhappy.”

Stanley stood up with his hands on the desk.

I shuddered as I heard a small clink of dishes.