A world only known by the God of Lost Love

Chapter 89: There is no cure for misdiagnosed delusional disorder

After I entered high school, I seemed to suffer from a very serious paranoia.

Obviously until I graduated from junior high school, I was an obscure character with no self-confidence, living in self-doubt and suspicion all day long.

But I don’t know why... From one day, I suddenly gained the courage to change myself, and after that, I began to gradually become more confident and stronger at a speed that I could hardly understand.

It was as if there was a "god" that no one else could see, that only belonged to me, constantly giving me guidance and inspiration. From that day on, I have been walking on a road of self-salvation that I could never have imagined in the past. .

Under the guidance of that god, I met everyone who ended the band and became a lead guitarist.

We solved the misunderstanding about Kita’s “guitar” and successfully completed the last piece of the band’s puzzle.

After that, we went out together on the weekend... and took a group photo together.

It was this group photo that made me realize my "weirdness" again——

"What's going on with this empty seat?"

Every time I see this photo taken to commemorate my first trip, Ichiri Goto can’t help but feel confused.

Because in the middle of the photo, there was inexplicably enough room for one person to stand.

The other members were also very confused in their reaction to this. After repeated recalling to no avail, they had to use the excuse of "they were in a hurry and didn't have time to adjust their positions" as a hasty explanation for this empty position.

But there was always a voice deep in my heart telling me...this empty space actually "shouldn't exist".

The same goes for our first original song.

In the impression of everyone...including myself, this song [Words って. 】I completed the lyrics and arrangement work all by myself.

But at the same time, my heart once again conveyed to me a strong signal that "this is not the case."

This sense of fragmentation lasted for most of my freshman year in high school.

I don’t know why I took the initiative to participate in the school radio. I don’t know why I went to Kyoto alone after successfully auditioning for the band and made friends with other band members.

I don’t know why I created [ただ君にharuれ], and I don’t know why I haven’t been able to finish writing the lyrics until now.

The extremely strong sense of disobedience prevented me from facing those memories that should have been extremely precious. Until now, I think I have definitely forgotten something very important.

But even when I asked everyone around me, they had no idea.

Could it be that the "god" who gave me guidance really existed only in my imagination?

And those extremely inconsistent and irrational memories, are they really just my personal illusion?

……

Which side is the truth? I have no idea at all.

I only know that every time I try to trace and analyze these contradictory memories, I feel an inexplicable sense of loss in my heart, as if I have lost an extremely precious treasure to me...

Maybe... I'm really sick. "

It is said that famous artists all suffer from mental illness to a greater or lesser extent.

It is probably for this reason that I can continue to create so many tragic songs.

From this point of view, it doesn't matter even if this inexplicable "paranoia" cannot be cured for the time being.

Rather...I don't want it to be cured anyway.

........................

"It's time to go out."

After looking up at the time, Ichiri Goto slowly put his guitar on his back and embarked on the road to [STARRY].

It was already dusk, and the setting sun dyed the whole world a dazzling red color.

Whenever this happens, Goto Kazuri will subconsciously look around him, as if there is someone there.

however……

"...the old habit happened again."

After retracting his gaze from the empty side, Goto Isato shook his head a little harder, shaking off the sense of loss that had arisen in his heart for no reason, and regained his composure.

Tonight is my first performance at [STARRY] for a long time.

Compared to the luxurious stages of those large-scale shows, she really prefers the feeling of performing at [STARRY].

In addition to the fact that it was the origin of the band, she always felt that she would wait there for someone who was extremely important to her...

Someone who will always stand in front of her and cast gentle eyes on her, making her feel extremely at ease...

……

"Oh, I'm getting sick very frequently today."

Sighing with a wry smile, Goto Ichisato took out the headphones from his pocket and inserted them directly into his ears.

What was playing in the headphones was her unfinished song.

"When will it be completed..."

With this question that even she herself didn't know, Goto Ichiri accelerated her pace.

........................

"So... I have really been to [STARRY] before! It's just that I was wearing regular clothes at that time, so you have no impression -"

"No! If you are as good-looking as you, I will never forget it!"

"This, this...oh, that's more. I didn't actually look like this when I was in high school. I was fat and short at that time. It's normal for you not to recognize me!"

"If it was someone like that, I would remember it too!"

"This is so unreasonable! Are you a genius with a photographic memory?"

"Anyway, you must be more than just a regular customer! It's just that I can't remember it for the moment... Hmm... Cool! Please help me think about it!"

"...If I could remember, I wouldn't be here with you to interrogate him."

"Have you finally admitted that you were interrogating me... Is it really okay for you to treat your fans this way?"

"Tch, since you are a fan, it would be a good idea if we confiscate your extra ticket money."

"Wow... I'm still as greedy for money as ever..."

"Huh? Why do you sound like you know the past me very well?"

"...I'm sorry, I didn't say anything just now."

"…………"

As soon as he walked into [STARRY], Goto Kazuri was immediately shocked by what he saw.

At this moment, Ryo Yamada and Hikaru Itachi were sitting at the table, looking seriously at the man sitting opposite them.

Judging from their tone just now, it seemed that they were conducting some kind of... "interrogation" on the man in front of them?

Just as Goto Ichiri looked at the man's back with extremely curious eyes, the man was attracted by the sound of her door opening and slowly turned around——

Chapter 90: Looking at each other through frosted glass

Just the moment he saw that face, Goto Ichiri let out an unprecedented scream deep in his heart.

Joy, sadness, nostalgia, strangeness, confusion...

A large number of emotions took over her heart in an instant, leaving her at a loss as to what kind of expression she should show or what kind of reaction she should make.

The final result was that she was stunned in front of Ren Suzuki for nearly ten seconds.

On the other side, after seeing Gotou Isri's current posture, Ren Suzuki couldn't help but take a slight breath.

Probably for the convenience of the live at night, Goto Kazuri chose the most plain and simple combination of T-shirt and cropped pants, but even so, with her further figure, even an ordinary The loose T-shirt also gave off an inexplicable dangerous feeling when she wore it.

The peaked cap on her head lowered her bangs, causing the thin bangs to slightly cover her eyes. However, compared to her in high school, these slight obstructions no longer prevented people from seeing her face.

Four years have passed, and although her appearance cannot be said to have changed much, the combination of various small changes in her facial features makes Suzuki Ren very clearly feel the growth from a girl to an adult.

Even with his slightly picky eyes, he had to admit that at this time, Goto Ichiri had become even cuter than when he was in high school... or more beautiful.

"..."

While Suzuki Ren was still looking at Goto Kazuri's appearance at this time, Gotō Kazuri finally took a breath away from the wave of emotions that surged into his head.

Why did her heart well up with such complex emotions when she saw this man?

There is obviously no information about him in the memory, but why...just seeing his face, I can't help but cheer "I finally see you" in my heart?

Gotou is unknown.

The only thing she knew at this time was that since she met Suzuki Ren, all the sense of disobedience and loss in her mind about the past had disappeared, and this person, whom she had obviously met for the first time, began to interact with her. Unknowingly, he appeared in all kinds of vacancies——

"Um, where are we..."

"First meeting, Ms. Goto."

As a result, before Ichiri Goto could finish his words, Ren Suzuki was the first to show a gentle and innocent smile.

"I'm a fan of yours and it's great to see you today."

"first meet……"

After hearing this word, Goto Ichiri felt that his heart suddenly burst into extremely strong grief and resistance.

This is definitely not what she wants to hear!This is definitely not the response she expected!

But, but...

Why would she... make such a strange request to such a fan whom she met for the first time?

Could it be that... the "paranoia" she had inherited from high school has started to show up again?

Goto Kazuri couldn't help but have self-doubt.

However, before she could ask any more questions, customers came into the store one after another, leaving her with no time or room to continue asking.

"Ah! It's the end of the band!"

"Great! They are really back today!"

"Sign me your name!"

These customers and fans immediately flocked to their side and showed great enthusiasm and excitement.

At the same time, Ren Suzuki finally escaped from the gaze of Hijika Iji and Ryo Yamada, and quietly walked to the back of the crowd.

"...It's really terrible."

From the moment she was brought into [STARRY] by Hikaru Itachi and Ryo Yamada, Ren Suzuki had already decided to completely kill her "fan" status.

On the one hand, no matter what they say, these girls will not do anything to embarrass fans, and on the other hand, because he can use this identity to explain the various "senses of déjà vu" they talk about.

During the interrogation just now, both Itichi Hikaru and Yamada Ryo both stated more than once that they had some special "impression" of Ren Suzuki, but they could not find any specific relevant memories.

The reason why the interrogation cannot progress is precisely because of this.

No matter how intense their emotions are, they still have to speak based on facts.

Unable to find any memories related to Ren Suzuki, they were forced to accept Suzuki Ren's status as a "fan" and stop further speculation and questioning...

"So, this memory deletion is a bit too unreliable."

Suzuki Ren wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and couldn't help but murmured in a low voice.

"Obviously you can even do things like time travel, so why not delete your memories a little more cleanly?"

"...Huh? Amnestic deletion? I seem to be talking about something interesting?"

"Nothing, nothing, just talking to myself and...eh?"

The sudden sound in his ears made Suzuki Ren take a step to the other side.

And when he looked over, he found a red-haired girl fully armed with a hat, mask, and sunglasses——

"Kita?! You, why are you here..."

"Because it would be difficult to escape when surrounded by fans! So I just thought of hiding here for a while."

Kita Ikuyo took off his sunglasses and replied with a smile:

"So please don't do anything too conspicuous. In return, I will give you an autograph by all members of our band."