The Tears of a Prince

Song of the day: Hurts like hell - Fleurie

Love hurts, the weakness and the awareness that comes from it makes you want to simply disappear. He felt helpless, sitting there waiting for someone to actually give him a way to help him. He was a coward, he knew that already, he had been reminded of it so many times and he hated that part of himself more than anything else but he couldn't do better. No matter how many times he had tried, no matter how hard he tried to make that step something was always keeping him back, something, everytime pulled him back as if he had a rope tied around his waist that stopped him from taking that step further. 

That's why Xan stood in his mother's study silent as he heard her whine about everything. She had papers in front of her, laws sprawled out while she read them again and again trying to find a way to take Kai out of this whole matter while for Lun, she didn't care at all. 

"Please save him." he was screaming inside him. "Please do something, help me. Mum" he begged but no words would come out. He was too scared to even think about telling her any of this. He knew what would await him, maybe she would have him killed even faster if she knew. 

"This kid really, what could he possibly have done to anger one of these wolves so much?" the queen sighed, sitting back in her chair. Her study room was small. She found comfort in small spaces when she needed to focus. A black wooden desk with a red velvet chair while quills had been broken all over from her agitation. There was also a small simple couch for when she needed to rest in her endless nights of working while books filled all of her walls. Economics, history, diplomacy, law, nothing fun really, only books she needed to study. "It's a good thing that Lun decided to take the blame, maybe I can shift this to him and not make Kai look guilty." she mumbled and Xan's eyes widened. 

He was going to die. Lun was really going to get killed. A voice screamed in his head and his hands started shaking. He brought them behind his back, scared his mother would notice. Sweat started dripping from his temples, cold and disturbing while his heart was racing. He would die, they would really get him executed. 

"What do you think, how should we get Kai out of this?" Cecilia asked her son, still reading one of the texts she had in front of her. Lun did not answer, he couldn't since all he could think about was Lun. Every thought, every loud heartbeat in his chest, the anxiety he felt it was all because of Lun. Because he loved him and because he didn't know how to love him properly. Because once again when it was important he would lose the self he had found when he was with him. "Xan? What's wrong with you?" The queen asked him, turning her head and seeing her son stand there like a terrified statue, his blue eyes wide, his white hair damp with sweat in the edges. 

"Mother…" Xan said, his voice trembling. 

"I am asking you what we should do after Lun dies. We can't just leave this to go around. People will be talking about Kai again and then…"

"Mother!" The crown prince exclaimed, raising his tone for the first time at her. Cecilia looked at him stunned. 

"What is it? There is no need to shout."

"About Lun…"

"What about him?"

"Can't we…save him?" he asked her. He had finally said it.

"Why would you care about saving Lun, Xan?" the queen asked, a suspicious look on her face. "I thought you hated him." 

"I did but…he is Kai's best friend. Kai will be furious and he will cause even more trouble in the end. He will definitely mess with the treaties. It will be a mess."

"Kai will understand. Lun offered to do it himself anyways." 

He did not understand. Xan was the one who felt like he would throw up. He felt as if everything was spinning, an annoying ringing sound in his ears. I can't let him die, I can't let him die…his thoughts went insane, his heart begging for him to do something. The shaking wouldn't stop, the fear he felt as his mother looked at him getting bigger and bigger like a monster that was always fed. A dark shadow looming over him, ominous, ready to rip him to shreds the moment he accepted and revealed his true feelings. 

"Xan… what has gotten into you? Why do you look like this?" his mother asked him. She couldn't miss it. How pale he had been all this time, the slight tremor of his body or the sweat that gathered in his temples. It was obvious that something was wrong with him. 

"Please…" Xan whined, tears gathering in his blue eyes and the woman looked at him shocked, as if she had been hit by lightning. She hadn't seen him cry in years. "I am begging you please, help me save Lun. I will do anything, no matter what you ask me, just don't let him die." Lun begged her, the salty tears leaving the blue orbs and trailing depressed paths down his handsome face, hanging by his chin before they landed on the dark red carpet. 

"Xan, you and Lun…"

"I love him, mother, so please I beg you don't let them kill him. He didn't do it. You know it wasn't him. Lun is good, he is really good so please, please help me. I can't lose him." he told her. It was as if a weight was lifted off his chest and he could finally breathe. There was no turning back now, no hiding how he truly felt, there was no perfect crown prince anymore, that image he had tried so hard to keep alive for centuries had just died, shattered like an old mirror that was dropped to the floor. 

"You can't be serious!" Cecilia shouted. "Out of all the people, men and women in the kingdom, it had to be him? Lun!"

"Yes! It had to be him." Xan shouted back. "I love him, I have always loved him and I made his life a living hell because I was scared of you! I've hurt him…again and again but I can not let him die, I will not let him die but you're the only one that can help me…so for the first time in my life I am asking for your help, please." 

"You were scared of me?" Cecilia asked her son and Xan nodded. "You can have any other person. Not the son of the drug lord, any other person than the leader of the Alleys, please Xan you have always been a logical child so why can't you think this through?" 

"Love has no logic mother, don't you know that yourself? Why are you still with father when all he has ever done is leave us? It's because you love him so…" he told her, his tears coming again and again non stop as he fell to his knees, the crown prince, throwing away his golden pride, the title he so adored as he felt the floor touch his legs, as he looked at his mother as nothing more than a man in loved and begged her, begged her to spare Lun's life. "So please just keep him alive, I can't lose another person I love, I won't be able to handle it, mum please. Help me, I am your son" he told her and the queen looked at him, sighing. Her child, yes, Xan was her child. 

She didn't say anything, she just turned around, her green eyes landing on the drawers of the desk. Opening one of them Xan heard the sound of metal. She took out an old and rusty key, showing it to him.

"Take it. This is the key to the cells. You can free Lun with it tonight and help him escape but you will have to do it all on your own. I won't be helping you more than this and…" she continued before she handed him the key. "...he will stay away, hidden, he will never step foot in the palace again, he will be a wanted criminal."

"Mother…"

"You said you wanted him alive.That's it. I will give you this key if you accept my offer."

"I will take it." Xan told her, without a second thought. As long as Lun would be alive. He would accept anything. "Thank you." 

...

I cried during this chapter, don't ask me why. Hope you enjoy the book this far! Thanks for reading!