To Love You Again

"!!!" 

Xiong Zhi's question came so sudden that Lu Yin Ze's thoughts braked. His eyes went wide.

His heart thumped fast and his mouth opened, but he could not say anything. 

Xiong Zhi watched him closely. His expression was enough to tell her that he indeed felt so.

She closed her eyes momentarily, took a deep breath, and opened her eyes to stare at the beautiful man's frozen face.

"Don't love me, Yin Ze, because I can't return your feelings. Never."

Silence.

It took a while before his brain fully registered the words. His heart clenched.

It was like there were a thousand sharp knives slowly slicing at his heart. 

Painful. Piercing. 

The hand holding on her arm loosened. 

Xiong Zhi saw his face turn pale, the hurt in his eyes, and the slight trembling of his pale lips.

Her heart felt uncomfortable as well.

Lu Yin Ze, this boy, was sweet, kind, and sincere. He was one of the loveliest people she met. Due to lack of love, he was like a puppy yearning for her affection, from the first person who helped him step out of the shadows. 

In front of such a sincere love, if it was another woman, they would be very happy and their ego would be satisfied. They probably would accept his pursuit and dote on him without fully understanding the depths of his feelings.

But Xiong Zhi knew clearly how he felt. Because she, too, had been desperate. She, too, loved someone so deeply she could devote her entire life, fortune, reputation... everything to that person. 

She could see herself in Lu Yin Ze's position. If she was in his shoes, confessing her love to Linfeng, and Linfeng refused her ruthlessly...

Could she bear it?

That was what exactly she was doing to Lu Yin Ze right now.

Her heart felt astringent. She felt suffocated. But she really needed to make it clear to him.

Because in reality, she was Xiong Zhi who loved Linfeng dearly, and Linfeng also reciprocated her love. She could not string Lu Yin Ze on, because it was the most unfair to him.

She must erase his expectations, so that he would give up eventually and find his own happiness that she could not give to him.

"Yin Ze," Xiong Zhi said. Her eyes were determined. "There are millions of fishes out there. The world is big. I am only the first fish you saw in a well, so you are very attached to me. But now, you are not living in that tiny well anymore. You have the whole sky. There are streams, rivers, oceans. Find more streams, Yin Ze, find your own happiness."

Lu Yin Ze's eyes blurred.

This was why he did not want to confess, even though he dreamed of it a hundred times. Because he knew what she would answer to him.

There was a tight hand gripping at his heart, clenching it, suffocating him. His chest felt sore. It made it difficult to breathe and speak.

He was unwilling.

No! I don't want to give up!

The hidden longing in his heart finally exploded.

Find my happiness? I will! My happiness is right in front of me!

A sudden impulsive urge overcame him, making him lose himself for a moment.

His arm reached out and pulled the girl into his arms. Caught off guard, the force unbalanced Xiong Zhi and she fell onto his hard chest. Without any warning, he raised her slender chin and kissed her.

"!!!" 

Xiong Zhi's eyes went wide.

Lu Yin Ze was a growing man. As every man in his early twenties with a sweetheart, he naturally experienced having spring dreams. And in every one of his dreams was the girl in his arms. 

For the longest time, he badly wanted to taste her lips. To embrace her soft waist. 

He wanted those lips to only utter his name and give him attention.

Zhi'er.

Zhi'er.

He wanted Zhi'er to be his.

The kiss only lasted for two seconds before Xiong Zhi overcame her shock and pushed him with all her might. When Lu Yin Ze freed her, she gave him a loud slap.

'Slap!'

The loud sound echoed in the parking lot.

Xiong Zhi's eyes were red. She was indignant and raging mad. She could not believe that Lu Yin Ze, her trusted friend, would force her to kiss him! 

How could he do that!

What Xiong Zhi hated the most was other people touching her, especially men. The trauma of the past gave birth to this hatred and abhorrence towards physical contacts. 

Not to mention, hugs and kisses...

It was only with Linfeng that she felt comfortable with those.

And yet her trusted friend actually forcefully kissed her! 

She could still feel the disgusting sensation on her lips. She was suddenly reminded of the nightmarish past. She trembled and continuously wiped at her mouth, making her lips red and swollen. 

Right now, she was trembling in rage.

Lu Yin Ze felt the sting on his cheek. There was a dazed look in his eyes. He himself did not expect his sudden impulse.

The slap on his face bought a piercing pain to his heart. 

He turned to Xiong Zhi.

The murderous look on her face pushed him into cold depths. 

He felt something block his throat.

'...Did she really hate my kiss that much?'

Xiong Zhi just threw him a hateful glance. She did not say anything and brashly entered her car.

The furious sound of tires on the ground resounded in the parking lot and the car sped away.

*****

Minutes passed.

Lu Yin Ze remained rooted on the spot. His silvery hair appeared glum, and his face was blank. There was a clear red handprint on his left cheek. 

His dazed eyes was unfocused.

All energy was drained from him.

The fleeting look of hatred that was directed at him. Those red eyes. 

His father and brother would only look at him coldly, so it was the first time someone looked at him with such palpable hatred. It was none other than the woman he wanted to treasure and love the most.

Still in a daze, Lu Yin Ze slowly raised his hand and slapped his face hard.

What did he do?

He hurt the woman he loved the most!

He slapped his face more, ruining his beautiful features into a red, swollen mess, but still he did not stop.

His eyes began to focus, but inside was only regret, blame, and pain.

His eyes were astringent and his nose soured.

Foolish! Stupid! Bastard!

You deserve this!

He promised to himself that he would take it patiently and wait until he moved her heart. Yet in the end, he could not control himself. Forcing her that way...

Unforgivable!

Finished. It was over.

Lu Yin Ze's eyes blurred. Unshed tears began to well up in his eyes. 

He destroyed their harmonious relationship. Would Xiong Zhi let him come near her in the future?

He was afraid that Xiong Zhi would treat him like a pervert from now on. What he did was tantamount to destroying her trust and their friendship. 

His single action on sudden impulse destroyed everything.

There was no longer any hope.

Lu Yin Ze unconsciously clenched his fist, his knuckles paling and veins popping out. The box in his hand crumpled. 

He was too impatient. He should have not have done that. He should have stopped himself. He should have stopped offering the gift when she rejected it once! 

Lu Yin Ze was no longer receptive of the surroundings as the heartbreak drowned him. He threw the box away with all his might. It flew to the back of the parking lot and went behind one of the cars.

"Ouch!"

There was a short cry behind that car. But Lu Yin Ze was so immersed in self-blame, remorse, and the loss of the woman he loved. 

Could he still find ways and ask forgiveness from her? Right. He had to try. He must still try everything he could to get Xiong Zhi's trust again. 

Even if he no longer had a chance to be with her, but he could not bear having her hate him.

Lu Yin Ze stumbled to his car and drove away.

He did not notice that in the place he just left was a woman with a bob haircut running forward furiously, holding on a reddened forehead, and cursing at him from behind.