There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead

Chapter 14

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Kal kept crying with Lilian beside him. He even muttered something while crying.

She couldn’t hear him because of his cries, but he seemed to be calling to his parents.

“Don’t go.”

Even if Lilian fluttered her body for a little, she could hear his pitiful voice. Eventually, Lilian listened to Kal’s murmurs until the sun came up.

Kal no longer felt lonely.

***

She regrets that day. The day she went to stay by his side without leaving Kal while he was crying alone.

“…Kal?”

It seemed that the Kal she saw then was stuck inside her cloudy eyes. This couldn’t be true.

In front of Yvonne, who drowned herself with poison, she saw Kal with a distorted expression. A look that resembled the boy from the past.

But… that’s not Kal. He’s Karloi. This is also a dream, as there is no way that Kaloi would make that expression.

Yvonne closed her eyes again. She was in a dream, a place where no one can bother her.

***

By the time the sun had risen, she had found out a few things about Kal.

That he was a very precious child and someone wanted something from his house, causing him to be kidnapped.

“How long do we have to hold on to that little boy? We haven’t been contacted since we received the advance payment.”

“I told you to wait just a little. Besides, don’t you know? If things go wrong, our necks will fly.”

“Huh, I’m so unlucky…”

However, she found out a few things while running errands for the thugs these past few days. The deal with Kal’s parents is not very good.

She thought that the time might come when the thugs had to kill Kal.

Kal took Lilian’s advice several days to shut up and stay quiet, but he began to rebel again after a while.

He seemed to have noticed that the situation was not going in his favor.

Being so persistent, Kal was caught trying to escape three times and got beaten.

Kal, whose mouth was violently shut when he was struck, acted tough and cried only after the thugs disappeared. He was a man with dirty pride.

“Get lost.”

The harsh words flowed through the sound of his cries. It seemed to be a curse to Lilian.

“Get lost.”

No matter how much Lilian took care of his wounds, brought him food, and stayed with him at night, his fundamental resentment against Lilian did not disappear.

In a place full of blood and tears, Lilian, the only one who had humanity, seemed to not be enough for him as if he hates her for not giving much help.

“Don’t go.”

Then, if Lilian tried to leave again, Kal would catch her without fail. Sometimes, Lilian used to think, is this the feeling of a mother bird watching a baby bird?

“I was wrong…don’t go.”

Who can walk away from a boy who showed such pretty golden eyes filled with tears?

Perhaps, if Kal showed this side to the thugs, they might release him. No matter how much blood or tears there is, isn’t there a sense of beauty?

“You’ll be able to get out soon. No matter how long you’ve been here, you’ll be back home in the end.”

Lilian comforted him awkwardly. It was actually a lie.

Some people returned as corpses, and some people couldn’t return and were thrown into the dark forest somewhere.

The dark forest was the place where the trees grew from the body as nourishment.

Kal’s cry stopped as if the lies he heard were comforting him.

“… Why are you helping those bastards.”

“My mother is very sick. She needs medicine, but I have no other place to get money.”

Lilian replied coldly as though she had prepared the answer. She doesn’t know if she had to be so detailed about it.

Lilian probably wanted to keep making excuses to this boy, that she’s not a bad person, and she can’t help it because her mother is sick.

She didn’t expect a response. She thought he’d laughed or be sarcastic.

She thought he might say something like, “Oh yeah, my bad, I forgot you’re the only person with a sick parent, so you have to do something like this?”

“…How sick is she?”

Though Kal didn’t, his expression became strange. The words that were lined up as excuses stabbed Lilian in the face due to Kal’s sincere acceptance.

Lilian’s mother, Denise, was indeed very sick.

Her throat choked up, trying to explain how sick she is.

“She’ll get better soon.”

Kal said awkwardly. Is it consolation, or is he sincere? It seemed to feel like the comfort Lilian had told him previously.

Seeing Lilian, who had become gloomy without an answer, Kal wriggled in discomfort.

“How much money do you need?”

“I don’t know. A lot. They said that she would need more expensive medicine later on.”

Lilian’s words were blurred, and there was no longer a sound coming out from her mouth.

Lilian’s feelings of depression and despair could be felt from her sudden silence.

Kal thought maybe there was a reason why Lilian spent time with him each time.

As the person talking next to him kept her mouth shut, Kal became more uncomfortable since the silence makes the fear more vivid.

“…Search my pants.”

What Kal asked after a long silence was strange. Search for what? Lilian hesitantly grabbed his pants pocket, but Kal shook his head.

“Not in my pocket, in my pants.”

Seeing Lilian’s face turned red, Kal frowned at her.

“What are you thinking? It’s not in my underwear. It’s in my pants.”

‘What’s the difference if it’s not in your underwear, you idiot.’

However, Lilian, as if he was a bold boy who knew no shame, put her hand inside Kal’s pants.

There was something around the waist. It was a pocket.

“What is this?”

“Open it.”

Inside, there was a brooch that looked very expensive.

Even for Lilian, who knows nothing, it had a sparkle that only the real thing could exude. The brooch alone sparkled in a dark room.

When he was being beaten, he would crouch too much. It seems he had something to protect.

“If you take it and sell it, you’ll get money.”

Kal’s way of speaking was blunt as if he was not the giver, but some that had torn it off.

Lilian stared at him blankly, not understanding Kal’s tone and what he said.

“Are you stupid? You said you need money!”

As Kal screamed due to frustration, Lilian realized that he was indicating that he was giving it to her, but why?

Lilian was a street child. She was also well aware that these things don’t come for free unless she steals them.

“Even if you give me something like this, I can’t release you.”

“…”

“It would be so obvious that I’m the one who freed you, and those thugs wouldn’t leave my mom and me alone.”

Lilian handed the pouch back nicely, but Kal turned his head, annoyed.

“Who wants something? It’s better than being taken by them anyway, so keep it yourself!”

“… Really? I really can’t let you go.”

“Do you think I’d expect anything from a guy like you who cares for the bad guys?”

Wow… Seeing him speak so harshly, it looked like she could get it for free. Kal really didn’t seem to expect anything from her.

Lilian felt strange again. Like the day she first saw Kal. How could she do this?

When he’s caught, he still has the spirit to tell her to run away, and even now, he’s giving her something that she can’t even guess how expensive it is, something he cherished even while getting beaten.

He’s a crazy guy.

He’s a weird guy.

How could she?

The thought of Kal getting caught up in her little head. Whether he knows or not, he still has a distinctive blunt face.

“You said I’ll be able to go out anyway. So, I don’t need it.”

Does he believe Lilian’s lies? Lilian’s chest tightened because of guilt, but she had to take what she needed.

Kal snorted as seeing her finely putting the pouch in her pocket.

“You really don’t expect anything from me, right?”

“No, there isn’t!”

Kal muttered to himself as he looked at Lilian’s smile without any shame with his annoyed face.

“…Don’t just come at night. Come often.”

It was a whisper that wouldn’t have been heard if it wasn’t for the quietness. Lilian nodded when she saw Kal’s red ears.

Selling this would make her mother better, so she was able to accompany Kal for the night. It was a surplus business. Lou was good at calculating.

Lilian Lou wasn’t materially affluent, but there were a few personality traits to be proud of. She is agile, gutsy, and has a sense of profit and loss.

However, fourteen years after Lilian Lou became Yvonne Delois, her good traits changed naturally.

Fourteen years was by no means a short time, and it was also possible for one person to become a very different person.

Yvonne Delois was able to reach the highest level of her numbness by enduring the Duke for fourteen years.

To kill emotions, sensations, and even thoughts without a single reaction. To put it nicely, it might just be called patience.

With her dull sensation, the pain seemed to feel like someone else’s, so she was comfortable with it.

It seems like she can’t see anything that she was able to see… that has nothing to do with her…

She whispered to herself as if she couldn’t see Karloi’s disgusting look towards her.

“Well, Her Majesty. His Majesty has ordered not to participate in this event…”

She can’t seem to hear anything she doesn’t care about.

“It’s a good thing to become an Empress and not give money to the Imperial property.”

“Your Majesty, the Empress listens.”

“It’s none of my business.”

In a place where there are so many people, she deceived herself as though she couldn’t hear the sharp words of Karloi, who wanted to insult her.

Like she endured all the violence of the Duke.

“If you look carefully, it seems that you are still the daughter of the Duke, not the Empress.”

This is nothing. If you stay still, this will also pass.

“Your father, the Duke, has made a public outcry that you and I don’t even eat together. Is the Empress not surprised how he knows so much about our affairs?”

Someday it will pass, so just be quiet…

“I don’t feel well. Let’s just have a meal together.”

“Yes.”

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“What do you mean, yes? I haven’t even finished my words.”

“Yes.”

Yvonne woke up and lifted her head at the cold sensation that stopped even her brainwashing herself.

Karloi was looking at Yvonne with a stiff face. Yvonne only realized her mistake.

Oh no, the answer was too quick.