The Undefined Love

Hearing Deming blaming himself for his incapability, Lifen was all guilty for thinking her previous actions righteous. She had thought that keeping her identity from childhood a secret, she was just preventing him from the pain of self – guilt, but never expected that her decision wouldn't help rather make it more worse.

Every word that was coming out of his lips were making her feel the equal pain of disappointment he was feeling in his heart. No, she never wanted this.

Though her mind was warning her not to turn around to face him, her heart was urging her to try her best to make him understand her thoughts that made her compel her to hide.

Giving in to the urge of her heart, she turned to look at him and as she thought he was standing there, looking at her with his eyes that held self – blame.

"Deming, you should listen to me first. Okay? You can't blame yourself like that. There was nothing you did wrong. The thing that made everything go wrong was the situation. I never thought it would turn like this", she said trying to reach him.

But before her hand could even reach her, he moved backwards preventing her to touch him, "So I wasn't wrong. You are accepting it that you are the little girl from the past, accepting that all this time you knew all these but still loved to look making me fool out of myself"

He was mocking himself with his words. There were tons of accusations he has in his heart for himself and also for the woman who has pretended to not know anything all this time.

Lifen felt her heart squeeze when he felt his sudden indifference. Her eyes instantly felt the tears of regret that her heart was feeling inside. "It's not like that. Please, please listen to me once. I never knew you will blame yourself like this. I was just trying to protect you from…." Her words weren't even complete when she heard him chuckle.

She did not know for whom it was directed but it made the situation tenser than before.

"To protect me! Huh? Really? But why am I feeling the pain of backstabbing. If it was to protect me then there shouldn't be any pain. Right?" saying this he stepped forward, closer to her, staring deep into her eyes.

Lifen lowered her eyes, not able to face his eyes that were now accusing her. Tears that were acc.u.mulated in her eyes dropped down without any care. But none were being noticed,

"Why am I feeling the pain more worse than the pain I have felt when I lost my parents? Why? Answer me", he asked, lifting her chin up so that she answered him looking into his eyes.

"I never knew that it would turn out in this way. I was about to tell you everything at the right time but before I could, you already knew everything", she said.

"So there is still a feeling of regret in your heart that I came to know everything this early. Right time? What would be the right time for me to know this?" he asked with a low growl.

Lifen shook her head trying to deny his words but he was not in a mood to listen to a single word from her. At this moment, no reason made sense to him. He felt like he was cheated.

"Do you know when I realized my feelings for you for the first time, I blamed myself for breaking the promise that I made years ago. I felt like a cheater. But still I accepted that and took as my priority, my feelings for you as the priority", he said and remembered the day when he confessed his feelings for her.

He still remembers how hard he urged her to accept him and forgive him, but she didn't. "But you, what did you do? You asked me to forget you and marry some other woman because I promised her. Was it that simple for you to let me go, just like that. That wasn't the right time for you to reveal it was you to whom I have promised those words?"

She shook her head again, "No I did not know at that time that you were fulfilling the promise that you have made to me. I thought you were…"

"You thought? I never hid my name from you. You always knew it. Even when we first met and also when we met again after my return. It was you whom I have to find. I thought it was a game that you wanted to play when you were child. I didn't know that you would take it as a competition and will let me go away if I failed" he said and then turned his back to her.

When she heard him say it like that she really felt that it was her who was wrong. She should have asked him when for the first time she felt doubt in him. She shouldn't have made her own conclusions, thinking he would have forgotten her. She should have cleared it when it was time. If done at the right time, then nothing like this would happen.

"I know I have many chances to clear things with you and it's my fault. I accept it. But how do you think I would have asked you when you have clearly broken my heart and trust telling me that there was someone else in your life? How do you think, I would have believed that you haven't forgotten the promise you made to me years ago when you were clearly announcing your intimate relation with some other woman?" She tried to justify herself.

Though she knew she was responsible for all this to a great extent, she also knew that everything can't be blamed on her.

Deming knew this fact too but sometimes true facts aren't capable of solving everything one feels. And this was happening with him too. None of her reasons were making sense to him.

He was about to say something when his phone rang. He looked at his phone and picked it up without even looking at the number. He knew it would not be good to talk to her in a situation like this. Nothing good will come.

"What is it?" he asked in a cold annoyed tone.

"Bo – Boss I didn't mean to disturb you", it was her secretary on the other side. Hearing her boss's cold annoyed tone, she was prepared to get buried in her grave. She didn't know what made her boss this angry but he was angry to the limit where even without any mistake, people would be sent to hell.

"Get straight to the point", he snarled in a low voice, looking at the woman who was still staring at him and with the eyes that were justifying her reasons. He didn't want to scare her. Even if he was mad at her, there was no way he would want her to be scared.

At the end of the day, he knew himself very well. His anger will not be lasting more than his love for her. Sooner or later this topic will be disappearing in the air. The only important fact that would be left behind will be her being the little girl with whom he has shared his most sweet memories of childhood.

But at this moment, he wanted to breathe fresh air that would cool his mind and let him take in everything in a bright positive light.

"Boss, Ms. Long is here. She is asking to see you", Qi Yuirong said with a slight shiver in her voice.  Even from the other side of the call, she can feel the dark air her boss was exuding.

Hearing the name of the person who was the root cause of all things, Deming felt an urge to see someone's blood. There was no way she will be forgiven for what she has done. Before he didn't knew that who was the actually the girl from his childhood, that's why the anger inside him given her a mild torture.

But now knowing that it was Lifen, there would not be any punishment now. She was the reason that caused so much ruckus in their life. There is no way in which she would be spared.

"Tell her, I am not in a mood to meet her", he said with gritted teeth enough to let Lifen guess about whom he was talking about.

"But sir, she is saying that she won't be leaving until she gets to meet you. She is even blaming you for…for breaking some promise" she said with some hesitation.

Promise! She still has the guts to bring that up! She has asked for her own death now!

"Tell her to wait then. I will let her be clear with the words I have said to her earlier and what punishment will one get if they try to defy them", he seethed in anger

"Ask the pilot to keep my private jet ready. Will be flying back in the next half an hour?". He said and disconnected the call and without saying another word, he picked up his jacket and left.