The Stars In Your Eyes

Yu Dong looked at Liu Xiang and Tang Yuxuan with questions in his eyes. But they just shrugged their shoulders, and said nothing. His girlfriend who sits next to him also nudged his hand and she gave him the same question look. Yu Dong could only imitate his friend's gesture, implicitly saying that he knew nothing.

All of them could see Bai Yutang's face very pale, and chew his lunch absentmindedly. To be precise, he kept chewing for more than two minutes. The spoon is just hanging above the food, and it seems Bai Yutang will only finish his lunch at dinner time if he keeps eating at this rate.

Clearly this skinny man had something in his mind, but they could not ask anything. Who has the heart and guts to ask this man, who tries to eat his lunch with slightly red eyes. 

They have their lunch in awkward silence, and even slow their own eating pace. But after they spent more than 40 minutes in this cafeteria, Bai Yutang's lunch still left more than half on his plate. He didn't look like he wanted to finish his lunch.. The others say nothing about that. But they strive to feed this skinny man with delicious food for dinner. They still remember how Bai Yutang got sick and hospitalised two years ago from his imbalance diet and cold weather.

"Do you still have class, TangTang?"

Bai Yutang didn't answer, his mind drifting somewhere else. 

"TangTang.." Tang Yuxuan nudged Bai Yutang's shoulder. It made his skinny friend jump, look at him and answer in a startled voice.

"Uh? I-I'm sorry, I didn't hear your question."

Tang Yuxuan tried to smile and repeat his question in his most gentle tone, "Do you still have class after this? I'll accompany you looking for a place to stay if you don't have any class."

Liu Xiang hurriedly added that statement, afraid if Bai Yutang felt he was unwelcome in their dorm, "Don't worry, just stay with us if you can't find any room for today."

Bai Yutang didn't answer immediately, it seems he tried to focus his own mind. "Umm, I still have classes, finished at 3 o'clock. I'll call you when I'm done."

Tang Yuxuan nodded his head, he didn't say anything else because Liu Xiang was busy stepping on his feet. Seriously, does his roommate was not satisfied with breaking his shinbone? Does he need to break his toes too?

Bai Yutang excuses himself, his class will start soon. The others wave him goodbye with stiff smiles plastered on their face. Once Bai Yutang's shadow was gone behind the cafeteria door, Yu Dong whispered to Liu Xiang.

"What happened?"

Liu Xiang helplessly smiled, "I also know nothing, he doesn't say anything, and i can't ask. Just give him some time."

"What do you mean by looking for a place to stay?" Yu Dong whispered to Tang Yuxuan.

Mu Xiaoya tried to blend herself with the shadows in this cafeteria, unnoticed. But she perks her ear high, trying to listen with all her might.

"It seems he ran away from that wolf's apartment. I told you, that Jian Ge is suspicious. He must be doing something to TangTang, to make him appear at our dorm this morning, dragging his big luggage."

Liu Xiang frowned to hear Tang Yuxuan's comment. "Don't draw your own conclusion. Just give TangTang some time, and let him tell us if he was ready."

Yu Dong's mouth hanging wide, he really didn't understand what happened. His ex-roommate is someone so gentle, and rarely mad at someone. What things could happen until he runs away from Jian Kang Lu? Unfortunately, Yu Dong's imagination is limited to buildings and space. He can't guess anything about human relationships.

"Is it okay to let him like that? We don't need to ask him? Offering our help?" Yu Dong really worried about Bai Yutang.

Liu Xiang nodded, "Remember last year? When he's gone missing? I think if we push him, he'll just shut himself like last year. Better like this, at least we still can watch him nearby."

Mu Xiaoya's mind is chaotic. What happened to her favorite CP??? Will it sink????

Bai Yutang doesn't know how he spent this Christmas day. He keeps thinking about last night's incident. And busy suppressing his own emotion. He doesn't feel hungry, don't feel sleepy, don't feel anything.

But sometimes, when he remembered some fragments of his memories, he had to spend great effort holding his tears. His eyes constantly stinging from the pain inside.

Walking through the pavement outside this faculty building, he remembered how happy he was when he finished his class and walked in light steps, because Jian Kang Lu would fetch him that day. 

Eating the chicken and broccoli stir-fry this lunchtime was enough to remind him how they spent dinner together everyday. Once he cooked chicken and broccoli when he was still an amateur. The broccoli was so hard, and the chicken was too soft. It tastes really weird, too salty. 

But Jian Kang Lu gently told him when he was lamenting his own cook, "I really like this crunchy broccoli. And the chicken is so tender, it won't tucked between my teeth. I like how it tastes. If you don't like it, then let me finish it all."

All those happy memories seem to be sharpest knives, stab his heart. It hurts.

Bai Yutang tried to focus his mind, listen to the lecture, and take notes with his tablet. The tablet given to him as their monthly anniversary gift. He already removed the casing, planned to throw it away. Or just sent it back to the one who gave it. And it also drags his mind to their anniversary moments.

Those happy moments, that he thoughts will last forever, shattered just in a blink of eye.

'Gege, why are you doing this to me?'

That question repeated more than one thousand times in his mind.

"Okay, let us wrap it for today. Wish you good luck for your final exam."

Bai Yutang startled to hear his professor saying those words, and saw his friends stand up. The class finished. He didn't even manage to listen to today's lecture. He sighed, it seems he needed to borrow his friend's note. Usually it was his friends who copied his notes.

When Bai Yutang walks out of the class, he turns on his phone. He had turned it off this whole day, from the morning since he saw Jian Kang Lu called him.

Once he turned it on, his phone vibrated non stop. His WeChat is busy popping the notifications. He checks those dozens of messages, most of it from Jian Kang Lu.

[Baby, did you arrive at your campus? Why didn't you wake me up?]

[TangTang, where's your luggage?]

[TangTang, where are you?]

[Baby, why did you turn off your phone?]

[TangTang, we need to talk. Where are you? I'll come over there.]

[Baby, let's talk. Don't run away from me.]

[Baby, please don't be mad with me. Let's talk first.]

[TangTang, let me explain.]

[Baby, you promise me, that you would not run away from me.]

[Baby, i missed you. Please, just come back.]

[TangTang, please forgive me. Please..]

[TangTang… Please…]

Two parts inside him, he was happy to see this man flustered and begging for his forgiveness. Three parts are sadness, since he reminded once again of the things that happened last night. That two shadows entangled together. He thinks that those memories will haunt him for his lifetime.

Five parts is anger, what's the use of talking and asking for forgiveness? A broken jar could not be whole again, no matter how you fixed it. Jian Kang Lu should never have done that in the first place.

Bai Yutang didn't even finish checking his notification when his phone vibrated. Jian Kang Lu's name showed up on the screen. Bai Yutang halted his step, and stared at his mobile phone.

He used to be very happy every time he saw that name appear on his phone's screen.

Bai Yutang froze in his place, standing in the hall. Amidst the student's walking around, filled the hall with their chatter. Talking about their project, their exams, their plan to spend new year's day. Some talk about the game, or the new movie that became a blockbuster this week.

But in Bai Yutang's world, time stopped. The world stopped. 

The sound is gone. Silence, quiet, mute.

The phone in his hand keeps vibrating, non stop. It already shows 10 missed calls from Jian Kang Lu. And Bai Yutang didn't want to answer. He just waited until this man was tired of calling him. But after some time passed, and the missed call showing it reached 32 missed calls, it didn't stop. It seems this man really wants to spend his time trying to call him.

How could he call Tang Yuxuan in this state? Bai Yutang turns his phone off again, and decides to go to Tang Yuxuan's room. Tried his luck, maybe they didn't go anywhere this afternoon.

When he almost reached the dorm building's area, suddenly a hand grabbed his arms. Bai Yutang startled, for that hand grip his arms tight, hurting him, dragged him to the direction of that someone. He tried to balance himself from that sudden movement, but he didn't manage to steady his body. Bai Yutang can't avoid bumping his body to that someone.

"TangTang, why didn't you answer my call?"

That familiar voice is trembling. Bai Yutang almost can't believe his ear. Is this his hallucination? Why does Jian Kang Lu appear here in the afternoon, on his campus? He should be in the hospital. Today is Tuesday, he should work until night.

"TangTang, why don't you listen to my explanation first? Please?"

Bai Yutang didn't want to raise his head. He doesn't want to see this man's face ever again. Afraid he will just surrender and let this man fool him one more time.

"Can we talk?"

Bai Yutang tried to push the hands who gripped his arms tight. It hurts him.

"Don't run away. Do you want to talk here? Okay. It was not like you think. I'm sorry i was wasted last night, bu.."

Before Jian Kang Lu could talk more, Bai Yutang just yanked that hand as hard as he could. But that hand won't let him go. Bai Yutang sure it hurt Jian Kang Lu's hand, he hit it hard. And he doesn't care.

"Let me go." Bai Yutang's voice trembling, he could not conceal his rage. He really doesn't want to talk to this man. He doesn't want to hear this man's voice again.

"No. I don't mind talking to you here, or hug you here if you don't want to listen to me."

In normal situations, Bai Yutang will care about what people will think when they see two men standing like this in the middle of the dorm's yard. But now he doesn't care if Jian Kang Lu threatens him this way.

"Let me go. Now! I also don't mind shouting here, asking for help."

Both of them quiet for a while, and their heavy breath could be heard. Both of them tried to suppress many emotions they felt inside.

"I don't mind you shouting here. Try me." 

Jian Kang Lu's voice is low, but very stern and a little bit cold. His pleading and pitiful tone from before almost gone.

Bai Yutang tried to kick, and yanked that hand once again. But Jian Kang Lu's power is surprisingly stronger than his. With adrenaline running in his veins, it is supposed to make him stronger. But he still can't get this man to release him.

"Let me go! I warn you. I don't want to hear anything. Not now, ever!"

"No!"

Bai Yutang's pain inside boiling like hot water, like a burning fire, scorching his rationality. All he knew was that he was hurt, he was sad, he was pained. Disappointed. And he wants to make this man feel the same pain as he does.

"I don't want to hear anything from you. It was useless. Let's just break up."

That hand gripped his arms tighter. Bai Yutang can't help but flinch from the pain.

"TangTang, the thing I hate the most is to hear the break up words. Don't ever say that to me. Listen to me first. Talk. Like adults."

"Then I'm not an adult. You're free to find an adult that suits your taste."

"TangTang!"

"Let me go!"

This time, Bai Yutang almost shouted. Both of their breaths are even heavier now. Their chest goes up and down rapidly, struggles to breath.

Finally Bai Yutang could hear Jian Kang Lu sighed, and try to bring his gentle tone back.

"Okay, I'll give you time. Let me know once you are ready to talk. Please TangTang, I don't want us to break up. Ever."