Ch41 - Expectation

It was already very late by the time Xie Luyu and Gu Qingchi got back.

There weren’t many people at the hotel restaurant. There was only Pan Xiaocheng and the others. They had ordered a table full of food. Xiao Ke grabbed a couple of hot drinks and handed them over. 

Since Xie Luyu had already given them a heads-up, no one mentioned anything.

Xiao Ke had been anxious enough to cry earlier. Now, she was acting as if nothing had happened. She kept a smile on her face.

“Gu ge, you came at just the right time. Our food just arrived.”

Everyone at the table had been following Xie Luyu for quite a while, so they all greeted him when they saw him. At the moment, they were all chatting in twos and threes. 

They didn’t pay the two of them any special attention.

This helped Gu Qingchi relax a lot. It made him feel as though no one had noticed his embarrassment or his mistakes. It made it seem as though he hadn’t been as much of a burden as he had thought.

In certain aspects, he had always been particularly sensitive.

The atmosphere right now was just right. It was the kind of atmosphere that made him feel comfortable. The conversations were calm and quiet. It wasn’t so noisy that it was annoying, but it wasn’t so cold that it made things awkward.

Here, Gu Qingchi wouldn’t attract too much attention, but he wouldn’t be ignored either.

Compared to when Xie Luyu first found him, Gu Qingchi’s mood seemed to be a lot better now. He even gave Xiao Ke a smile.

Xiao Ke fetched a knife and fork for Xie Luyu and Gu Qingchi.

Xie Luyu thanked her. Then, he took a look at Gu Qingchi’s hair. Gu Qingchi’s hair couldn’t be considered particularly long compared to other male celebrities in the circle. 

Rather, a crew cut like Xie Luyu’s was more rare. In fact, he was trying to grow it out. After all, a crew cut was kind of hard to style.

Still, they were eating right now, so the long hair was a little inconvenient. It definitely would not be comfortable to have his hair scattered around his neck.

Xie Luyu sat next to Gu Qingchi, side by side. They looked like two very close friends. He gently touched Gu Qingchi’s elbow with his arm.

“I have a rubber band on me. I use it for tying up my sleeves. Do you want to borrow it?” 

Gu Qingchi had originally been holding a warm drink with both hands. He had it resting upon his lap. When he heard this suggestion, he nodded and turned his back towards Xie Luyu. Then, he lowered his head, revealing a portion of his pale white neck.

Xie Luyu froze for a moment. Then, he took the rubber band from his wrist and bit it between his teeth.

Many artists had a habit of keeping clips or rubber bands on them.

A lot of the time, they were provided with one-size-fits-all clothing for certain events or activities. They often tended to be on the bigger side. It was fine for day-to-day wear, but it was easy to look bloated and frumpy in front of a camera. 

The rubber band was rather thin. Xie Luyu held the rubber band in his mouth and used his hands as a comb. After combing through his hair a couple of times, he tied a simple little pigtail. Then, he checked it over once more and adjusted it a little bit.

“There.”

Gu Qingchi straightened up and then leaned back into his chair. This showed that he was pretty relaxed right now.

He leaned towards Xie Luyu. 

“There’s a bottle of wine over there.”

Xie Luyu immediately understood. He stood up, grabbed the bottle, and handed it over to him.

“Eat something first. Don’t drink too much. Half a glass should be enough. If you drink too much at night, you’ll get a stomachache.”

Gu Qingchi didn’t speak. 

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“Eat something first. You haven’t eaten anything all evening, have you?”

The outfits for awards ceremonies were all very form-fitting. If they ate even a little bit, the outfits would be hard to squeeze into. Most importantly, a bloated figure would look bad. Xie Luyu hadn’t eaten anything either.

The table was full of western cuisine. It was already really late, so the chef wasn’t there. Most of the dishes were cold dishes. There were also some salads and cream soups. In addition to that, there was a steak for each person.

Gu Qingchi wasn’t interested in any of the food on the table. 

He was actually a very picky eater. He preferred Chinese cuisine. He wasn’t very used to western cuisine, and he wasn’t used to using knives and forks either.

He liked carbs and he liked meat, but he didn’t like things that were difficult to eat. He generally didn’t eat shrimp, crab, or meat with bones.

Among all the dishes on the table, the only thing he was interested in was the steak. However, he wasn’t used to knives and forks, and he couldn’t be bothered to slowly and laboriously cut it himself. Xie Luyu urged him to eat something, so he stabbed a little bit from one of the side dishes and went through the motions.

Xie Luyu knew what was up right away. He had already cut up the steak in front of him into small pieces. 

He moved his plate towards Gu Qingchi.

“Do you want to switch?”

A rare smile graced Gu Qingchi’s features. He leaned back in his chair, giggling.

He cupped his face in his hands and softly replied. 

“Mn.”

After getting an affirmative answer, Xie Luyu glanced at Gu Qingchi and swapped the two plates. Then, he stuffed a knife and fork onto Gu Qingchi’s plate and waved his hand.

“Go on. Take it.”

Gu Qingchi happily took a bite of the steak that Xie Luyu had cut for him. His eyes curved into a smile. 

No matter how Gu Qingchi felt about Xie Luyu, no matter how much he blamed him, he had to admit that it was always very comfortable to be by Xie Luyu’s side.

They obviously hadn’t known each other for very long, yet it felt as if they had known each other for years.

But that was where it ended.

Gu Qingchi drank all of the wine in his glass and closed his eyes in appreciation. This cold yet burning sensation was able to bring him a bit of pleasure for a little while. 

After the award ceremony, Gu Qingchi moved out of the trainee dormitories. The company arranged a new apartment for him to live in.

The new apartment was much larger than the one he was living in. It was a little further away from the company, but the security there was much tighter.

There were only three apartments on each floor. The apartments were complete with furniture and appliances, and transportation was convenient. The area was surrounded by luxury neighborhoods. There were very few people and even fewer disturbances.

Even if Gu Qingchi was to go out for a walk, even if he left the house without a mask or disguise, there wouldn’t be anyone rushing up to bother him. 

Gu Qingchi now had a certain level of fame. In his original apartment complex, as long as he left the neighborhood, there would be a steady stream of people rushing over to take a look.

His new apartment didn’t have this issue. Everyone living around here were contracted artists under Starlight. Besides, their schedules were pretty staggered. Even if they did happen to run into each other, they would just say hello at the most.

Gu Qingchi had very low requirements for the place he was to live at. He didn’t have any particular opinion about the new apartment, but at least the cat was very happy. It paced back and forth throughout the entire apartment several times.

Because of how Ye Li decided to market Gu Qingchi, he didn’t have very many activities. After the awards ceremony was over, his schedule was pretty much empty. 

Whenever he wasn’t working, Gu Qingchi’s day-to-day life was very casual. His days would be easygoing and lax. He didn’t play on his phone, he didn’t use the computer, and he didn’t like watching TV all that much.

The sound of a TV in an empty house always made him feel both annoyed and, for some reason, a little lonely.

Technically speaking, Gu Qingchi’s only source of entertainment was playing games with his cat for a little bit. In fact, these kinds of games often bored him.

The rest of his time was spent either reading or listening to music. 

Whenever he woke up in the mornings, the only thing he needed to think about was what to eat.

Gu Qingchi wasn’t that good at cooking. He could only make a few simple dishes. A lot of the time, he wasn’t able to control the heat well. The food he made was typically good enough to eat, maybe slightly below average.

However, he was quite the picky eater. Every time he tried to cook, he couldn’t bring himself to eat it.

His takeout boxes were always piling up in his trash can. 

Gu Qingchi didn’t like flattening out the takeout boxes. Instead, he would just throw them into the trash can as is. He preferred to just let it take up a whole lot of space. The takeout boxes would fill up the trash can by noon. Then, he would have to run down four flights of stairs to throw it away, and he would have to take the trash out a second time at night.

Sometimes, it was hard to say whether he hated trouble or not. He would rather make two trips a day to the dumpster than take the time to flatten out the takeout boxes.

Gu Qingchi was already very used to this kind of lifestyle. He didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it.

That was until one day. When Gu Qingchi stepped outside to take out the trash, he looked up and saw the door to the apartment opposite of his was open. There were several large boxes sitting in an empty living room. 

Someone was moving in.

This didn’t really have anything to do with Gu Qingchi. He just gave it a short glance and quickly looked away.

When Gu Qingchi got back upstairs, the cat was sitting in front of their apartment door, its expression full of vigilance.

On the opposite side, Xie Luyu was holding a glass of milk and wearing a pair of slippers. He was also standing at the door, looking very homey. 

Xie Luyu stood there and stared off with the cat, a fierce look in his eyes.

He was like a dumb but pretty dog.

When Gu Qingchi arrived, the cat started meowing at him and pestering him. It looked as if it had suffered some great grievance.

Xie Luyu’s expression softened. 

“That, uh, do you live here too? What a coincidence. My address ended up getting leaked, so the company arranged for me to live here. We’ll be neighbors from now on.”

Gu Qingchi hummed. He suddenly felt as though his life wasn’t so boring and dull anymore.

It wasn’t until this thought popped into his head that he realized he was actually rather lonely.

He had to admit. Being with Xie Luyu made Gu Qingchi feel like he was slowly coming back to life. 

That separation between him and the rest of the world also seemed to fade. He truly felt what it was like to be relaxed and happy. It wasn’t a cheap imitation brought on by alcohol.

To a certain extent, Gu Qingchi was rather headstrong. He wasn’t the type to restrain himself.

Alcohol and milk tea were both able to bring him short, momentary pleasure, so he chased after it without restraint.

Now, he’d found something even more pleasurable than alcohol. 

Therefore, Gu Qingchi instinctively started expressing to Xie Luyu that he could approach him. A faint smile. A small gesture.

He intended to capture Xie Luyu. That way, he’d be able to stay happy all the time.

In that case, did he love Xie Luyu?

No. He didn’t love him. Gu Qingchi didn’t love anyone. He didn’t understand that kind of emotion. 

If there was a humorous and considerate person by Gu Qingchi’s side, it didn’t matter whether they were tall or short, fat or thin, what they looked like.

Gu Qingchi would reach out regardless and try to grab this person within his hands.

Love wasn’t like that. Love was irreplaceable. Love was unique. Love meant you’re my one and only.

But Gu Qingchi didn’t understand. And he didn’t want to understand. 

In other words, he only loved a feeling. It was a feeling that made Gu Qingchi very happy.

When it came to emotions, Gu Qingchi was as ignorant as a baby. He was just blindly marching forward, relying on his instincts alone. He’d get closer to the things that made him comfortable, and he’d stay away from things that didn’t.

Gu Qingchi raised his head and gave Xie Luyu a smile. He knew that he looked particularly beautiful like this. He knew that he was stunning when he smiled like this. However, he had never really cared before.

That didn’t mean he didn’t know. 

Now, however, he had something that he wanted, and he was going to use every tool at his disposal.

He was like a vine that had finally found a big tree to rely on, desperately clinging onto the tree, entwining its roots and leaves with the tree’s branches.

Then, without any hesitation, it sucked all the nutrients it needed from its host.

What was going to happen? What would happen after that? 

Gu Qingchi wondered. His mind livened up, his thoughts excited. He was like a gambler at the gambling table, going all in without a single care in the world.

He was waiting to either go bankrupt or win a fortune.

No matter what the result turned out to be, he was still going to raise his glass and drink amid the cheers of the crowd.

Because, no matter what happened, it was a welcome result. 

Ruin was fine. Rebirth was fine as well. Just let it all end.

When Gu Qingchi tried alcohol for the first time, the splitting pain was accompanied by a feeling of joy.

Gu Qingchi would never forget that feeling,

Now that he had gotten used to the alcohol, the pain had lessened, but the pleasure had lessened as well. 

So what kind of pain would it bring this time? What kind of joy would it bring?

Gu Qingchi approached Xie Luyu and gave him a hug.

Gu Qingchi knew very well what he was doing. In the process of sinking into the abyss, he had latched onto Xie Luyu.

Either the two of them would sink into the abyss, or… 

Or what?

Gu Qingchi didn’t know, but it was just like his first sip of alcohol. He was full of expectation.