Trapped In Hisstory

"I am your brother," I said and looked at Chance sharply as if he was piercing through his eyeballs. "Clayton Howard."

Brother. Is it even right to use that word?

The Crown Prince's hands that were on the racks, dropped and he froze, not averting his gaze away from me. I do not understand why he had that kind of reaction, didn't he ask me on purpose?

My eyes narrowed as I looked at him full of contempt, "Does it satisfy you when I remind myself that I am not needed?" I asked.

He did not seem to know what to say, he turned to me, "Why do you hate me so much?" The Crown Prince asked subconsciously.

I almost laughed out loud because of his question. How dare he ask me why I hate him. When it was him who abandoned me first! 

"Hate you?" I repeated with a snort, "I would never dare to hate you, Crown Prince, For I have no rights to do so." I answered with sarcasm.

I was never really the type to snap. Even when all the servants and people in this palace called me bad names, insults, I would just remain quiet and would not fight back. I always tried to keep my calm and a bit sarcastic at times, but I never once fought with anyone because I know my place.

It is just that the emotions I held back were buried deep inside me, seeing Charles approach me and suddenly talk to me just to make me state who he was had made the lock of his resentment open. It triggered me to get mad for asking me to say it even though he knew very well already what the answer was. It felt like he was mocking me and I hate it.

I put the book back into the shelf and was about to leave, but my eyes slightly widened in surprise when the Crown Prince grabbed my arm. Before I even knew it, I was already in his embrace.

My eyes widened and my heartbeat quickened out of surprise for the sudden hug. The Crown Prince embraced me. It was not tight, but enough to comfort me. He caressed my back gently, soothing me. 

Warm…

That was the first thing that came to my mind.

The same warmth my mother gave me, and the same brother I loved back then.

"I am sorry if you ever feel that way." The Crown Prince muttered as he continued to hug me. 

I do not understand. I seriously do not understand why he was being like this. It is annoying, yet I cannot even bring myself to pull away.

"S-seriously! What is wrong with you! Did you really hit your head?" I exclaimed, flustered by the sudden change of brother—the Crown Prince.

Even though I asked, he did not answer and remained embracing me, "You are not unimportant at all." he muttered, making me at a loss for words.

For a long while, I gave in. I wanted to get mad and yell at him, but I felt so weak and just collapsed in his embrace. My eyes were still open and I could not understand why Charles was suddenly treating me this way after leaving me for so many years. I felt my cheeks wet and realized that I was tearing up. Why the hell am I crying? Damn it.

Maybe because it was the first time someone hugged me. First time since Mother and Charles hugged me when I was a child.

I was taken care of a lot when he was a baby, but when I was at the age where I was able to think, it came to him that no one actually cared for me, for real. At the age of one, I can understand what people say. And all I had ever heard was these four words.

Son of a concubine.

When Queen Charlotte, Charles's mother, died, they ended the King-Queen reign. Now he took in a consort as a partner then had a concubine. There was nothing really wrong with being the son of a concubine, but the fact that the Concubine had borne a child first, which is me, before the Consort, made Lady Caroline look like a joke and they started insulting Lady Melanie for being shameless.

And the fact that my mother was a prostitute has spread. Maybe that was the reason why my mother was so desperate for me to be recognized. Because she never knows when she will be kicked out of the palace.

I was never praised for my achievements, for it was only the Star and the Sun that received the most attention.

My siblings, Charles and Carmilla.

I am only the moon who followed after the sun, and the light that made the stars brighter.

I roughly pulled away from Chance's arms and pushed him. I should not be like this. I am only making it look like I have not gotten over the past. It makes me look like I still want my brother even after his betrayal. 

"Stop pretending to care." I said and glared at him. "You do not need to do that, Your Royal Highness." I said slowly, pushing every word.

I stormed out of the library, I saw Edmund and Alec but I turned away so they would not see the state I was in with my face full of tears. 

"Is that His Highness, Prince Clayton?" I heard Edmund mutter, he knew that I was there but he must have thought that I already left before Prince Charles came. Because that was how my presence has always been, never noticed.

After finally getting used to you ignoring me all these years. Why must you come and shake me up after everything you have done?

It feels so unfair, but I cannot fall for this. The moment I give in and trust anyone again, they will only leave me. That was how it has always been.

I walked back to my chamber at a fast pace, while clenching my fist. I remembered what Charles did earlier and my head was in a mess as well as my emotions.

That is right, you do not need to care. After all, I am just a son of the Royal Concubine.

Someone who is not important.