The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Did my sect just increase its member count by 50%? OMG! How fucking amazing is that?!

I may have said a bit too much about my life, but hey it should be fine this once. I just gotta be careful in the future.

[But wait? You said something about being a heretic right? I haven't seen anything that looks like a cult since coming to this town. Are they just hiding?]

"No, the border town is special. You could call it lawless land. Kinda. People from various factions tend to come here and dive into the forest to test their abilities. Sometimes you'll see some small groups come in for training, but it won't happen often. After all, on the other side is the Moon Keep and they have declared the area theirs. They'll turn a blind eye to the small-time hunters that are just trying to make a living but that's about it. If any real power tries to establish itself here, they will make a move. And it won't be pretty."

[Wait the Moon Keep is that big of a deal?! Wait it doesn't make sense. I've been running from them for 9 months already and I've not even seen the shadow of a pursuer! Oh …. wait …could it be?!]

"Did you figure something out?"

[Well, let's just say I have a good relationship with a few people there. Maybe they are hindering their sectmaster from sending assassins my way?!]

"I've never heard of the Moon Keep letting anyone escape, to be honest. How did you even escape their dungeon in the first place?!"

[Hum, the old warden is a friend. I just went up. Told him I was escaping. He went sure. And then I left.]

"… You really need to make your stories more credible or no one will ever believe you you know?"

[You believe in me no? So does the First Elder! And some people back at the Keep! And Wolfie! Wait…. where is Wolfie ?! 0_0]

"Wolfie? The small wolf that was next to you, at the beginning?"

[Yes! Where is Wolfie! Quick we gotta look for …]

"Relax haha. Follow me."

We head inside the house. Now that I look at it seems really well maintained. When we enter the first thing that hits me is the smell. OMFG this smells heavenly. And that is coming from a guy that saw the Lunar Goddess' realm. This small house beats it a hundred times.

Where is the smell coming from? I see Wolfie lazing about on a cushion. In front of it a plate! That's it! On it is what looks like a meat pie. But calling it a meat pie is not making justice to it. I swear I've eaten rank 3 beast meat at the Moon Keep prepared by chefs. All my previous experiences fail to compare. It looks simple. Steamy, hot, the crust looks golden and delicious. The filling seems about to burst out. So much meat it makes one wonder how it even fits inside. Wolfie is ravenously devouring it. With the most blissful expression I've ever seen.

*Sound of a stomach rumbling*

Oh god. I'm hungry. I want some!

"Who do we have here. Is that perhaps … a friend?!"

A woman skips over. At first, I can't remove my gaze from the pie, that is until she breaks my line of sight with her own body. If I have to describe her, I'd say …. MILF. She has really big, but seriously really big clear eyes! Oh yeah, also that pie filling is not the only thing that seems about to burst out if you know what I mean. Somehow, she seems to be looking intently at me.

She seems happy. My new swordsmanship tutor seems embarrassed for some reason.

"Have you eaten yet? Do you want some pie? How about porcupine or turtle?"

[HELL YEAH! * cough * I mean I'll take some]

No way I'd ever refuse. A few moments later it is finally the moment of truth. As I take a bite I am overwhelmed. Remember that time I didn't eat for a long time and I was having a foodgasm? Well, what is happening right now is of a different magnitude.

If this food was an earthquake impacting my palate with a burst of flavor, it would be classed with a magnitude of 8 on a Richter scale. THE best I've had before is max a 3, and that would be accounting for my starved self.

Like seriously. Holy fuck. When did we become a cooking novel? I don't know, but I'm not even mad. This right there could give a run for its money even for shit like Food Wars! I am not kidding. That is the highest praise I know.

"Are you enjoying it?" *chuckles*

She knows the answer already from my face it seems.

[This is the best thing I have ever eaten in this life! I could devour this every day and never get bored of it. That's how amazing it is!]

"Haha. That is a family recipe. What can I say I've worked really hard on it. It seems to have paid off!"

[Indeed! What made you become a chef? Either way, you are killing it!]

"Hum. Let me see. It all started with a saying my own mother used to have. It goes like this: if you want to have a happy family you need to do 2 things. Keep your husband's stomach filled and his balls empty."

*CHOKE*

WTF did she just say? She is smiling radiantly. Not ashamed in the least. My friend is nearby trying to hide. The personification of the sentence so ashamed he could die. Did I just mishear her or something?

"That's when I decided to really get into cooking. A few months later I was marrying the coolest hunter in town and then came my little Lucas."

Okay. She was serious. I'm as shocked as impressed. She looked at Zero while talking about the son part. Now I get why he calls himself Zero. Like seriously, Lucas. What kind of fantasy world name is that?! Okay let me scratch that.

[Oh, so you are Zero's mother I take it?]

"Pfft, you actually call him Zero. HAHAHAHA. How embarrassing. *chuckles* Zero. HAHAHAHA!"

This lady! Does she even know what embarrassment is?! She boldly declared that she became a cook solely for the purpose to snatching a husband a moment ago. But then again, her pie sure is great.

She strikes a pose. Takes a heroic air, yet she looks kinda funny while doing so.

"I am Zero! The one and only! Why Zero? Because I will be the strongest swordsman to ever live! The thousand swordsman ranking? What kind of thing is that? Number one ranker? You underestimate me. The number one can be challenged. The number one is always fought for. Not for me! I will be ranked 0! The one that not even the current recognized strongest will dare to go against! Remember the name Zero for it shall resound far and wide over all the known land!"

Okay, I kinda get it now. It does give some slight Chuunibyou vibes.

But still!

THAT IS THE MOST FUCKING AWESOME CHARACTER INTRODUCTION I'VE HEARD EVER!!!

LIKE HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

He'll fit right in! The Unnamed God Sect just got a top-quality new member that's for sure!