To Love You Again

"I'm hopeless. Just leave me alone."

The three were stunned at how dejected Lu Yin Ze sounded.

They looked at his back. He looked so gloomy and hopeless. The darkroom made him one with the dark.

Xiong Zhi doesn't know what to say. Or what to do. She had never comforted anyone. And she was afraid she might say some things that might trigger Lu Yin Ze. So she stayed silent. This was the reason why they made Song Xuantin practiced the right words to say to Lu Yin Ze.

Song Xuantin was the first one to move. She runs to Lu Yin Ze's bedroom and with all her might open the curtains. The warm sunlight made half of the room illuminated with light.

Lu Yin Ze saw this but he did not move. He did not say anything.

Song Xuantin opened all of the tall windows to let the morning breeze and sunlight enter the room.

Finally, Lu Yin Ze moved and went to his bathroom. He locked himself there. It was clear that he would not entertain them. He would wait until they had fun in his room and left.

He was ashamed of himself. He doesn't have the courage to meet them. He was so weak. The people in his dreams were right. He was weak and he could not do anything.

He was always the boy who was drowning in his nightmare. He would never overcome this weak side of himself.

A knock came from the door.

"Lu Yin Ze, don't be like this. Talk to us, okay? We are your friends. We can lend our ears. You can count on us." Song Xuantin said on the other side.

Lu Yin Ze just sat on the floor. He really doesn't want to talk to anyone. If he talks to them what's he gonna say?

He was ashamed that he treats his friends like this. But really, for now, he doesn't want to face anyone.

Song Xuantin continues to say encouraging words. But after a while, Lu Yin Ze still doesn't come out. Nor he did say anything.

Xiong Zhi patted Song Xuantin on the shoulder. She could see how worried Song Xuantin was.

"I'll try to talk to him. Take a rest first. Your voice is hoarse."  Xiong Zhi looked at Gu Zhen.

"May I trouble you to take Song Xuantin and have some breath of fresh air?"

Gu Zhen realized what Xiong Zhi wanted to do.

"Alright." Gu Zhen went to Song Xuantin. Song Xuantin dejectedly followed Gu Zhen outside the room.

Now that they alone, Xiong Zhi could talk freely. What she wanted to say must not be heard by anyone aside from Lu Yin Ze. She must be the only person who knew a bit of what Lu Yin Ze was facing. Xiong Zhi knew herself that she was not kind enough to help him to his problems. Nor she had the power to do so. But they have met in this lifetime. And surprisingly, they became friends.

"Can you hear me?"

"..." There was only silence on the other side of the door.

"I hope you can hear me."

"...."

"Do you remember when we first met?"

"..." Xiong Zhi was not waiting for an answer.

"I followed you in the rooftop because I thought you knew the exit. At that time, I heard you say about your father killing your mother. The man you trust betray you. And you, you want to expose them by your death."

Lu Yin Ze who was listening was shocked.

'She heard it all?'

"When I witnessed that, I thought about how cowardly and how brave you are. It was cowardly since you want the easiest way to expose them. By suffering for just a moment and leave it to fate. Then take your rest and not be bothered by it since you're dead. Thinking, you've done your best. But that's what makes you a coward."

Lu Yin Ze bites his lips. That was the hard truth. He planned to use his death to expose them. At least his death would be meaningful and he would be helpful for once.

"How would you know that by your death everything will be exposed? If you died that day, no one would ever know the deep secret you are hiding. Nor the justice you want to find. It will be buried along with you. Not even a single soul would know about it. Your sacrifice, your life, would be in vain." What Xiong Zhi was saying was the truth. Even the second young master of Lu died that day in the past. No news came about why and how he died.

He just died.

It was then that Xiong Zhi knew that Lu Yin Ze's sacrifice was in vain.

"But I applaud for you that you are willing to die just to expose them and to tell the truth of what happened. Dying-"

Xiong Zhi remembered how Linfeng died in front of her. How she stayed by his side in the cold chilly night. How she willingly face death with him.

"Dying takes a lot of courage. "

Lu Yin Ze stared blankly at the floor.

When he was in that life-death situation at the rooftop. He felt how scary it was to face death. To know that you're going to die in mere seconds was the most terrifying thing he faced. He was actually more terrified that time than he met face to face to 'that' man.

"If you have that kind of courage to die, then be proud of yourself. Because you already face and overcome that, right? If you're willing to face death just to expose them, just to defeat them, then why are you still sulking in your room?"

"...."

"It's alright to be afraid of them from time to time." Xiong Zhi too got afraid every time she faced Guan Gao Huan. The trauma, the wound, that the beast inflicted on her was still fresh.

It was natural, yes.  It was natural to feel that way. To fear what you are afraid of.

She would shiver in fear when she remembered every single thing that beast did to her. And every time they faced, Xiong Zhi wanted to lash out and kill him.

But that act was too cowardly.

But killing him in one blow was not enough. And that was not the right way for her revenge, for their justice. For Linfeng's life and hers.

That's why she was mulling in this long and tough path. As the saying goes, the more effort you put in the things that you want, the more tasteful the success is.

"But if you got afraid of them once and used all your time just to overcome a single nightmare because of one meeting, then you will never be able to reach the goal you promised to yourself.

" It's alright to be afraid. It's alright to sulk. But how long? Until you age and died? Until your gap between your enemies goes wider and wider? "

Lu Yin Ze tears came down like pouring rain. Yes. How long would he feel this way? He was hopeless. He doesn't know when he would overcome this. He was afraid that he would aged and just die without fighting back and just being trap within his nightmare.

"Stand up. And go out. Force yourself. Fake until you make it. Even you still not okay, as long as you are doing something to overcome it, you will win against it.

"Remember the reason why you made a grand entrance on your birthday. You did well that day. Don't let it be wasted. Continue building your strength. "

Xiong Zhi doesn't want to be mixed in Lu's battle. But she was a friend of Lu Yin Ze. She felt that she need to help him even just by giving him advice. She was having the same problem as him. But at least she had 23 memories of her past life to overcome her fear little by little.

But Lu Yin Ze was just a young boy. He grew up in fear. Even he has the backing of the Lu empire behind him, there's an immovable mountain of himself in front of him. Not allowing him to pass. Not allowing him to take a step to move forward.

And this pitiful boy could not help but cower in fear. Xiong Zhi knew exactly how it felt to be trapped in your own nightmares.

She doesn't know why she met him in the rooftop. Maybe her existence at that time was to prevent him from killing himself. If there's a big changes in the past that was Lu Yin Ze was still alive. And surprisingly, they became friends. Even they were not close enough, she could feel his sincerity towards her.

In her past life, when she heard that her classmate died she just brushed it off. She didn't even bother to know who it was. Because she never met the person. And she  doesn't care.

When she watched the news that it was a boy with a great background that caused one of the empire to be in chaos, she still doesn't care.

But now, she knew that person's name. Even if it was not clear for her and she was just full of suspicion, she knew a bit of the story behind him. And that 'him' was a sweet, shy boy that treated every person with sincerity. That 'him' was her friend. She might turn a blind eye. To not offer her hand to help. She can do that. Without an once of being guilty. But...unfortunately, or fortunately, they met. They had a string of fate that was connected between them.

Lu Yin Ze was silent on the other door. He was listening to her. To her cool voice that always help him to wake-up from his nightmare.

"You have to be proud of yourself. Because you actually went against your original fate."

Xiong Zhi added this last words in whisper.  Nevertheless, Lu Yin Ze heard it.