The Undefined Love

When Deming returned to the room to find Lifen back, she was not there. He searched the whole room for her and at the end caught her hiding in the closet, sobbing alone looking at a picture frame.

Seeing her in such a vulnerable state, his heart ached. Walking to her, he asked crouching down on the floor. "Little Cat! Don't give yourself so much pain. You, yourself, know that it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself like this" he said as his fingers went to caress her hairs softly.

But her sobbing did not stop. She still cried looking at the picture as if demanding the people inside to give her the explanation, she was demanding for.

"Little Cat, are you hearing me? Don't blame yourself. You are not at the fault", he said as he extended the glass water to her which she had ignored at first. "Here … drink this water first. Don't give yourself forced pain."

Lifen lifted her eyes to look at the man, who had come to her emotional rescue. Though she needed his support; needed him by her side but still at this moment his words were not doing any good to her. "Deming, you know I was so alone. I was not able to take the fact that my parents have left me all alone in this world. I have cried a lot but yet never let grandfather and butler grandpa discover it"

"I have never let them know how much I missed my parents. No one was there to help me out. I was suffering from trauma. Grandpa left his office to accompany me. I won't say that he did not do his best; he definitely did but I still missed my mother's love and care. Her place was something no one was able to take. Isn't it the same in the life of every child at their young age?"

Deming looked at her and nodded. "Yes, it's the same. No one can replace their place in your life. But Lifen that was in the past. Don't think about it now, especially when it's giving you pain"

Lifen looked at him and shook her head in denial. "No, I want to recall everything once again. I want to remember all of my pains once for all, so that I can finally move on. I want to forget everything and never turn to look back at it. I want to forget everything once and for all"

"Fine … tell me everything then. I will listen to everything you say. If that can make you feel better then go for it" he said, taking a good comfortable position on the floor.

Lifen nodded and decided to live all those memories from the past once again. "You know the best woman I have ever known in my life then it was no other than my mother. She has loved me so much. See isn't she beautiful. She was the best. She has always accompanied me and treated me the best"

She said pointing towards the woman in the photograph she was holding in her hands. The woman in the picture was really beautiful with long black hair. No similarity between her and Lifen can be seen yet the emotions of love and happiness in the picture was enough to define the mother – daughter relationship between them.

"And now I am coming to know that we did not share the same blood. How can that be possible? Was all that love and care … was everything between us fake and false. Look at the pictures we have together. We have so many pictures. She has always loved to capture our memories into picture, so we have many. Let me show you" she said as she fidgeted through different picture albums.

"This was when I was going to my school and she was braiding my hair. She always said that she really liked my braided hair. So she braided my hair herself. Never letting the maid to touch me"

"And this one, this was from the day when we celebrated grandpa's birthday all among ourselves, without throwing any grand party. We have really enjoyed the day" she said and continued showing different pictures from different photo albums.

Deming also looked through every picture. He had always thought to ask her about her childhood. And now really hearing her share all her memories from back then, he was having mixed feelings.

As Lifen was explaining the pictures, her mood was getting better and better. A smile has started creeping up her lips as she shared some funny incidents from the frame too. It was all fine until she reached the last picture. Her voice got struck in her throat when her eyes fell on the picture of her birthday.

The man looked at her and asked, "And this … isn't this from your birthday."

She nodded. "Yes, it's the same day that the accident has happened. The day when I lost them. You know for a moment, I blamed myself for it. If not my stubbornness from that day, then probably this accident might not have happened"

She said as her memories went back to look at that day. It was her 7th birthday, and she was really excited for it.

"Xiao LiLi, come here! Let me get you ready. Then we can go and cut your birthday cake. Come fast, or you would be late", a woman dressed in a light evening gown said entering Lifen's room.

"Mama, I think with this dress, my flowy hair looks better. I can just put a hair band on it and I will be all ready", little Lifen said, while looking herself in the mirror.

"No, sweetheart. You look better with a braid. Come here and let Mama put your hair in a different style braid. You will definitely love it" the woman said as she took her graceful steps to her.

"Okay Mama, then make my braid similar to yours. Then we will look more alike to each other. I would look as beautiful and lovely as you", she said and then happily sat on the dressing stool to let her mother braid her hair.

"Why you want to look like me? You look like your father. Isn't that great?" the woman said with a smile as she partitioned the strands of the hair to braid it.

"Yes, Mama. It's good that I look like dad. But it would be better to look like you. Most of the girls in my class look like their mothers. That way you would love me more" Little Lifen said looking at her more lovingly. Her mother was so beautiful. She would obviously love to look like her.

Hearing her words, the woman smiled and asked in a soft tone, "Don't I love you enough now? Did you feel that I am not?"

Shaking her head, the little girl said, "No, no, Mama. You love me a lot already. But my friends said that it will increase more if the children turned out to look like the mother".

"It's nothing like that sweetheart! Even if you don't look like me, I will still love you more and more because you are my daughter whom I love the most. How can my love get changed just because of your facial features? Mothers are not like that. They will always love their children, no matter what. Same like I love you. Do you understand? And furthermore, looking like your father has its own benefit. Do you know what?" she asked as she tied her braid tail with a cute rubber band.

Little Lifen shook her head in denial. "No, Mama … I don't know what's the benefit of looking like a father?"

"Of course looking like your father has its own advantages. First of all it brings good fate and future for the daughters and the second is that it will only increase my amount of love for you every day."

"How so?"

"I love you and your father both right" she asked and looked at her. The little girl nodded.

"Then of course, you look like your father will bring bonus points to you. Do you get the logic now? Don't share it with anyone. This is a secret that should be kept hidden" saying that the woman zipped her lips with her fingers and Little Lifen too repeated her action.

"What's the secret you are hiding? Huh?" soon came a voice of the man as he entered the room with two small brocade boxes in his hands.

"We won't tell you Dad. It's my and mama's secret. We can't reveal it to you", the little girl said as she hugged her mother's waist laughingly.

"Then who will take these paired gifts. I bought this for both mother and daughter but seems like no one wants it. My dear is kicking her own Dad out from the group, just to preserve a secret. What a pain!" Lifen' father said as he showed a deliberate pained expression on his face.

"Hehe Dad, don't be dramatic. I won't reveal the secret and about the gift that's for my birthday. So that's my right to get. Just give me", she said, extending both of her hands out. But then suddenly, she pulled her hand back.

"What happened? Don't you want it now?" her father asked.

"No Dad, I want something else. After cutting the cake, let's go to the Fountain Park", she said with a big smile on her face.