To Love You Again

Linfeng followed William's back with his eyes.

Once William left, out of the range where he could hear them, he asked Jang Shin again. "Also, why are you so apprehensive about William? That guy might be a pervert sometimes, but he is definitely on our side. He will never harm us."

Jang Shin frowned, his lips pursing. "That guy is a lady killer, you know that. He was hitting on Tang Xinyang earlier."

'Oh?'

"So you are jealous?"

Jang Shin was silent and shifted his eyes.

Linfeng: "What will you do if this continues on? Tang Xinyang is already at the age where she can form relationsh.i.p.s for marriage. As a lady in the circle, she's not getting any younger. In the future, she will look for someone to marry, to carry on the Tang family's bloodline. Are you ready to just watch it like it has nothing to do with you?"

Jang Shin's peachy willow leaf eyes lowered. "It has nothing to do with me. Those will happen in the future. I bet my feelings for her will be gone by then."

"You can't say that for sure. What if it doesn't go away?" 

Linfeng had been in Jang Shin's shoes before. He thought as well that his feelings for his Young Miss would be gone.

But it never disappeared. It only grew stronger, consuming him totally.

Jang Shin smiled sadly. "Then I can only endure."

Linfeng stared at him.

"Why are you going through so much trouble? If you just admit it and accept your feelings, all these complicated thoughts will be gone. The Tang family is not..." 'The Tang family is not like the Xiong family', Linfeng almost said, but he chose to swallow the rest. He sincerely advised, "Shin, we don't know the future yet. You might regret not moving now." 

Jang Shin shook his head. "Do you know why I did not focus on the path of being a butler, but supported you and SC instead?" 

Linfeng nodded. He knew. His friend had a complicated relationship with his family.

Jang Shin took a deep breath.

Jang Shin was not the eldest. He was not the heir, so his family did not focus on him and had no expectations on him at all. It would be all good if that was all. However, Jang Shin was weak-willed since he was young. He got easily scared, cried like a girl, and was constantly called wimpy by his brothers and relatives.

It was only when Jang Shin met Linfeng and stuck himself at Linfeng's side that he got the inspiration to become someone stronger and capable like him. He admired Linfeng since he was young, and set him as a model to emulate.

Jang Shin's only dream was, to become someone he could be proud of.

"I had always been a scaredy cat. Even now. I am actually happy that I am not the eldest in the family. It is only when I am not a butler that I can find an identity for myself. I am Jang Shin, SC's co-founder, your friend. I feel fulfilled that I can help you even with my mediocre abilities. My greatest pride is SC."

Linfeng was silent. 

Jang Shin poured himself another glass of wine and drank a few sips.

"But what if I covet her? Should I marry her? The Tang elder will not refuse. I will become a Jang who is under the wing of the Tang family. Everything is great, everything is on the right places." The murmurs slowly lowered in volume.

Linfeng's eyebrows slightly moved. It seemed like Jang Shin was not talking to him, but to himself instead. 

He was battling with himself.

"It would be good if I can just accept my fate. I don't know if Xinyang really likes me or is just playing with me. But if she wants to marry me into their family, my family will surely agree to it."

Jang Shin swallowed the rest of the wine in one gulp. He brought down the glass with a loud clank.

"Then everything I am building will crumble overnight."

"I will not be Jang Shin who created SC with you anymore. I can't just break the agreement like you did, and build a name for myself without attributing it all to the Tang family's name."

"I will be a helpless man surnamed Jang who married a Tang because of the family's choice. Do you think with that kind of reason, we will be happy in our marriage? Or I will be happy?"

Jang Shin poured himself some wine again. "You know the feeling, Linfeng. The reason why you didn't want to be her butler in name, tied by a treaty, but chose to become a butler unfettered by your family, out of your own sincerity. The reason why you want to come out to the society as just Linfeng." 

Jang Shin finished the wine in his glass. His peachy willow leaf eyes and his cheeks were already bit red. Perhaps it was because of the wine, or perhaps it was due to the bottled up emotions that was leaking out right now. 

He seemed a little tipsy.

"I am not like you, Linfeng, who is capable enough to get status, recognition, and love at the same time."

***

A/N: If you had read Jang Shin in volume one, it already showed that he had a complicated relationship with his father and his family. He had been feeling insecure and inferior. He wanted to prove himself since everyone is looking down on him. It could also be seen in the past life in Linfeng's dream that Jang Shin drank after his visit with the five kings. He mumbled about people looking down on him. It was a wound in Jang Shin's life.

In volume three, the book for side stories, you'll find out the whole story of Jang Shin and Tang Xinyang in the past life. They had never ended up together. Though, I wonder what it would be in this life.)