The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Just stop chasing us, please!

Chases in real life are stressful and boring!

It's just people running one after another.

[Can't you guys just chill?!!!]

"If your mercenary company surrenders, we will! You will have peaceful deaths. How about it?"

Or so replies the spokesperson on their side. Somehow he can run at full speed and keep such countenance.

Still, I'm surprised he actually answered me.

Wait?! He said something about our mercenary group….

[Heard that?! Fucking told you! They are not here for me they are here for you guys! I am totally innocent!]

*The mercenary leader grumbling something about now not being the time*

Somehow, I feel great satisfaction knowing that I am not the one (specifically) they want dead. Well, it would be even more satisfying if we could actually get out of this alive too.

Fuck stop pursuing us already!

I can think of many plans already!

Number one: trip a colleague for him to <<volunteer>> heroically to stall them. You know as you would do in case of a bear attack. No need to be fast, just need to be the fastest of the bunch. A bad plan since the guys on my side are actually pretty cool and the enemy already decided to off us all as a group.

Number 2: Offer to pay them more than their employer for letting us live! Might have worked if I wasn't broke as fuck. I can always bluff? It likely wouldn't work.

Number 3: Pray to any god hoping for them to intervene. Okay, I and the gods don't go well along so far. Yep, no way.

Number 4: Keep running and just hope for any kind of miracle. I would be truly happy with something even as simple as a meteorite falling on their heads and annihilating them all. Or maybe even more simple? It can be something more likely to happen such as all of them dying of a heart attack all at once.

Who am I kidding? No way this will happen.

Fuck, think,…think….

"I see something there! What is that in front?!"

Oh my god! A freaking miracle! Right in front is a purple glowing portal!

How does it work? Where does it lead? No fucking clue!

But so what?! Between death and a mysterious adventure, I'm gonna opt for choice #2. For sure!

[I don't know but let's go in there asap! I do not want to die just yet!]

What is the worst that can happen? The frame seems to be made of fancy but quite normal stone. Not obsidian! We are good! Wouldn't want to get sent to a fiery hell with flying squids. These things terrify me!

0_0

We rush in!

All of us!

I mean, of course, no dumbass is gonna decide to go 1 v 50 after us running this far.

Thus the portal takes us away. Hopefully, we will be fine, no matter what awaits us on the …..

On no. I just remembered something. Quick I need to ….

*BARFFFFFF*

Too late…

*BARRFFF X16! (There are 10 mercenaries no?!)*

The ground quickly becomes filled with vomit.

The odor is nauseating.

It only exacerbates the issue. People start throwing up again.

The floor becomes wet with some hideous mixture of sweat, tears, mysterious monster meat half-digested, and gastric acid.

I see people slipping as they lose their footing.

This scene is extremely revolting. This new transportation method screwed up everyone.

This is bad we are in no way to fight off our pursuers now!

That is what I am thinking, but then they prove me wrong.

Comes a steady and powerful voice.

"Men! Old formation. Bloody guillotine!"

The captain is issuing this order calmly. With poise.

I can barely blink that the warriors in front of me straighten their backs.

Like a blade leaving its sheath. Their indomitable will can be felt. Giving the impression that only death awaits anyone daring enough to face them. In front of such a killing machine, there is no escape. Only submission.

I do get a glimpse of that.

But then, I see their messed-up clothing. The soil covering their armor in their failed attempts to wipe it. The sweat and the sickly appearance. The eyes that have trouble staying focused despite their will.

Finally, the vomit still adorning the corner of their mouths tops it off.

These guys are in no condition to fight at all.

If anything, I'm the one that has it the best of the lot. It isn't my first time teleporting like so. I even managed to swallow most of it back. Wolfie actually seems fine for some reason, but she can't fight either way.

"As soon as our opponents appear don't give them a second of respite and end them."

He can still calmly encourage the troops in such a situation….no wait?! So what if we are in horrible shape? We are still standing! (Albeit barely). This is actually great. Time for a motivational speech!

[Listen up people! We may be in bad shape, but these fuckers will have it way worse! As soon as they start barfing use the opportunity and chop their heads off! Their last moment will be spent in a pile of their own vomit cursing their foolishness for opposing us! Fuck them all up! Who's with me! FUCK THEM UP!]

"Fuck them up?"

"Fuck them up!"

"FUCKING END THEM!"

"Make them swim in a pool of their blood and their own vomit!"

"Make them die in it!"

"There is also some of my puke in there! Extra spicy just for them!"

"FUCK THEM UP!"

"KILL THEM ALL!"

"MURDER THESE ASSHOLES!"

My job here is done. Morale is a real thing on the battlefield. I'm totally not doing this cause I enjoy it! Okay, maybe just a tiny bit.

We are all perfectly prepared to greet these dead to be.

All staring at the portal opening ready to raise hell!

Only to see it close by itself…

Well, that was anticlimactic.

That …How am I supposed to react?!

One of my companions comes near and pats my shoulder.

"Don't worry friend. They just escaped the calamity for today. The day of reckoning will come to them soon. When we get out of here, we will track them and make them pay. Then we'll make them die in a pile of their vomit and ours!"

[Thanks…]

Wait...isn't that beside the point? Why would I want them to specifically die in a pile of my vomit? Wouldn't that mean I'd have to hurl all over the place?!

Fuck no!

Still for now we are safe. This is great. This is just the best! This is….

"Oh god no. What the hell did we get ourselves into?! This is bad!"

I turn and see the previously composed leader having a nervous breakdown.

Yes, the one that nonchalantly dared to enter what he thought was an ambush just to confirm it.

Yes, the one that brought his whole squad away successfully while remaining calm headed.

Yes, the one that made and acted upon a plan to take down 50 assassins with 5 times fewer warriors.

That cool-headed guy's voice now shows fear.

[W-what is it?!"]

"Look around, we are in deep trouble."

Can I just close my eyes? Wake me up when the nightmare is over.

0_0