The Villainess and I, her Zombie

"You know, I was honestly expecting Lairs to be actively annoyed by Mason, but the trick with calling her Lai-lai really is working wonders. Do you think that she will melt into a motherly poodle if even I start calling her that?"

Zombie leaned towards Cranberry's ear and whispered with a mischievous smile while watching both the black-haired elf and the brown-haired half-elf sleeping soundlessly leaning against each other on the opposite seat.

"Who knows? You could try – though I expect that she would actually become a lot meeker and you wouldn't have half as much fun teasing her as you are now."

The red-haired girl breathed out and rolled her eyes as she shrugged her shoulders before adjusting her position.

"True – also I don't want anyone trying to go and protect me from an attack or something dumb like that, and she seems like an idiot who would go for it in a tense situation."

The blue undead knight frowned and straightened his back, glaring at the peacefully napping elven woman.

"…why does it feel like you aren't talking just about her…?"

Cranberry furrowed her brows and asked.

"Yeah, I wonder who else could be an idiot like that."

Zombie scoffed, glaring down at her with a serious expression.

"Haa… I didn't do it enough times to earn myself such treatment."

The red-haired girl breathed out and glared back at her blue undead knight.

"You did that more times than zero, so in my book, you are under the potentially dangerous category – especially now that the piece of filth is trying to stick her filthy nose in our business and play around with the toys we worked so hard to set up on the playground."

Zombie complained before reaching down to Cranberry's face and tracing her warm lips with his cold index finger.

"We have to play along with her until we will ensure that we can defeat Eternal – you should know the best how strong that creature is with its Invictus title in place."

The red-haired girl pointed out while reaching out her hand up and tracing Zombie's cold lips with her warm index finger.

"It's annoying, can't we just patch it out or something?"

"pffft…! Ha ha! Do I look like I have the game dev vocation?"

Zombie frowned and made Cranberry burst out into ugly laughter similar to the dog barks.

"Oh? Are you saying that if we find someone with a job like that we can make them change the game?"

The blue undead raised his brows and asked, with eyes widening at the attention.

"No, sorry – if someone so convenient like this actually existed in this world I would have led you to them without hesitation, be over with this stupidity and just stay with you forever."

Cranberry shook her head and touched Zombie's face with a melancholic expression.

"I never had a day where I could do what I want, when I want, without worrying about the consequences, so imagining a lazying around with you for all eternity sounds like an amazing prospect…"

The blue undead smiled softly and covered Cranberry's hand with his own while nuzzling against it.

"…yeah…"

The red-haired girl breathed out smiled softly at Zombie.

"…just look at us… two strongest, most bloodthirsty beasts of the first playthrough talk about living peacefully – how crazy is that?"

The blue undead scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief before smirking like a bonafide villain.

"Ha! Are you trying to say that we wouldn't be able to sit still or something?"

Cranberry snickered and asked back, raising her brow in doubt.

"I don't know – would we?"

Zombie giggled and asked back as the carriage was moving past the fields of the Envys territory on route to the forest where the not-so-hidden-anymore village of the elves was.

——-

"…holy fucking shit…"

The purple-haired keeper of the archives cursed at the mere sight of the tall blue undead knight and the red-haired girl and the two hooded people that they brought back with them.

"Uncle Gooseberry, we need to find a certain information in your library – is that okay with you?"

Cranberry stepped forward and asked with a cute smile.

"Shut the fuck up with that ditzy tone – you brat know full well that you have full access to the archives as long as I am alive – same with your fuckboy."

Although the words sounded harsh at first, Gooseberry clearly had no problem with them returning to the village all of a sudden even without Mirabelle and Olive accompanying them.

"Yeah, I missed you too a lot, uncle~!"

Cranberry only laughed and hugged the elf, making him blush slightly and look away before he reached up and patted her head.

"Yeah, yeah… just remember to show your face to Cranbie or he will cry for two fucking weeks straight like the last time you just ghosted him."

Gooseberry scoffed while tousling the girl's head.

"Of course, we will!"

Cranberry declared cheerfully and stepped away from the librarian to give him some space as he wasn't really the one for being overly intimate for prolonged periods of time.

"…what about those fuckers? It doesn't feel like I've met them before, though they do have some familiar aura around them…"

Gooseberry breathed out and straightened his clothes to regain some composure and asked when his face regained its alabaster-like color, pointing at Lairs and Mason.

"…"

Cranberry turned her head and also looked at the hooded pair with a bit of concern.

…no elf had ever talked with Lairs about her curse so she never knew the truth about it – and going even further, most of the elves straight up refused to talk to her, period.

Taking into consideration how crude Gooseberry was with people he liked, straight up revealing the identity of the black-haired elf – or even showing her black hair in the first place – could prove to be a bad idea.

Similarly, Gooseberry's animosity towards all humans and his clear hatred towards the Envy family didn't bode well for introducing him to Mason…

But while Cranberry was pondering how to be as gentle as possible with her explanation so the purple-haired elf wouldn't freak out and straight-up attack the other two, Zombie was thinking that it was best to rip that bandaid right of and be done with it.

So he made sure to activate his body-enhancing skills and equip his golden shield to intercept any attack that Gooseberry might throw out in anger – and pulled both Laris and Mason's hoofs off.

"The fuck?! Again?!"

"S-sir Zombie…?!"

The black-haired elf and the brown-haired half-elf gasped in disbelief over the sudden action and glanced at the indifferent blue undead knight before slowly turning towards the stunned purple-haired elf.

"…"

And stunned was the correct word to use – poor Gooseberry actually had the expression of someone who just got hit over his head with a mace and forgot who he was.

"…haa… thanks, Zombie…"

Cranberry breathed out, massaging her forehead with annoyance.

"So, umm… uncle – this is…"

"…Lairs…"

"…!"

The red-haired girl pointed at the two and tried to introduce the black-haired elven mage first, but as it turned out it was unnecessary as Gooseberry muttered her name, staring at the elven woman, completely taken aback.

"The fuck? And how the fuck do you know me?"

Lairs furrowed her brows and took a step back, huddling up her shoulders defensively.

"…my wife… she was Salak's sister…"

"!!!!!!!!!!"

Gooseberry gasped sounding just as shocked as Lairs, causing everyone to flinch in shock.