The Tears of a Prince

https://open.spotify.com/track/0u2P5u6lvoDfwTYjAADbn4?si=3334886baf1b4b92

TW: mention of suicide, self harm

He stood up, after hours of crying and hating himself he found the strength in him to stand. There was blood everywhere, red spots on the soft carpet, red spots on the shards of the glass but he didn't feel any pain, in just a few minutes he was feeling alright again, in just a few minutes the physical pain that helped him cope with this disaster had left him too. At least when he was human he could just stop it all, now he was stuck, stuck in time with an immortal life and an immortal pain because this torture would continue, life after life, death after death he was doomed to be in love with someone that would never want him. 

His eyes widened, petrified at the realization of his eternit and parted his lips. A scream escaped his throat, a sound filled with anguish and terror. He was already grieving his next lives, he was already mourning for the fact that he was meant to be unhappy, again and again and again with no end. 

"No, this is not possible, this can't be it. I…I'd rather die." he mumbled as he looked around, manic to find a way to end it all. He wouldn't be able to handle it, a life filled with misery? A life? Many lives, a vicious circle. He wanted to die, someone should release him from this torture, someone should just simply take this pain away because he, he couldn't handle it. 

He wrapped his hands around his neck, he tried to suffocate himself, he filled a bathtub with water and he tried to drown, he split his head open by smacking it hard on the wall but he was still alive. He was still alive! 

"Just let me die already" he cried, sliding on the wall and finding himself on the ground again, where he belonged. He wasn't strong enough to deal with one rejection, how could he keep going, how could he keep seeing him? John sighed, smacking his face. "There is only one way…" he mumbled to himself.

Actually there were two ways, one of them would be cutting his head off and the other, ripping off his heart. The first one being too difficult he chose the latter, looking at how his claws came forwards, sharp and long, a part of him that he didn't even have the time to explore and he bit his lip. He couldn't live with this, he couldn't handle the pain of this heart that had already been through so much, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath when he pulled his arm, reading himself to finally end it all. Just one swift move, fast and painless and everything would be over, he would be over.

He didn't make it though, a sudden knock on his door stopped him and he flinched, surprised by the unexpected sound. He looked at the barrier that separated him with his unwanted visitor. Whoever was would leave, he didn't want to see anyone. The knocking didn't stop though, it kept going and going until John heard a voice.

"John, it's me, Soran, please open up." a pleading voice was heard and the young werewolf looked at the door bug eyed. 

Don't go, don't open the door! His mind screamed at him but it seemed that his heart had taken control. As if he was on auto pilot he twisted the doorknob and revealed his pitiful self to Soran. The white haired man stepped in, noticing immediately the broken glass on the floor. 

"What is that?" he asked him and with a dead stare John, figured out what he was talking about.

"I accidentally broke the mirror" he told him, with no hint of emotion.

"And why is there blood on your forehead?" 

"I accidentally smacked my head to the wall." 

"You don't accidentally smack your head to the wall."

"I do."

"John…"

"Why are you here?" he asked, wanting this meeting to be over as soon as possible. He used to look at Soran and feel like he was alive, like the world was not such a nasty place anymore but now, as he stared at his angelic face he felt like a failure, noticing everything that he had ever done wrong in his life. 

"I think we need to talk." 

"Talk about what?"

"You know, about what you told me. You and I being mates" Soran said, rubbing the back of his neck. He was feeling uncomfortable, John noticed and he couldn't help but scoff. Being loved by him made him feel uncomfortable, his life was a cruel joke, nothing more. 

"It's okay, I know you have no intention of being with me." 

"I…I need to explain to you. I don't want you to think that…"

"I don't care."

"Please listen to me. I am sorry, I am really sorry that things came to be this way. I am sorry I was cruel to you without knowing why and I am sorry that I can accept your feelings. That doesn't have to do with you though, it has to do with me. Even though I've given up I don't think I can ever stop loving Kai, I can't be with you like this. Not if it's a lie. You really are great John, a very nice person, good looking and very kind so I don't want to think that all this is going wrong because of you I just…"

"I said it's okay. This was just a mishap of fate. It doesn't matter, no one died from a broken heart. Don't feel bad about it…"

"I think it would be better if we took some time away from each other, just so…" Soran began saying and John laughed.

"I don't want to be around you either, don't worry." he told him and Soran sighed.

"That's not what I meant."

"I do not care what you meant. The outcome is the same, it won't change if you're nice to me or if you're being mean so all this is pointless. I won't bother you again, I do get the situation very well so you can go." John announced, holding the door open for him. 

"John, I am really sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry, you're making me feel pitiful. Now go."

"If you ever need…"

"Go!" the werewolf said, raising the tone of his voice. Soran looked at him with sad eyes, turning his back and walking away, not a thought on his mind about accepting John's feelings. He closed the door carefully, he didn't want to make any noise and alert the vampire, make him return and have him look at him with that worried expression as if he was looking at a troubled child. 

John exhaled, his plans of ending it all being put to an end he looked at the bed suddenly wanting to sleep. He laid down, hiding himself under the covers. 

"You being nice to me, makes everything worse"  he whispered as he closed his eyes, replaying the melody and the lyrics of his favorite song in his mind.

Isn't it lovely, all alone?