Trapped In Hisstory

I was right, after all. What the King said to Charles affected him.

Still, I was glad that Brother was still accompanying me, but I kept getting the feeling that it would all end soon. The happiness that I am feeling at this moment, just until when will it go on?

Despite Brother being by my side, I felt so far away from him. As if a line had been drawn in between us. No matter how near we were to each other, we could never cross over a side. The existence of a rift that I never noticed started to become more visible, making me see the line separating the two of us.

I could not think of any way to repair that crack.

The fear of the rifts drifting farther and farther away from each other started to grow and I had the urge to grab his hand, to beg him not to leave.

"What is wrong? Are you all right? Are you in pain?" Brother asked, and I did not notice that I was already grabbing him tight, afraid to let him go. 

I closed my eyes. I could listen to his worried voice all day like it was a favorite song of mine.

"Clayton, do you have something to tell me?"

Stay. Stay with me.

Just like how you wanted Alec Valorian to stay with you, I am sure you know that feeling.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, trying to hold back my tears, "You are—

"Your Highness, the little miss is requesting to see you." 

Charles nodded and turned to me, "I will be back, wait for me."

He stood up and left, with Alec by his side and on his way to meet with a girl from the Lanstone House.

I was alone, staring at the door he just went through.

"—the only one I have." I continued. 

That girl. Our cousin. It was obvious that she hated me despite that angelic face she has. She wanted to be with my brother, to get his attention and for him to be hers.

She was annoying, not leaving any chance that she could take Charles away from me. Whenever she sees the two of us together, I know that she is jealous.

After all, I feel the same whenever she is with him. I did not like the thought that Charles would be taken away from my side.

I let out a sigh and flopped down on the sofa. I stared at the ceiling, just as I always had whenever I was alone.

~~~~~

My mother would never have me if the King never wanted to use my mother as a tool for pleasure. That thought angered me, but I was weak. What could someone like me do? I was only a four-year-old child. Nobody liked me because of my mother and even if I grew up, I would never have power.

Princess Carmilla, how nice. Even though I have not seen her yet, I knew she would be someone who everyone would like. I hope nothing bad happens to her, knowing how this place was akin to hell.

And I do not want to stay here any longer.

As soon as I was about to close my eyes, my surroundings were no longer dark. It was so bright, and the light was coming from outside when the door swung open. I turned my head to the side and saw a silhouette from afar.

It rushed towards me, and he knelt down, holding me. Shaking me to hold on. I was confused, as I did not know who it was. It was impossible for it to be a servant, because no servants would ever do such a thing towards me.

When my vision finally cleared, I saw a boy near my age, looking down at me from above. It was strange. Why does he have such a worried expression? Was he truly worried about me?

Someone who I never met, and someone who was never with me. We were never close. Why should he be worried?

But at that moment, I was glad. There was still someone who would think of me.

I closed my eyes with a slight smile on my face.

~~~~~

I opened my eyes, hoping it would be the same as before. But my surroundings were still dark, with no light coming from the door.

I looked again, and waited for it to open even the slightest, but it did not.

Even if I say or think that I want to have an eternal rest, there is no longer someone rushing to my side to tell me to hold on a little longer.

I wonder if I died here. Would he come?

Once again, tears kept flowing and I could no longer hold it in. I was selfish and greedy, to wish for Charles to only be with me.

I wanted him only for myself. He was the only one I have. Charles was the one who saved me from this room of darkness. Brother gave me light.

And yet here I am.

Back in that room. Back in the dark.

All alone. Like I had in my whole life.

A day passed. Another day. A week. A month. A year.

He never entered my room again. He stopped accompanying me. The crack had never been fixed, and the two of us were no longer the same.

"I will be back, wait for me."

I laughed. Suddenly everything felt so funny.

"I...waited. I waited, brother." I muttered as I drowned myself in my tears. "When will you be back?"

Years have passed, and I started getting used to being alone. Perhaps that was so much better than experiencing the same thing over and over, and end up being in pain.

The sorrow, the anger, it never left my chest.

But perhaps up until now, I am still waiting…

Brother's voice, my favorite song, I could no longer listen to it.

Instead, I listen to my own cries.

The Song of Abandonment.