The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

The ground is scorched. No vine to be seen. The Ent is missing bark, all dried up. Its eyes are empty, and the trunk is burning.

But I survived! ＼(~o~)／

Achievement unlocked: survived an apocalyptic thunderstorm.

I can cross that off my bucket list. ✓

All thanks to Eagle's gift. Could it be only luck?

Yes, that's exactly what it is!

Luck is random you say?

There is no way a small trinket would affect it?

Luck is a skill! A motherfucking skill I tell you!

Do you know what that means!

From now on with this legendary hilt I am invincible!

( •̀‿• ́)ﻭ✧

Or not. I'll have to do some testing.

Oh I have just the plan in mind.

But first….gotta be careful .

Slowly, carefully, while being extremely alert.

That fox is one thing, but what will happen if I fall into another ambush?

Good thing is that super scary vine territory is done for.

*Shuffling back home sneakily*

****

I missed that fluffiness so much!

My face is buried deep in Wolfie's soft fur.

That's it. I am not moving anymore.

꒰๑ ᷄ω ᷅꒱

Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by thorny tentacles day and night!

（=｀〜 ´ =）

These fucking plants didn't let me get a single good night of sleep.

I spent 2 chapters sleeping you say?

Fuck that! You try it.

Getting blue-balled, getting forced to drink piss, getting harassed for me to take questionable body parts, getting made fun of by an idiot and serving as a steppingstone for an enemy to act cool.

That is a mouthful to say?! Try to fucking live it! Eh…dream it!

(╯°□°）╯

Ever heard of sleep paralysis?! If only I could have just been paralyzed there.

Would have been like my 24/7 vine time. Amateurs! Amateurs!

Ok…to be honest it wasn't all that bad.

I'm lucky to even be alive right now.

Plus that blade master pecs really were well defined.

And that weird part about the warden and the wanderer…was surprisingly wholesome?

Two weary souls finding solace in each other's embrace…or not.

Anyway. I'm not moving from here.

Let me rest a few more days. No sleep, just rest.

Turn my brain off, forget my worries and just relax.

*Shuffle*

I feel something gently ruffle my hair.

Wolfie…is petting my head?

This is somewhat nice.

Really nice.

How is that wolf so smart.

Seriously.

Ah whatever, all good.

I could just lay here till the end of times.

*closes eyes in satisfaction*

This is life. (＾ヮ＾)

*Snores*

( ◡‿◡ )

****

I slowly regain consciousness. My head is resting on Wolfie's body.

Wolf pillow!

*Stretching*

It is only after a good night sleep that you realize how tired you really were.

Seriously.

Anyway time for a bath!

Yep, still cold as fuck.

It's an outdoor pond. What did I expect? *sigh*.

One day I will go back to civilization.

Hopefully find a fiefdom worshipping a peaceful god.

Ideally, I'd like to explore this world to see cool places and weird fantasy races.

Sounds cliché as fuck. But I would be insane to skip such an opportunity haha.

Drink with the dwarves.

Drink with the elves.

Drink with the beastkins.

Why is it all about drinking? ?

Pft please. That much is obvious.

I blame the Moon Keep's sectmaster.

Yep, 100% his fault.

As I'm gleefully playing in the water like a four-years-old, Wolfie comes back.

Bloody paws.

Bloody fur.

Bloody mouth.

Carrying a dead body in its jaw.

That's called hunting.

[Let me guess, you want me to cook for you?]

*nods, tail wagging* (・ᴥ・)

[Alright. Let's get to it!]

I'm kinda hungry myself anyway.

****

[Come here little piggy!]

(╬≖∩≖)

Still fucking works. How the fuck?!

Well I'm not gonna make a big deal of this.

You get it.

Dodge, grill meat, dodge some more, grill some more.

But there is still the issue of the pieces falling to the ground undercooked.

Hum this is an issue.

Wait…what if I ….

Wooden stick acquired! Breaks it into splinters.

*TADA!!!! * ?

Legendary skewers acquired!

Okay that one is gonna be tricky.

I need to lower the output of divine energy to the minimum.

Enough to pierce the skin.

Not enough for the tool to instantly break.

Against the mantis this would be impossible. Not enough time to focus.

Funny how I am legit focusing while dodging a wild monster's charge.

I'm a boss! A motherfucking boss!

┌(▀Ĺ̯ ▀-͠ )┐

(Let's not talk about how predictable the boar's attacks are)

Throws meat skewer, failed to pierce.

Throws meat skewer, pierced the skin but skewer and food both destroyed.

Throws meat skewer, barely pierced the skin. Food ok. Skewer solidly fixed to the creature!

Woot success!!

Now wait a few minutes.

Remove when well done.

And …. savory!

The fat melts in my mouth. The tenderness is out of this world.

The juiciness is on point. Extremely flavorful.

The taste is amazing. None of the gamy aftertaste.

The freshness unequalled. Rich in energy.

I can almost see myself having a foodgasm.

To be fair it has been a really long time since I have eaten anything.

I'm sure I could enjoy eating raw meat at this point.

But it remains my best work so far!

As they say, work not to best others, but work hard at beating your old self!

Because at the end of the day self-improvement … is good! …or something.

Wait wouldn't the best way to accomplish that be to get a time machine?

I probably misremember that.

Meh. Whatever.

We are having a blissful time cooking and eating.

((っ˘ڡ˘ς) ? (￣ω￣ )

At some point I look around the fores…. clearing?!

What?! Wait? Where did the forest go?

0_0

Oh …fallen archaic tree. Shitload of archaic trees.

Burned to ashes. By a really really angry fire boar.

Why can't I see the sky? Why is it still gloomy?

Weird.

Note to self this boar is good! *Thumbs up*

(￣ー￣)ｂ

Extremely effective against wood.

Unending vitality.

No matter how many skewers pokes it.

To be fair these seem like needles to its sturdy skin.

♬♩ Blissful time cooking and eating. ♬♩

Wolfie is taunting it, that's not nice haha.

（´ υ｀）

Then again, I don't think it can get any more incensed in any case.

♬♩ Blissful time cooking and eating ♬♩

Yep, truly a fiery ball of endless energy.

Wait, can this be considered renewable energy? *thinking*

♬♩ Blissful time cooking and eating ♬♩

This creature is so headstrong and valiant!

It refuses to submit no matter the circumstances.

Proud and cool!

Well a bit less with what looks like mosquitoes' bite all over.

♬♩ Blissful time cooking and eating ♬♩

Oh no! Problem!

Big problem!

We ran out of meat!

Wait, how many carcasses are there?

Did Wolfie hunt mid cooking?

I wasn't paying too much attention.

[Alright that's enough Wolfie. We'll come back tomorrow. Actually let's come back every morning.]｡◕‿◕

Oh yeah since when can Wolfie hunt alone anyway?

Well doesn't matter. There are plenty or dumb rank 2s in this forest.

I guess this is a case of the smart prevailing on the strong-er haha.

As we leave happily, I see out of the corner of my eyes the boar falling on the ground.

It seems to be…crying? (╥╯⌓╰╥)

No, impossible. I guess it is sweating from all that running haha.

Rest well you awesome bastard.

See you tomorrow!