The Stars In Your Eyes

Bai Yutang sat on the bench, staring and scrolling the pages in his mobile phone. He just realised how hard it is to find a cheap accommodation in B city. His university dorm is the best option, but since he takes a break this semester, he can't rent the dorm there.

The last summer sun in the B city is mild, but the humidity is high. Bai Yutang could feel his sweat rolling in his back, and wiped his forehead. The lazy sun will use all summer energy left to wither the leaves in the trees, and the autumn will soon come again.

He already called the university and met his counselor two weeks ago. His counselor gave him his condolences, and said the best option is to apply for a scholarship. Even though it's late already, he could take a break this semester and wait for his scholarship grant. He can start to continue his study next semester.

Bai Yutang looks at the buildings surrounding him, and stares at the sky. He knows he can't stay in W city.. How he could tell his mother now after what she's going through, that they might don't have enough money for him to finish his studies. 

His mother was already heartbroken. She was sick for one week after her father's funeral. In the end, her mother agreed to stay for a while with her parents and her little brother.

With that arrangement, Bai Yutang discussed it with his sister, and Bai Yuren agreed to rent a dorm near her university. It's also easier for her compared to going back and forth from their empty house to the university.

Bai Yutang asks her mother how much she needs for the living cost. But her mother said it was not necessary. She still has some money, and his uncle also promised him that they still can manage to take care of her mother.

Bai Yutang was relieved to hear that. He needs to save as much as he can. He already talked to Bai Yuren and gave her 2,000 yuan per month, including the dorm rent and all other costs she needed. The living cost in W city is not as high as in B city.

Bai Yuren didn't ask him anything even though that's the same amount with her pocket money in high school, nor telling him that the money is not enough. She obediently nodded her head and said, "Thank you Ge.."

Bai Yutang feels bad towards his sister, he knows that his father used to pamper his only daughter with utmost care and like a princess. But he can't do anything about that.

Bai Yutang could hear his stomach rumbling. He only ate one meatbun this morning. For a student who never needs to save his money to eat, he really feels that he was raised in a bubble. Protected for his whole life And now he finally feels what it feels if you're hungry but you can't buy food, for fear you'll run out of money.

Bai Yutang sighed, and looked back to his mobile phone. He needs to find a room rent under 600 yuan per month in B city. But this city is expensive. No appropriate room rented with that amount. He looks at the university building in front of him. All the apartments near the university ask for 1000 - 2000 yuan per month. And that's a small apartment.

Looking at those prices that he used to think it was cheap, now like a luxury he can't afford. Bai Yutang steeled his heart, even if the room is so bad, he only needs to stay there for six month. It doesn't matter. As long as he can do his work in that room.

He needs to find a job. That's also his counselor advice. To make money in this six month. That way, he can save his capital and have enough savings to support his study for the next two years. His counselor promised him to give him the side project if he has any.

So after two weeks strolling in B city looking for a room. Bai Yutang finally settled with a 3 x 3 room in this small hostel. The location is quite far from the university. The hostel has eight bedrooms with shared bathrooms and kitchen. The building is old and lousy. The paint already has some moulds in the corner.

When he first saw the hostel, he clenched his fist. Definitely a bad choice for him who is accustomed to a clean and bright environment. But the price is just 500 yuan per month. And they provide the hot water in the bathroom, also free drinking water in the kitchen. There's no better option for him right now.

The neighbourhood also seems safe enough, even though the hostel is located in a small alley. Bai Yutang didn't plan to go out often. At least he noticed there are some mini markets and cheap food stalls around. He needs to press his meal cost under 1000 yuan per month.

Today after he settled with the landowner, he put his luggage in the room. After he finished cleaning the room, he started to unpack his things. When finished, he laid down his tired body in the small bed. It has creaking sounds.

He looked at his mobile phone, and saw another missed call from Jian Ge. He doesn't want to answer it. The new term will start next week, near the Mid Autumn festival. His friends also ask him in the group when he will come back to the B city. He didn't answer them.

He also doesn't know why he hid the fact that he took a break this semester from his friends. Or why he didn't reply to those tons of messages from Jian Ge.

Maybe deep inside his heart, he doesn't want them to pity him. Or he doesn't want them to see him at his lowest point. Maybe he doesn't want to hear their offer to help him. He doesn't know. Or maybe he was just ashamed that he was not an ordinary student anymore.

He's just a poor student now. 

He will tell them later if he could go back to the university after his scholarship was granted. If they still want to hear him and befriends him like they used to.

He remembered one month ago, one night before he was going back to B city by train, he was staring at his phone looking at the call log and messages. He just realised how much he depends on Jian Ge. He called him many times, including when his father died. Resulted in Jian Ge rushing to B city, came to the funeral and accompanied him for two days.

He was ashamed. If he stays like this, when can he grow up and be a great man like his father. Become an inspiring person like Jian Ge. He can't be strong if he always depends on someone.

He also remembers Mu Xiaoya and those girls said about him and Jian Ge. How they think that Jian Ge always takes care of him. He's a man. He's the one who had to take care of his important person around him. So why did he always call Jian Ge for support?

Or maybe he was just ashamed. He already had low esteem before when he compared himself with Jian Ge. Even with previous wealth and protection from his father, he feels like he can't stand equal as Jian Ge's friends. A great man who always has other great friends. Just look at Zhen Guo as an example. Best architect of the year three times in a row.

And now? Without the wealth, he feels like a speckle of dust. Can't even compare with Jian Ge's fingertips.

That's how Bai Yutang shut himself from the outside. He didn't reply to his friend's messages, he didn't answer their calls. They sent them angry messages after they started the semester and found Bai Yutang didn't register for this semester.

Jian Ge's messages and calls still come every day. Asking the same thing.

'Are you okay?'

'Where are you?'

'What happened to you?'

'Please just answer my call.'

Those four lines repeated day by day. Bai Yutang didn't answer any of them.

Bai Yutang got his first job from his counselor. Small 3D rendering worth 500 yuan of payment, and also a sketch for a small house renovation worth 1000 yuan. He finished the job in less than 2 weeks. Too bad the job offer does not regularly come.

He also contacted his professor, asking if he had any job offer for him again. His professor might have heard about his situation, or maybe not. His professor just promised to contact him if he or his friends have any job for him. He says thank you and will wait for the good news.

Just like that, September is almost over. The green flags of the trees outside his hostel have become sepia toned, waving in the gentle wind. Within the multitude of soft chocolatey browns, gleaming with golden touch.

Bai Yutang didn't just wait for the jobs from his counselor and professor, but he actively searched for any sketching and 3D rendering job from the forum and internet. The payment is small, only 50 - 100 yuan per job offering. But he still takes some if any job offered in his scope of capability.

He's glad to manage this month without touching his savings. From what he earned, he can still save 600 yuan this month.

He lives frugally. He didn't go outside to have some fun. Fun is only a luxury money could afford. He preferred to holed up in his room and save money as much as he could. 

He saves the data in his mobile phone by stopping all his games and social media. He only eats twice a day. Buns in the morning and rice in the afternoon. He really likes the fried rice in the food stall near his dorm. With only 10 yuan he can eat one big plate of fried rice with scrambled eggs.

The uncle in the food stall remembers him well. Because he came almost everyday. He always appeared when the stall opened at 5 pm. Ordering the same menu. Because it's the cheapest and eating at 5 pm means he can ease his hunger from missing lunch, and also stay full until night.

Bai Yutang realised his clothes were getting bigger and loosely hung on his body. His bangs already covering his eyes, and the tip of short hair in the back now scratching his nape. But he didn't want to spend another money just for cutting his hair. He wonders maybe he can ask his neighbour to do that.

Sometimes Bai Yutang meets the hostel resident in the kitchen when he fetches some water. One of his neighbours he often met is a 23 years old guy working as a waiter in the restaurant, and the other one is a store attendant. Their working place didn't offer any place for them to stay, but giving higher salary.

Some of the other residents didn't make any conversation with him, so he also just silently drank the water without saying anything. He wasn't really comfortable when these people asked him what he was doing here in B city.

The young store attendant comes from a small prefecture in the south, he likes to talk. He's the one that wants to speak for more than five sentences with him. Bai Yutang only answers that he's an illustrator searching for a job here in B city.

Bai Yutang decided to ask him later to help him cut his hair. He doesn't mind having an amateur cut his hair. He no longer really cares what he looks like if it means he could save more money.

Bai Yutang called his mother twice a week. He's glad to hear his mother now could speak in a normal tone. His mother spent most of her time in Bai Yutang's grandparent house. The house that his father bought for her wife's family. It really made Bai Yutang miss his father more.

His father is a man that loves his wife, and only his wife, for a lifetime.

He loves her, cherishes her, protects her, and also takes care of his wife's family. To show his gratitude for allowing him to take their pearl away. His father shows them that he treats this pearl like the most valuable treasure in the world. He's doing his best to show his love.

Even Bai Yutang missed his father so much, he could not imagine what it felt like for his mother. To lose someone that adores her that much, to lose someone who shields her from anything bad in the world.

That's why he called her regularly. He could not call often. Other than to save the phone bill, he also avoids his mother's suspicion. Because once when he calls her often, his mother asks why the back sound is different from usual, and why she never heard Yu Dong greet her like usual.

Bai Yutang don't want to add more wariness to his mother. He only told her that Yu Dong have a girlfriend now and often going out to meet his girlfriend. Bai Yutang feels like he become an expert liar now. He told his mom not to worry too much, and apologise he can't going home on Mid Autumn festival last time.

He's the only man in his family now. If he can't take care of his mother well, how could he answer to his father later when he finally meets his father in the after world. He had to be the man who could protect the women in his family. Just like what his father did.