There’s No Divorce For You

“I’m going to read a book in my room in the afternoon.”

I said to Theodore as I walked to the mansion. He followed me like a duckling. Originally, I wondered if an escort driver was supposed to stick around like this, but I soon thought of Theodore, who was standing behind the king and convinced. 

“Do you have any plans to go out?”

“I’m not sure. Not for a while, but I’ll have a look now. I’ll let you know when I’ve decided where I’m going.”

I hummed lightly. As the rumors of a reconciliation with the king spread, invitations will pile up. Attending a party with Theodore was sure to show off my friendship with the king.

I waved my hand to tell Theodore to rest, but he came close to me as if I had called him. The sweet smell of sugar wafted from him as he leaned down to listen to me. It smelled so sweet. I hesitated and stepped back.

After some distance from him, he was able to breathe.

“I meant to rest.”

Then I beckoned to Bell.

“Bell, where did you put the invitation?”

“I put it in front of the dressing table, Madam.”

“Yeah, good job.” 

I followed closely behind and gave an order to Bell and Theodore, who were about to enter the room. 

“Bell, show Sir Theodore the mansion. Sir, I won’t leave the room, so feel free to look around.”

I chased them away and looked at Liza idling in the room. She was sniffing her nose at her flower, not knowing I was there. She even put a flower behind her ear and twirled it.

The scene in which the white apron fluttered was beautiful and unrealistic as if a scene had been cut and pasted from a movie. Then, after staring at her blankly for a while, I suddenly came to my senses and slammed the heel of my shoe to the floor.

“Madam!” 

Perhaps surprised by the sound of the heel, Liza hid the flower behind her. Then, she looked at me with a big smile. 

“Are you here? I put the flowers in as you ordered.”

I glanced at her and nodded as if I hadn’t seen the hidden flower.

“Okay. Now, will you bring me some books?”

“Yes? A book?”

Liza didn’t even think to move. Then, as I stared at her, she hesitated and said in a crawling voice.

“But Madam, the library is so dark and scary—
 

She begged in a poor, loving voice. I snorted coldly.

“How could it be scary when the sun is rising like this?” 

“The sun doesn’t shine in the library.”

Liza hesitated and stretched out not to go to the study. I tried to tell her to pester the count if she was so scared, but I swallowed. Instead, I sat down in front of the dressing table and urged her. 

“Don’t be lazy and hurry up. Any book is fine, so bring it.”

I chased Liza out and approached the vase placed by the window. It seems that what she took was her poppy. Three poppies were placed neatly.

I tried stroking the petals with my fingertips. It was soft. The softer it felt on my finger, the heavier my heart felt.

I’m doing good, right? It was a bad habit of mine to think once I did it. It may or may not happen, but I didn’t know what made me like this. 

“Phew… It’s hard…” 

I heard that it is easy to make medicine from poppy. You can scratch the unripe poppy fruit, get the juice out of it, and dry it well. If you use a small amount, it becomes a painkiller, and if you use a large amount, it becomes a drug.

Of course, I’ve never done it, so I don’t know if it really works. It would be terrifying if it were really made into a drug.

I knew just how bad opium was. It’s something that can kill or save someone. Can I make something that can ruin people easily?

‘But I can have one weapon to protect me.’

However, self-rationalization was taking place in the back of my mind. I’m not going to use it carelessly. I made up my mind again and again.

When the Count asked for sharing a room, I planned to make his mind go blank only once. After that, I will just put Liza next to him to prevent him from coming, and after that, I’ll have a strong reason to refuse to sleep. 

Seriously, I’d rather die than sleep with the Count.

‘Only once, really only once.’

No matter how addictive it is, once in a while will be fine. In one paper, rats living in a happy world didn’t become addicted to drugs. Will the Count find a more thrilling stimulus than an affair? 

In fact, I’ve never done both, so I don’t know which one is more addictive. The contemplation was quickly ended by the sound of Liza’s footsteps.

“Madam, I brought a book!”

Liza whimpered and came with a book in her arms. She gasped and put the book next to me.

“I thought my arm was going to fall off!”

Liza said cheerfully. I ignored her talk about how lucky it was that the Count had helped her in the library. Instead, I looked through the book one by one at a time. 

A romance novel with gold leaf on the cover, a tattered history book with a touch of hands, and an illustrated book with signs of a new cover, as if it had been passed around by several people. And I noticed a thin book between thick novels. No title was written on it.

I opened the book without realizing it as if something possessed me. Just like any other book, this book has only a few pages in the beginning. But the reason was different. This was a book that encouraged death.

The name of the poison and the letter X next to it is in a different person’s handwriting. From one page onwards, there was no trace of turning at all. Beautiful letters that encourage you to kill with one drop.

I snorted through the page. The most recent folded page got stuck on my finger.

[Black locust flower]

There were beautiful illustrations on one side of the book. It was a painting of white flowers. In a strange mood, I quickly skimmed through the article.

[When you have an unwanted child, take 200 fresh flowers orally. The scent also works.]

I looked at Liza. Could the book she was reading be mixed in by mistake? If Liza is pregnant—Liza looked at me with a face that said she didn’t understand. The blue eyes blinked.

Even the worst country couldn’t be hard on a person with children. Even hunters don’t shoot young animals.

Are you pregnant? Do you have a Count’s child? Is that why the Count ordered the flowers? 

I struggled to swallow the words that lingered in my mouth and asked for something else instead.

“Did you eat black locust flowers earlier?”

Liza said calmly.

“I wanted to eat, but I couldn’t because there was nothing left!”

As she finished speaking, a sigh of relief escaped. At least she wasn’t pregnant. I’m not trying to force the child out.

It was fortunate that the Count wasn’t that much trash. But, looking at the page again, it didn’t even seem to have folded recently.

‘Did I think too deeply?’

Liza talked about how much she likes flowers. I slipped her words over the back of my ear. Fortunately, there were no pages that caught my finger again.

“Madam, don’t you like the book?”

Liza, who had been talking for a long time, asked. Looking at the glittering eyes made me sigh. This Lady couldn’t have known how nervous I was just now. I picked up the book at the top and held it out because I was annoyed for no reason.

“You’ve only picked things that don’t look fun. Read this.”

Liza pouted her mouth, but soon sat at my feet and got ready to read. She opened the cover straight away and began to stutter down.

“Once upon a time….”

I was lost in thought as I listened to her clear voice.

* * *

‘How do I feed this to the Count so that no one else gets involved?’

It is said opium had a peculiar smell. I desperately swam through the currents of my memory, digging up information that had been buried deep inside. 

It would be good to dissolve it in strong alcohol to drink or mix opium with a cigarette and smoke it, but it was impossible to force the Count to eat or inhale opium.

Also, the Count could have doubted what I had given him or not taken it right away. So I thought of a few solutions in my head, but I didn’t like them.

‘Let’s not think too hastily. If I go to bed, the day will come in advance. So I just have to make it first.’ 

There was still time before the seasons passed. But my heart kept getting impatient. My head was complicated even though I didn’t even have fruit yet. I listened to Liza’s reading, tapping the table with my finger to stop thinking.

“Katarina’s thigh had a scar from splattered charcoal. It was an injury caused by a wicked witch—” 

Liza was groping for difficult words, but she read the book with a lot of fluff. Her voice was clear and cheerful, like a kindergarten teacher teaching her child. 

The two men and women who met each other through a trick of fate had to go through hardships to achieve their love. The story that began like that was full of useless long descriptions and boring words. 

“If you’re truly innocent, you won’t die after 99 days of poisoned meals! The knight exclaimed solemnly. Oh, how harsh and cruel is that?”

A woman eats a poisoned meal to prove true love, and a man even cuts his heart. What’s so interesting about the story is that the two people will do anything for love. Liza read the book excitedly.

“Therefore, it became as deep as a disease…Solitude disappeared, and only noble love remained for them.”

Liza closed the book and hugged it tightly in her arms. The sun shone on her face. She shrugged her shoulders exaggeratedly.

“It’s such a touching story.”

I didn’t know where I was touched, but I nodded. Liza’s eyes were shining like jewels. How could that child be so blind in love? Without any evidence.

“Do you believe in eternal love?”

“Of course.” 

Liza smiled brightly. It was obvious that her head was really a flower bed. What else is ironic about responding to the mistress’ question by staring at the legal wife and believing in eternal love? The story wouldn’t have been out in a Makjang drama if it had happened in Korea.

“I can drink poison if it’s from someone I love!”

“I see. That’s nice, love.”

I tapped lightly on the table with my finger. I feel better than before. It was because I had come up with a way to feed the Count with opium. 

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“If you’re done reading, can you give me tea?”

I thought I’d let her go to the Count, but I didn’t notice such a good person to be used next to me. The poison that will save me in case, will enter my husband’s mouth in the hands of a beautiful mistress that believes in eternal love.